Quest of the Delta Knights (1993)

Hilariously bad cod-medieval sword and sorcery nonsense. 

The land is under the cruel thumb of Manneryjay (Olivia Hussey) and her henchman Lord Vultare (David Warner). A secret society of good knights (called the Delta Knights) is seeking secret knowledge of Atlantis to give them the power to bring down Maydeed and company. 

The Delta Knights agent is Raydoor (somewhat confusingly also David Warner) who finds a young man called Tee (Corbin Allred) who may be the person prophesied to discover the secrets of Archimedes, though Leonardo de Vinci (David Kreigel) is also called upon to help...

This is an amazingly bad film with a plot which makes little sense, cheap sets, cheaper acting on the most part. It does have a strange camp charm though and some of the situations and dialogue are so ridiculous you can't help but laugh (unintentionally). What were they thinking?

Ator the Invincible (1983)

The second Ator movie, somehow even cheaper and shoddier than the first.

Ator (Miles O'Keefe) is living an easy life after his earlier exploits (which are recapped at length early in the film to pad it out), he is recruited by Mila (Lisa Foster) to help save her father (William Berger) from the evil Zor (David Brandon). The way to the castle of Zor is long (somewhat too long) and includes various battles against ridiculous creatures and monsters...

The first Ator film wasn't that great but it was much better than this nonsense. It is all a bit too cheap and lacks much of a plot, lots of swords and sorcery yes but what does it all mean at the end of the day apart from plenty of muscles and grunting?

Outlaw of Gor (1988)

Cabot returns to a mysterious world (called Gor) thanks to his magical ring and battles warriors and wizards with swords in a rather insipid fashion.

American academic Cabot (Urbano Barberini), along with his sex crazed and sleazy friend Watney (Russel Savadier), returns to Gor - a planet Cabot fought on in an earlier film. The Elder (Alex Heyns) fears that his wizard priest Xeno (Jack Palance) is up to no good. However, Cabot seems more interested in getting back with the Princess (Rebecca Ferratti)...

However, the Elder is wrong. It is the Queen (Donna Denton) who wants to usurp him. The Queen seduces Watney in order to frame Cabot for the murder of the Elder. Cabot flees into the desert with a bounty hunter after him...

This is all nonsense and a pretty low-rent sword and sorcery tale. Everything looks cheap and unfortunately is all rather half-hearted. It has plenty of camp but unfortunately not quite enough to get over everything else.

The Fairy King of Ar (1998)

A whimsical tale of fairies and elves. 

Kyle (Jameson Baltes) and Evie (Brittney Bomann) are told tales of elves by their grandmother. A short while later, after their grandmother has passed, the family have come to live in her house. 

However, the family encounter strange reactions from, and are made unwelcome by, the villagers and the house's gardener (Malcolm McDowell). There is some sort of local secret the villagers do not want the family messing with. The children also begin to encounter little flying creatures in the woods. It all leads to an old gold mine where the fairies are trapped...

Its a nice little film but nothing much more than that. The children actors do a good job and the fairy special effects are quite enchanting. The plot though is as ethereal as any of the woodland folk and the whole film meanders at times.

The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969)

Don't do drugs kids, you might end up making a film like this.

Evil Mombi (Zisca Baum) the witch threatens to turn young Tip (Chan Mahon) into a statue after he creates a man out of a pumpkin (George Wadsworth). He runs away with his pumpkin man to the Emerald City but gets mixed up in a military coup. Tip teams up with the Scarecrow (Michael R Thomas) and Tin man (Allen Joseph) to raise their own army against the revolution...

Where do we start with this film, it is all pretty awful. The sets are cheap and basic, the acting is mostly terrible (apart from Zisca Baum who is pretty good as a witch). If you haven't suffered enough then there are some dreadful songs too. 

Oh there is a badly made puppet cow head too. Its all pretty amazing, though mostly in a bad way.

Hawk the Slayer (1980)

A baffling and rather low-energy sword and sorcery tale.

Hawk (John Terry) and Voltan (Jack Palance) are brothers (big age gap). While Hawk is a bold hero though Voltan is a deformed and evil villain who kills their father and Hawk's fiancé. He also kidnaps the Abbess (Annett Crosbie) for ransom as he needs gold for a mysterious wizard who is aiding him. Hawk assembles a team of stereotypes including a strongman giant (Bernard Bresslaw), an elf (Ray Charleson) and a dwarf (Peter O'Farrell). They then arrive at the Abbey and... well not much else happens until the final showdown.

The low budget and lack of much action (much of it helpfully smothered in smoke) is a true marvel, only matched by Palance on over drive. He obviously decided to go for the world record for over the top bad guys in this film and certainly succeeded.

For all of it's many flaws, this is a fun film with a heavy amount of cheese.

