Shake Hands with Danger (1980)

A safety film detailing the various grisly ways heavy machinery can mangle human flesh if you are not careful and the guys in this film certainly arn't. One of the guys is shown changing the wheel on a large excavator and ends up demolishing a house! 

What makes the film unintentionally hilarious is the gritty country & western soundtrack. As the song says, being distracted or hungover might cause you to fall from a JCV or have your hand cut to pieces in a grinder. So lay off the Jack Daniels and pay attention!

 

Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills (1997)

A very strange and often funny film (for both the wrong and right reasons). Dick (Brad Wilson) is a palaeontologist who accidentally disturbs a sacred site in the desert, a shaman called Salvador Dali (Brion James) puts a curse on him, his wife is now a pterodactyl! Back home in Beverley Hills Dick's wife Pixie (Beverley D'Angelo) does indeed begin to feel strange. During the day she exhibits strange behaviour such as eating a live fish whole in a supermarket. At night she transforms and spreads her (actual) wings...

Her family, including her children (Aron Eisenberg and Sharon Martin), struggle to come to terms with this change in Mum. Dick finds it kind of works in the bed department though. However, they end up with a new addition to the family and decide it is time to find the shaman and get the curse lifted...

A light film, charming despite the strangeness and absurdity. The film is a bit disjointed but great fun, picked with odd characters. Barry Humphries makes a great cameo playing three different characters in one scene, including Dame Edna! The film isn't great but it is certainly different and enjoyable.

Bulldog Drummond Comes Back (1937)

Another in the long running Bulldog Drummond series, the hero this time played by John Howard for the first time. Drummond's fiance Phyllis (Louise Campbell) is kidnapped by the crooked duo of Valdin (J. Carrol Naish) and Soldanis (Helen Freeman) who seek revenge on Drummond. They set him a number of cryptic clues, getting him to charge about the countryside. Finally he is led into a trap where they plan to blow him up!

Drummond is assisted by Algy (Reginald Denny) and Tenny (E.E. Clive) of course. The Colonel (John Barrymore) also assists secretly by donning a number of disguises. The film is all rather breakneck as Drummond is sent from place by place by the clues, like a movie serial condensed into a single feature at times. Drummond is taken to a couple of places more than once which can make the film drag a bit but no doubt assisted with the budget.

The plot is simple and a bit silly, the evil plans of the criminals are so elaborate and long winded they resemble Bond villain schemes! The film is good camp fun but not much more.

The Coveted Coat (1924)

A charming little film by Gaston Quiribet which uses stop motion for a variety of special effects, part of his Q-Riosities series. Two tramps fight over a fine coat on a scarecrow. One of them warns the other that he took the coat yesterday but it is bewitched by dark magic! Whatever the wearer wishes happens to him. The tramp explains that that got him into loads of trouble including a car accident and receiving a beating from a jealous lover. Is he being completely truthful though?

The film is mostly a showcase for a number of cinematic tricks, rather than having much of a narrative, and very clever the tricks are too. The film is an interesting curiousity.

Devil's Express (1976)

This is a car crash of a film, in so much as it is like a mixture of different genres thrown together, hard. The film starts in ancient China where a demon is imprisoned. We jump to the present day (well 1970s anyway) New York and see Luke (Warhawk Tanzania) show off his martial arts skills with a funk soundtrack. Luke heads to HK with his friend Rodan (Wilfredo Roldan), while there Rodan accidentally releases the demon from it's cell...

The demon makes it's way to NY and begins to terrorise the subway, but above ground a deadly war between black and Chinese gangs rages. Luke gets involved with both gangs, and only he can stop the demon...

So, it is a mix of blaxploitation, kung fu, horror and total weirdness. The film switches between these genres quickly, at times you wonder if you have just sat on the TV remote. 

One of the strangest films you'll ever see, and very gory and violent too. Does it make sense? To be honest not in any way whatsoever. But it doesn't matter, this film is genuinely original and amazing.

Ice Cream Man (1995)

An incredibly bizarre horror film. A new ice cream van arrives in town, the seller being the rather overtly strange Gregory (Clint Howard). Not long after he arrives then people start to go missing. These people, or rather their bodyparts, end up in Gregory's ice cream. The adults in town don't seem to care though but a bunch of kids who call themselves the Rocketeers (and include a kid called Tuna (JoJo Adams) who wears an obvious fat suit for some reason) know Gregory is up to no good...

