The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (1957)

The long and unwieldily title is only the start of this film's weirdness.

With their men having sailed away to not return, a group of Viking women (including Abby Dalton and Susan Cabot) decide to head off in a ship and look for them. They encounter a sea serpent in a far off sea and end up shipwrecked and the prisoners of a strange race... who have enslaved their missing men folk! 

Despite the rather unpromising premise, this isn't that bad a film despite the obviously minute budget. It is a bit cheesy, campy and unlikely but is plenty of fun. 

Everyone looks like they walked off a California beach of course, not the ancient Scandinavian hinterland. The serpent is a bit of a let down though.

Airport (1935)

A superb slice of pre-war nostalgia about London's international airport, no it wasn't Heathrow back then it was at Croydon! This film looks back at the operations and activities at the airport as international air travel first got going in earnest. 

From the aircraft themselves, to maintenance, and the various other support services. Everything was optimistic and exciting as the world was beginning to open up. No one really thought or knew about the dark storm clouds soon to be on the horizon though the swastikas on the inbound flights from Germany could give you a clue. An excellent film from the Shell Historical Film Archive. 

All Lit Up (1920)

Snub Pollard is a dandy who is hanging around a park chasing butterflies in a net. After some flirting (with girls not butterflies) he ends up in a jazz cafe and more mayhem ensues. Snub finally ends up in jail in this short piece of slapstick. A decent enough silent comedy though without making much sense or being that subtle. 

Fine for what it is but not really in the first division of silent movie comedies. Ernest Morrison plays a good role as one of the children Snub ends up having to look after at one stage.

Please Sir! (1971)

Feature length spin-off versions of popular sit-coms were common in the 1970s and can be a mixed bag, Please Sir! just about manages to get away with it.

Hedges (John Alderton) is the idealistic teacher of class 5C who are basically a teenager (although they all look about 25 of course) version of the Bash Street Kids. His class complain that they have never been taken away to a camp holiday like the other classes so Hedges manages to persuade the headmaster (Erik Chitty) and other senior staff to take class 5C to a rural camp, which doesn't half resemble a prison camp...

Class 5C soon get up to no good involving nearby gypsies and posh children from another school. Hedges is also pursued by a flight attendant (Jill Kerman) and his colleague (Patsy Rowlands)...

This isn't a bad film though the comedy is often a bit corny. Taking the TV cast away on holiday was one of the usual ways to extend a TV show into a movie and it works pretty well in this case.

Batman (1966)

I'm usually not a fan of superhero movies, especially the 21st century's bombardment of them, i always feel they take themselves far too seriously... and that is why the first Batman movie is brilliant because it does just the opposite.

A long-form version of the classic Batman series starring Adam West and Burt Ward. As this is a big screen outing for the story one super villain is not enough, instead we have four! The Penguin (Burgess Meredith), Riddler (Frank Gorshin), Joker (Cesar Romero) and Catwoman (Lee Meriweather) team up with a dastardly plan to turn the UN Security Council into powder and extort billions in cash from the world governments.

The bad guys need to get rid of Batman as well but as usual their far too complicated schemes go wrong. There is an interesting subplot though as Bruce Wayne falls in love with a Russian reporter, not realising she is really Catwoman...

This is a fabulously fun film packed full of camp nonsense including Penguin's submarine which has flippers, Riddler writing messages in the sky using Polaris missiles and the batmobile being joined by the batboat, batbike and even the bathelicopter! The best superhero film there is? Probably.

Espionage (1937)

A bright and breezy crime and spy drama set aboard an amazingly smooth sleeper train.

With Europe heading towards war, the newspapers are keen to trace a well known arms manufacturing tycoon. For reasons, a newspaper decides to send a cheeky mystery novelist along for the job instead of an actual reporter! Kenneth Stevens (Edmund Lowe) does also happen to be a violin virtuoso though which could be handy as the tycoon Kronsky (Paul Lukas) is a big music lover.