She (1935)

The search for eternal life, which apparently is in a mysterious lost world in the far North with a cast of thousands.

Leo Vincey (Randolph Scott) is recruited by Holly (Nigel Bruce) for a strange expedition. Vincey is told that his ancestor discovered the secret of eternal life, though died (so not sure how useful this secret must be?) Leo Vincey and Holly head to the Arctic. They are hustled by Dugmore (Lumsden Hare) to take him and his dogsbody daughter Tanya (Helen Mack) with them. After Dugmore dies in an avalanche, the entrance to a mysterious world is revealed. A world under the rule of a ruthless queen (Helen Gahagen) and characters in every possible combination of "ancient" outfit imaginable, She who be obeyed.

She is immortal and has loved the original Vincey for hundreds of years, thinking Leo is that man and has finally come back to to her. She says she will share the secret of eternal life with Leo though the fate of Tanya, with whom Leo has fallen in love, is less wholesome...

Highly dramatic fun, the kind of massive opulent production Hollywood used to love. The final ceremony scene does go on a little too long though is spectacular. With all the over dramatic nonsense going on all around, the oddly expressionless Randolph Scott really stands out! 

Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

A pleasing if rather goofy fantasy tale. Evil and rather camp wizard Pendragon (Torin Thatcher) has been defeated but unbeknownst to the King of Cornwall (Dayton Lummis), the evil wizard plots his revenge. Pendragon targets the lovely Princess Elaine (Judi Meredith) and sends a giant to capture her. However, the wizard is defeated by the heroic farmer boy Jack (Kerwin Matthews) who is rewarded by the King.

Pendragon isn't giving up yet though, he sends his forces of darkness to capture Elaine. Jack travels to Pendragon's island with his friends Sigurd (Barry Kelley), Peter (Roger Mobley) and his imp in a bottle (Don Beddoe)! With the imp's help Jack faces the evil of Pendragon once again...

A fun film. The characters are rather pantomine-esque with their costumes and cackling, the monsters average claymation and the special effects at times a bit dodgy. However, despite the obviousness and the lack of depth of any characters, this is a fine film. A straight forward fairy tale fantasy adventure.

Yor: The Hunter from the Future (1983)

A fantastic movie. Fantastically confused, fantastically cheesy and fantastically odd. But just fantastic. Yor (Red Brown) is a buff Conan-esque like figure with great hair who saves Pag (Luciano Pigozzi) and Kalaa (Corinne Cléry) from an unconvincing beast in a wild land of animal skins and axes. Yor is a bit of a lost soul who doesn't really know where he comes from, Pag and Kalaa (who takes a shine to Yor) tag on along with him on his vague quest.

He discovers another woman Roa (Ayshe Gul) who seems to have a similar ancestry to Yor, and also takes a shine to him to Kalaa's fury. Luckily Roa is soon despatched by some unconvincing ape men. Yor and company finally arrive at a mysterious island ruled by the Overlord (John Steiner). The movie then switches from a low budget sub-Conan action film to a low budget science-fiction romp as Yor discovers his parents were from outer space. Yor leads the revolt against the evil Overlord and his army of rather immobile robots...

A terrific film really, it might be all rather cheap and unoriginal but it is also very much fun. We have to wait a long time for the appearance of the main villain, the Overlord but he is worth the wait in all his Darth Vader cosplaying glory.

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

A sequel? Well not really as none of the characters from the first Wizards of the Lost Kingdom appear in this, which is just as well because all that was achieved in the first film has been thrown away and the land is under the control of evil wizards again! 

Broken down old wizard Caedmon (Mel Welles) is tasked to find a youngster who is the last hope to defeat evil. Caedmon soon finds Tyor (Robert Jayne), a floppy haired teenager who is to learn how to be a wizard and save the world. So this is a bit like Harry Potter, only in this case the teenage wizard is a bit of a whiny loser.

Caedmon and Tyor travel through the three kingdoms, meeting heroes including the Dark One (David Carradine) and defeating the evil wizard controlling the land with various awkward sword fights and mediocre magic. The scene is thus set for the final showdown which ends up being an incredibly clumsy romp where most of the protagonists stand out doing nothing as if waiting for their cue.

A campy and inept film with banal dialogue, terrible fighting scenes and cheap looking effects; it's not to be taken seriously. It is funny though I suspect not quite as the makers intended. The film feels like a comedy sketch show parody that went on far too long. Hilariously bad, and thus very watchable for that point alone.

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

A loose sequel to Deathstalker, though mostly through the use of recycled footage at the start. This is a lighter film though with boy wizards, fairly bloodless fighting and amusing dwarves instead of much in the way of female nudity and decapitations. Evil wizard Shurka (Thom Christopher) kills the good wizard (Edgardo Moreira) and takes over the kingdom. However, the wizard's son Simon (Vidal Peterson) manages to escape along with his friend who looks like he is wearing a cheap yeti fancy dress costume.