A couple of detectives (Jan-Michael Vincent and Lee Majors II) are investigating the disappearances and get a hot tip (from the kids) that Gregory is behind it. They search Gregory's ice cream parlour but for some reason do not look in his ice cream van. That isn't the only rather baffling bit of "police" work they do. They go to the asylum, which Gregory was once at, and find freakish scenes of torture and horror, even having to shoot their way out. And then it seems to be all forgotten!

Trashy films like this often make little sense, this makes even less than most. The horror is rather over the top gruesome (including an ice ball inside an ice cream) and the body count is pretty high. There are also a number of intriguing cameos including David Warner as a vicar! The film is a mess, as much a mess as the cops leave Gregory's ice cream parlour in, but it is rather compelling.

The Hand of Night (1968)

An engaging tale of Arabic vampires. Paul (William Sylvester), broken after the deaths of his wife and children in an accident, travels to Morocco. There he meets archaeologist Gunther (Edward Underdown) who is about to open the tomb of a priestess. Paul has already seen Gunther in a nightmare though along with various other strange things...

Then Paul ends up in a mysterious palace where he meets Marissa (Aliza Gur), funnily enough that is the name of the priestess in the tomb. Despite dancing girls and much exotica at night when Paul returns to the palace in the daytime he finds it is just a ruin. With the help of Gunther's assistant Chantel (Diane Clare), Paul seeks to find out what is going on. Why is he being haunted by Marissa? He cheated death, or did he?

An enjoyable horror romp, full of exotic mystery and no little camp. 

The Whispering Shadow (Serial) (1933)

A superbly complicated and fast moving serial full of fights, death defying stunts and mad science. A mysterious crime boss called the Whispering Shadow is stealing valuable items from a storage company. The transport manager Jack (Malcolm McGregor) is out to stop the criminal and uncover his secret identity.

Of course there are a lot of potential culprits, chief among them seems to be Dr Strang (Bela Lugosi) who had a macabre house of waxworks (and a lovely daughter - Viva Tattersall - whom Jack soon has the hots for!) Strang also has a television device, might he also have the radio death ray which the Whispering Shadow uses to kill his victims remotely? Or could it be the radio scientist (Roy D’Arcy)? Obviously it won’t be the apparently layabout and foolish radio operator Sparks (Karl Dane)...

Being a serial of course there are many cliff hangers, red herrings and epic stunts, including an autogyro crashing into a radio tower and a collapsing room. Many shots are fired too in countless shootouts though most are to no avail! (No one could aim straight in these 1930s serials that is for sure.) A terrific over the top serial.

Monster from Green Hell (1957)

There was an obsession with radiation causing giant size mutation in animals in 1950s cinema. This is yet another tale of a rocket taking something up into space (wasps in this case). When the rocket lands the wasps becomes a giant monsters and starts killing everything in their path! Dr Brady (Jim Davis) and Dan Morgan (Robert Griffin) head to Africa to investigate. The path to the remote part of Africa known as Green Hell is tough though, with attacks by tribes of natives and poisoned streams.

Once Brady and Dan reach the village near Green Hell they discover the local doctor (Vladimir Sokoloff) is dead, killed by the monster. They head into Green Hell with the doctor's daughter Lorna (Barbara Turner) to face, and stop, the monsters...

A fairly standard monster sci-fi film, padded out with plenty of stock footage of African safaris. The monster special effects are suitably ridiculous and cheap looking. Fun nonsense if a bit generic.

What Have They Done to Your Daughters? (1974)

A dark tale of teenage prostitution and ultra violence. When a young girl is found hanged, Assistant DA Stori (Giovanna Ralli) and Inspector Silvestri (Claudio Cassinelli) soon unravel a trail of prostitution and murder involving school girls and rich important men.

A man in black leather is riding around on a motorbike and silencing any witnesses, and the police themselves, with various sharp objects...

This is a brutal film, the killings and sexual details are not subtle by any means. Amid the mayhem though this is a very solid crime film and includes a lot of suspense and action, including an excellent motorcycle police chase.