Also after a scoop is Patrica Booth (Madge Evans) who steals her boss's passport when he refuses to send her on this assignment (one wonders just how serious these newspapers were to find out about Kronsky). This proves to be a life saver for Ken when he loses his own passport so he can pose as Patrica's husband. A complication comes when an assassin tries to kill Kronksy, naturally Ken and Patricia get the blame and have to go on the run in Switzerland...

This is a fine film, well paced (though does slow down a bit later on) and with plenty of atmosphere which sometimes is at odds with the light feel to the performances and dialogue (but in a good way). The scenes aboard the train are the best part of the film, though considering it was supposed to be a train pounding on through ther night its remarkably smooth and quiet aboard!

Mighty Jack (1986)

A TV movie made out of the first and last episodes of the Mighty Jack Japanese TV series from 1968. It isn't very coherent though is decent enough sci-fi action.

Mighty Jack is not a person but an organisation formed to combat a mysterious criminal organisation called Q. Atari is abducted by Q, Mighty Jack set off in their advanced submarine to rescue him before he will reveal the location of Mighty Jack's HQ under torture (and they succeed). Instead, Q launch an attack on Earth using hot ice which can't melt and to steal the Mighty Jack submarine...

Or something like that. At times it wasn't that clear what exactly was going on. The film is reasonable enough fun with plenty of Japanese model weapon action and furious running between perils though ultimately is a little dull overall. Hot ice must also be the worst super villain weapon ever.

Secrets of the Lone Wolf (1941)

The Lone Wolf is in action again, using his skills as a former jewel thief to foil a dastardly plot to steal foreign valuables and affecting the war effort.

An unnamed European country has sent valuable jewels to the US to sell so they can continue their fight against the bad guys. The Lone Wolf Michael Lanyard (Warren William) is bought in to use his experience as a former top jewel thief to assist with security. 

Unfortunately, a syndicate of thieves are after the jewels. They want to recruit the Lone Wolf but mistake his valet Jamison (Eric Blore) for him (none of them knew what he looked like?) The Lone Wolf has to keep Jamison safe, as well as the jewels, and keep Inspector Crane (Thurston Hall) off his back!

A fine entry in the Lone Wolf series with the usual mix of rapid fire plot twists and swerves. It is best to ignore the plot holes and coincidences and just enjoy the smooth and comfortable performances by the leads. 

The 23 (1979)

Two cockney criminals (Tommy Godfrey and George Sweeney) break into an office to break into the safe, but this isn't a blag from the Sweeney, this is a promotional film from the General Post Office for it's fancy new Number 23 teleprinter! George becomes obsessed with the machine while his old man works on the safe and helpfully reads out from the manual all of the swish new features. This is great fun, how a promotional film should be done. I certainly want to buy a 23 after seeing this, though i guess eBay will be required these days...

King Dinosaur (1955)

Even by the standards of the day and genre this is a pretty appalling little film. 

A new planet which supports life is spotted close to Earth. A rocket (which looks remarkably like a V-2) is sent there with four human explorers. The four, which includes two men and two women including William Bryant and Wanda Curtis, waste no time in hooking up. They also get lost, while exploring this alien planet packed with life which is remarkably like Earth's...

Finally, they get menaced by a giant reptile and need to flee the planet. They also decide to nuke the planet (using an atom bomb they have been carrying around this whole time) as they leave and wipe out life there...

So, this is an awful film over filled with stock footage, scientific stupidity, misogyny, animal cruelty and pointless nuclear devastation. It is also pretty slow and tedious too. This might be one of the worst films ever made, unlike other 1950s science fiction films it lacks much in the way of camp or charm to compensate for the nonsense. Terrible.

Quest of the Delta Knights (1993)

Hilariously bad cod-medieval sword and sorcery nonsense. 

The land is under the cruel thumb of Manneryjay (Olivia Hussey) and her henchman Lord Vultare (David Warner). A secret society of good knights (called the Delta Knights) is seeking secret knowledge of Atlantis to give them the power to bring down Maydeed and company. 