Simon befriends wandering warrior Kor (Bo Svenson), who is apparently a famous adventurer though he doesn't really show much in the way of fighting in this film, his hunt for booze is very impressive instead. Simon and Kor have to get back to the palace and find the ring of power before Shurka and his goons do. The fact the ring was lying in a corner of Shurka's spell chamber all along indicates the goons did not try very hard...

A terrible film but unintentionally hilarious and highly entertaining. The sets are cheap, as are the costumes and effects. The various beasts and monsters look like bargain items bought at a fancy dress store. The film's plot is basic but works well enough. The film is terrific nonsense.

Jack and the Beanstalk (1970)

No doubt as the drug induced haze of the end of the 1960s began to slowly disperse, the idea of making a vaguely psychedelic and low budget version of a fairy story must have seemed a good idea.

So of course the story is very familiar, Jack (Mitch Poulos) is tricked out of selling his cow by Honest John (Chris Brooks) for a handful of magic beans instead of money. Mum (Dorothy Stokes) is displeased at this and throws the beans out of the window... but lo... the beans suddenly become a "giant" beanstalk (a rope with a few leaves tied onto it!)

Jack climbs the beanstalk and enters a magical realm inhabited by a grumpy giant (Renato Boracherro). Jack steals the giant's golden hen, but of course this puts the giant on Jack's trail...

A strange film that looks more like a filmed school play. The fairy tale is slightly modernised and the dialogue has a touch of late 1960s modernisation. It is a bit groovy, not brilliant but certainly different.

Son of Hercules in the Land of Darkness (1964)

Sword and sandal nonsense as the son of Hercules, Argolese (Dan Vadis) saves beautiful princess Telca (Spela Rozin) from a lion and then goes on a quest to kill a rather ropey dragon in order to win Telca's hand from her father King Tedaeo (Ugo Sasso) - the King is hard to please obviously.

Argolese completes this task but when he gets back to the village he finds everything has been burned to the ground and everyone now prisoners of the evil Demulus - except the rather annoying Babar (Jon Simons) who becomes Argolese's companion / comic relief.

Argolese goes to the secret mountain lair of the Demulus, ending up captured himself after various violent antics in endless similar looking dungeons. He defeats elephants in an epic test and saves the life of the Demulus Queen Ella (Carla Calo). Argolese joins the Demulus (though Telca and the others remain slaves). Then the evil Melissa (Marie Flore) slays Ella to take over as Queen for herself...

So it is a lot of campy fun, if not very coherent. Argolese is suitably buff and has ample opportunities to show his strength throwing rocks and hauling chains. Melissa plays a good role, gorgeous and evil.

Deathstalker (1983)

Sword and sorcery... and a lot of bare breasts. Evil Munkar (Bernard Erhard) is a magician who rules the kingdom... which seems to be a kingdom of a lot of murder and rape. Carefree adventurer Deathstalker (Richard Hill) is recruited by a witch to defeat Munkar. To do this he must get a magical sword which will render him invincible. He does this (and thus takes a lot of the tension out of the film).

Next Deathstalker rides into Munkar's castle to take part in a tournament. More killing and depravity takes place. Princess Codille (Barbi Benton) is more of interest to Deathstalker than the ultimate power, which he will gain if he seizes Munkar's amulet and chalice...

So this is a film with a lot of violence (including quite a lot of decapitations) and sex (masses of female and make nudity). Naturally the land is also full of strange monsters and freaks, including a rather odd creature who lives in a box. It is isn't a film that has much in the way of plot, but the plot there is is the usual sub-Conan fare. The film doesn't really make much sense but is enjoyable campy tosh and is as fun as it looks. It doesn't take itself seriously which is always the best with stuff like this.

The Magic Sword (1962)

A vibrant but rather odd fantasy tale of knights on horseback, dragons and magic. Evil sorcerer Lodak (Basil Rathbone) has captured princess Helene (Anne Helm) and wants to feed her to his dragon. Sir Branton (Liam Sullivan) promises his liege he will rescue Helene in return for her hand in magic... but Sir George (Gary Lockwood) also vows to rescue her... even though he has only ever seen her secretly via a magic pool. Obviously in ye olde age peeping toms were not considered so bad...

To reach the princess the knights have to face seven deadly curses from Lodak including swamps and an orge, The main danger to George though is from Sir Branton who is secretly in league with Lodak. Luckily George is equipped with some magic of his own thanks to his foster mum witch Sybil (Estelle Winwood)...