Space Mutiny (1988)

An unbelievably bad sci-fi movie, the sheer awfulness making it unbelievably entertaining. On a colony ship in deep space unrest is building thanks to the evil Enforcer Kalgen (John Philip Law) who wants to send the ship into pirate territory. He begins acts of sabotage, one of which almost kills hot shot space pilot Dave Ryder (Reb Brown). Dave survives though and soon is leading the fight against Kalgon and his inept goons, assisted by the commander's daughter Lea (Cisse Cameron)...

So, this is a film which reuses footage from Battlestar Galactica (all the space scenes) - though some are played backwards. The original special effects are not up to much. Most of the space ship interior looks like an abandoned factory, with a few "futuristic" sets which use 1980s PCs. The bad guys drive around in golf carts which fire laser guns. Meanwhile, there are a group of alien women aboard who prance around to New Age music and appear to exert some kind of psychic control on people, though not much effect on the plot. 

The plot is rather basic and incoherent. The acting is almost universally awful. The fight scenes chaotic and inept... Obviously the film is hilarious. This is a film where one of the supporting actors dies... and then reappears as an extra in the next scene!

The Secret Place (1957)

An excellent crime drama with a difference, this is a true film of two halves. The first shows a daring diamonds robbery, the second centres around a young man bought unwittingly into the crime and now in possession of the diamonds which the gang want back.

Gerry (Ronald Lewis) is part of a gang which intends to steal diamonds. He is also in love with Molly (Belinda Lee). Now Molly's brother Mike (David McCallum) is on the fringes of the gang and comes up with a way for the gang to get their hands on a policeman's uniform. There is this boy, Freddie (Michael Brooke), who's dad is a copper and Freddie has a crush on Molly...

After the crime Freddie ends up, by accident, being in possession of the loot. Gerry and the gang of course want it back but a complication is that Freddie's young boy heart has been broken by Molly...

A tense drama, evocative with the sights and sounds of late 1950s London, with a lot of bombed out buildings still around. The film packs in the emotion, and many emotions too. The film may be a bit slow at times but personally i felt it made good use of the extra time.

Daily Beauty Rituals (1937)

A lovely little film set at the height of pre-war Hollywood glamour. Constance Bennett reveals her rather relaxed and lavish beauty regime once she finally drags herself out of bed! This involves applying varying creams, having a bath and being annoyed by regular time checks from her maid! It is all rather strange, and probably not much practical help to the average fan, but at all times Constance is suitably glamorous!

The Tattoo Connection (1978)

A funky late 1970s kung fu crime tale with a touch of blaxploitation. A highly valuable diamond is stolen in HK by Lu's (Sing Chen) gang. The US insurance company sends Lucas (Jim Kelly) to retrieve the diamond amid a large number of fights across HK.

So a simple plot but this has a number of interesting sub-plots. We have Tung Hao (Tao-Liang Tan), a conflicted triad member who regrets the killings that Lu takes part in. Nana (Nana Misaki), a dancer and prostitute linked to the gang (and Tung Hao's girl), who is desperate to have a better life.

The film is often unintentionally hilarious, Bolo Yeung is dubbed with a cockney accent for example. The film also has quite a bit of gratuitous female nudity, and lots and lots of violence. The fighting is of a good standard and overall the film is well worth a watch.

Machine Gun McCain (1969)

A stylish and brutally bleak gangster film. McCain (John Cassavetes) is released on parole and is immediately involved in a new plan to rob a casino in Vegas by his son (whom he barely knows). The plan is actually the brainchild of Adamo (Peter Falk) who runs the Mafia on the West coast but wants to muscle in on Vegas and the East coast's territory...

Although Adamo is scared off by the mob, McCain - who by now has hooked up with young lovely Irene (Britt Ekland) - is going to go through with the job. An ingenious heist occurs involving plenty of home made bombs and a fake firefighter uniform. McCain ends up with two million dollars, but his plan to get away with it could do with some work, especially as the mob are now on his ass...

An excellent gangster crime drama with some great performances especially Peter Falk's. Amid the glamour and style of late 1960s San Francisco (which the Ennio Morricone soundtrack really sets off) is a crushing inevitability and doom about the proceedings as the bodies pile up. You may rip off a casino but ripping off the mob is the highest stakes of all. 