The Delta Knights agent is Raydoor (somewhat confusingly also David Warner) who finds a young man called Tee (Corbin Allred) who may be the person prophesied to discover the secrets of Archimedes, though Leonardo de Vinci (David Kreigel) is also called upon to help...

This is an amazingly bad film with a plot which makes little sense, cheap sets, cheaper acting on the most part. It does have a strange camp charm though and some of the situations and dialogue are so ridiculous you can't help but laugh (unintentionally). What were they thinking?

Eegah (1962)

A very curious film indeed, and rather awful.

Teenager Roxy (Marilyn Manning) encounters a huge tall man at night (and faints natch). Later on, her father (Arch Hall Snr) heads into the desert to look for signs of this man and goes missing himself. 

Roxy heads into the desert with mediocre pop singer Tom (Arch Hall Jr) to look for him. They discover a cave man (Richard Kiel) has somehow survived away from civilisation and has taken Roxy's father prisoner, and naturally the cave man takes a liking to Roxy...

Some list this as among the worst films of all times... and they are probably right. The story is terrible and makes no sense and the acting is wooden. We also have some truly awful pop songs to pad the film out. The only good thing about the film is seeing Richard Kiel, who at least has a suitably menacing presence. 

The Vanishing Shadow (Serial) (1934)

A fun movie serial packed full of mad science.

Stanley Stanfield (Onslow Stevens) and Carl Van Dorn (James Durkin) have developed a device which can make the wearer invisible (apart from their shadow). After Stanley is framed for murder by the dangerous Wade Barrett (Walter Miller) and his henchman Dorgan (Richard Cramer), Stanley and Carl begin to use their invention, plus a few other devices, to find the evidence to bring Barrett down. Stanley is also going out with Gloria (Ada Ince), who is Barrett's estranged daughter...

So, you know the score. Fast paced action punctuated by a series of cliffhangers, of varying degrees of believability. The biggest fun of this serial is the science though, including Van Dorn's robot invention which proves to be able to defeat gangsters with ease. This serial also has a bit of a heart too, and a redemption story. Highly enjoyable.

The Stranger (1973)

An astronaut accidentally ends up on an alien world, luckily for the budget this world looks exactly like our own...

When astronaut Neil Stryker (Glenn Corbett) crashes on the way back to Earth, he wakes up in a strange hospital where he knows no one and won't be allowed to see anyone. Neil begins to suspect he might be in the Soviet Union and manages to escape the head of security Benedict (Cameron Mitchell). However, outside of the hospital he appears to be in the USA. But no one has heard of Florida... and there happens to be three moons!

Neil discovers that he is on another world, one under the control of an authoritarian regime called the Perfect Order. Knowledge of the past is forbidden and obedience is total. Neil gets the help of Dr Cooke (Sharon Acker) to try and keep ahead of Benedict and his goons...

This isn't a bad film all in all, though the tiny budget does hinder it a bit. The story is pretty decent (if rather heavily Orwell inspired) and the performances work well. Some good tension and drama, perfectly good TV movie.

City of Missing Girls (1941)

An involving drama involving missing girls dragged into the world of vice that thankfully avoids too much exploitation and sleaze.

Many girls are going missing in the city, it is assumed they are being dragged into the seedy world of night clubs and escorting. Veteran detective McVeigh (H.B. Warner) is plugging away on the cases but has yet to get any leads, new assistant DA James Horton (John Archer) is under pressure to get results. 

Meanwhile, perky young reporter Nora Page (Astrid Allwyn) is also investigating... though she doesn't know her father is involved along with brutal gangster and nightclub owner King Peterson (Philip Van Zandt)...

A fine film, though the start is a little unpromising with some jarring direction and awkward acting early on. Happily, once the film warms up then so do the performances and the film has a good and interesting plot with some good twists.

Her First Flame (1920)

A curious comedy short. We are in the year 1950 (though looks remarkably like 1920 still!) and men and women have switched roles. Unfortunately, those roles are rather stereotyped and quite dated. Women are now strong and forthright while men mostly stand around giggling and do domestic chores...