A fantastical adventure. It is high camp as well, Rathbone and Winwood give great pantomime like performances, which is just what the film needs. Lockwood always looks like he is finding whats going on around him somewhat confusing.

War-Gods of the Deep (1965)

A wonderfully fantastical tale. American adventurer Ben (Tad Hunter) is in a Cornish village along with lovely Jill (Susan Hart) and eccentric chicken loving artist Harold (David Tomlinson). Strange goings on one night, including the sight of a strange gill-man perplex our heroes and then Jill goes missing. Ben and Harold go looking for her and stumble upon a mysterious city under the sea...

The Captain (Vincent Price) rules the city, having been trapped there a hundred years ago with his crew of smugglers. For some reason they do not age in this lost Atlantis with mysterious pumping technology and Babylonian artwork. However the end is nigh as a volcano may erupt any moment and destroy everything...

Although the film can be a bit slow at times the film covers all the best "lost world" film tropes perfectly with some impressive set design which includes reproductions of Sumerian art. Vincent Price steals the show with his wonderfully dark and ruthless Captain. As for the rest of the acting it is passable though John Le Mesurier is good as a priest trapped in the lost world.

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

A low-budget fantasy where our heroes are transported to a parallel universe where people fight with swords, wear loin cloths but still speak English. Dr Hartmann (Kenneth Hendel) has developed a way to transport objects between parallel worlds but falls onto his portal and is sent there himself. TV reporter Carrie (Kay Lenz) and electrician/kendo master Dan (Richard Hatch) also end up being transported after various displays of imbalance.

But where are they transported to? A strange world inhabited by giants in furs, midgets with flashing eyes and Kleel (John Saxon), an evil warlord who has imprisoned Hartmann as a sorcerer to do his bidding (though Kleel mostly seems to be interested in sleeping with his slave women and killing people). Carrie ends up a prisoner of Kleel while Dan enlists the help of The Greenman (Ray Charleston), Vosk (Larry Taylor) and Malachi (Peter O'Farrell) to save Carrie and defeat Kleel...

Although pretty low-rent, cheesy and unoriginal, the film is quite entertaining although is padded out with a little too much wandering aimless through the bush (which helped the budget no doubt). The leads put on good performances though especially Saxon. The concept and plot makes little sense of course but the sheer strangeness and camp will keep you watching.

Arabian Adventure (1979)

A fun adventure romp. Evil magician Alquazar (Christopher Lee) is seeking the rose which will grant him ultimate power. Handsome young hero Prince Hasan (Oliver Tobias), after escaping Alquazar's dungeon, is tasked with finding the rose in return for hand of the lovely daughter Zuleira (Emma Samms). Hasan gains the help of the rather dodgy Khasim (Milo O'Shea), the boy thief Majeed (Puneet Sira) and a flying carpet!

Their adventure features all the usual Arabian fairy tale tropes including faces in mirrors and genies in bottles. But also fire breathing metal dragons! Hasan has been set up to fail, part of the evil plans of Alquazar. And who is the trapped soul in the mirror?

It is light and fun, the special effects are maybe a bit dated these days though add to the nostalgic feel of a classic children's adventure. The cast is good with some notable cameos from the likes of Peter Cushing and Mickey Rooney. Plenty of magic and plenty of swash buckling.

The Man Who Haunted Himself (1970)

A stylish though somewhat baffling film. Pelham (Roger Moore) is the typical city slicker with his bowler hat and umbrella. He nearly dies in a car accident caused after he becomes possessed while on the M4 (quite understandable). When he returns to work he begins to notice strange happenings, people say they have met him but he can't remember...

He even seems to have gained a mistress (Olga Georges-Picot) but has no recollection. His wife Eve (Hildegard Neil) doesn't really buy that excuse naturally. Pelham realises there is an impostor who is impersonating him...

Does he have a doppelganger or is it all a figment of his imagination? The film is wonderfully tense and Roger Moore puts in one of his best performances (or rather two performances as the two Pelhams have radically different characters). The psychedelic ending probably asks more questions than it answers!

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Evil Cromwell (Richard Lynch) enlists the help of a demonic sorcerer Xusia (Richard Moll) to help him conquer the world. The young son of one of the kings he slays makes off with a fancy (and massive) triple sword that can shoot blades. Years later the son (Lee Horsley) is back as a mercenary called Talon...

Meanwhile Princess Alana (Kathleen Beller) and her brother Mikah (Simon MacCorkindale) are the last hold outs against Cromwell. Though they end up his prisoner, can Talon save the day and the world?

It is rather goofy sword and sorcery nonsense, laying the blueprint for the likes of Hercules and Xena. Expect well oiled muscles and shiny swords indulging in well choreographed semi-comedic violence. Don't expect much plot line sense though it is a lot of campy fun.