Lizzie Hap (Gale Henry) wins election as the town's fire chief, by cheating Minnie Fish (Phyllis Allen) using a variety of disguises. Lizzie now forms an all-girl fire brigade. Naturally when there actually is a fire things do not go very smoothly but Lizzie manages to save her love Willie (Milburn Morante).

Not the greatest silent comedy ever, the staging is often as dated as the attitudes, but does some decent visual gags.

Track of the Moon Beast (1976)

Yet another film where someone is turned into a mutant monster by contact with something strange, it is a wonder there were any humans left by 1980!

During a meteorite storm, a fragment of meteor hits geologist Paul (Chase Cordell). This has the unfortunate side-effect of turning him into a murderous reptilian space monster who goes on killing sprees at night much to his girlfriend Kathy's (Leigh Drake) disappointment. Native American Professor Salina (Gregorio Sala) has heard that such a creature has appeared once before. Kathy though just wants to save Paul...

This isn't a good film but then again it doesn't really need to be. This is a film for people who want to see monsters menacing scantily clad women. Even so though, this is rather poor stuff, Paul and Kathy's acting skills are rather non-existent. The cheese factor adds a bit (but just a bit) of fun.

Bulldog Drummond in Africa (1938)

Bulldog Drummond's marriage to Phyllis has to be delayed yet again, but this time because Colonel Neilson has been kidnapped and is now in Africa...

Neilson (H.B. Warner) of Scotland Yard is kidnapped by a notorious criminal called Lane (J. Carrol Naish). Phyllis (Heather Angel), who is due to marry Bulldog Drummond (John Howard) that very day, discovers Lane's plot and warns Drummond. 

Unfortunately, they are too late to stop Lane take Neilson to his lair in Morocco where he wants the details of a secret weapon to sell to his client. Drummond and company follow on (always handy to have your own aeroplane). Lane hides out in a fortified house, guarded by hungry lions. He also had crooked staff at the consulate to assist him including Fordine (a young Anthony Quinn).

This is a fun romp, plenty of fast moving adventures which culminates in a death defying fight on a balcony while a lion roars below. It isn't high art but it is very effective.

Norman Gives a Speech (1989)

The fourth and final of the curious series of short films documenting the mishaps of Norman.

Norman (Douglas P Macintosh) is to give a speech at a business conference. What could go wrong? Well everything of course, ranging from a clumsy cleaning woman covering his notes with coffee, to Norman dropping all of his carefully arranged materials on the floor... to the fire alarm going off during his speech!

It is all quite odd and strangely awful / brilliant at the same time, as with the other Norman films. I have no idea why these little films existed but i am glad they did.

Rocket Attack U.S.A. (1960)

The Soviets have launched Sputnik into space and now the Cold War paranoia is dialled up to 11.

With the Soviets now orbiting the Earth, the US are afraid the Soviets are gathering data before they can launch a deadly nuclear attack. Secret agent John (John McKay) is sent across the border into the Soviet Union - which seems rather easy to be honest - and links up with female agent Tanya (Monica Davis) who is getting pillow talk from the Soviet Defence Minister...

Apparently the Soviets discover they can defeat the US with just one nuclear missile and one is prepared. If only the US had a anti-ballistic missile defence system in place but no doubt a bigger defence budget will help. 

This is a pretty basic Cold War film, heavy on the use of stock footage and propaganda. It is all pretty poor stuff with a minute budget though does include the helpful advice that covering yourself with wet newspaper can help with nuclear blasts!

Song of the Clouds (1956)

A look at the classic pre-jet age of air travel when the skies were the domain of the prop airliners like the Constellations, DC-7s and Vanguards. This is an optimistic, nostalgic and very entertaining documentary from the Shell Historic Film Archive showing the fast growing civil aviation industry as the world beginning to leave the carnage of the Second World War behind.

The film covers a pretty wide area, from big international airports to small aircraft linking up remote and rural communities. The message of the film is hammered home pretty solidly, aircraft and travel brings us and the world together, well that is something that is true today, even on Ryanair.