His First Flame (1927)

Harry (Harry Langdon) is determined to marry Ethel (Natalie Kingston) with whom he is head over heels in love. His uncle the Fire Chief (Vernon Dent) tries his best to stop Harry from marrying but to no avail. However, it turns out that Ethel is just after Harry's money (her sister Ruth Hiatt is the one really with the hots for Harry) and his heart is broken. He spends the night at the fire station in despair then a building catches fire and Harry has the chance to be a hero and find love after all...

A simple and fairly charming little comedy. There is some good humour, some of it quite dark at times too. The final set-piece in the burning building gives ample opportunity for crazy stunts and visual gags.

City That Never Sleeps (1953)

An unforgettable Noir crime drama. Johnny (Gig Young) is a reluctant job who hates his job and his life. In fact he plans to start anew. 

After a final night shift he is going to quit the force, work for crooked lawyer Biddel (Edward Arnold) and shack up with a stripper called Angel Face (Mala Powers)! Well it is good to have a plan, unfortunately nothing really goes to plan that night for Johnny.

The events slowly unfold that night in Chicago as Biddel's scheme for Johnny (arrest the upstart Hayes Stewart (William Talman) and dump him over state lines) falls apart and Johnny suffers a terrible loss. All the while he is being shadowed by a rather strange Sergeant (Chill Wills). 

This is a rich Noir full of suspense though played with a light touch and a touch of the mystical, sharp dialogue and quirky oddities. It includes a man who's job is to pretend to be a robot in a club window!

Undercover Agent (1939)

A reasonable little film. Postal inspector Bill (Russell Gleason) is suspended from his job - in a rather odd manner (he foils a crime but uses his official gun). He finds out about a gang and their scam selling fake lottery tickets. He decides to go undercover and investigate the scam, and break it up (and thus get his old job back...)

One complication is his girlfriend Betty (Shirley Deane) or rather her alcoholic father Tom (J.M. Kerrigan) who always seems to get in the way. He is a rather annoying character, we first see him trying to pawn Betty's confirmation locket in order to buy booze!

The sometimes novel characterisations elevate this film above the mundane. The plot is basic and everything is all right in the end. And they all went home happily for tea (though Tom would rather something stronger!) 

Hangar 18 (1980)

An excellent science-fiction / conspiracy theory film if a bit crazy. A space shuttle mission goes wrong when a satellite the astronauts launch hits... something. That something being a UFO which lands in Arizona and is taken to a secret installation called Hanger 18. The President's man Gordon Cain (Robert Vaughn) doesn't want news of the discovery coming out so close to the election so everything is kept top secret, and for some reason the astronauts Steve (Gary Collins) and Lew (James Hampton) are blamed for the lost satellite and death of their colleague.

To be honest this seems a rather strange way to go about it, and as Steve and Lou understandably want to find out what is really going on they are soon leaving a trail of carnage and dead Feds across the US. Meanwhile at Hangar 18, the scientists are making some incredibly discoveries including about the origin of mankind...

A good fun film though somewhat marred by the bizarre actions of the US government and very inept way they go about it (though some might cynically say this makes the film authentic!) The investigation of the alien ship is excellent. The politics less so.

Lust for a Vampire (1971)

Proving there was more to British vampire films than Christopher Lee in a cloak, the heirs of the Karnstein use the blood of a maiden (of course) to return to life the beautiful and evil Carmilla Karnstein. The locals warn of dark deeds taking place in the Karnstein castle...

However, when novelist Richard Lestrange (Michael Johnson) turns up at the castle he finds a rather strange finishing school run by Giles (Ralph Bates). The latest pupil is the rather gorgeous Mircalla (Yutte Stensgaard), with whom Richard falls in love and he manages to get a job at the school as a teacher...

Then the deaths start to occur, at the school and the village. Could it be Mircalla is actually the evil Carmilla?

An exotic and fun romp of a film though with a rather incoherent plot. You might not be too bothered about that though due to the amount of cleavage on show.

Drugs Are Like That (1969)

A bizarre little film warning children about the dangers of drugs. The film shows children indulging in normal childhood antics like building lego and stealing from the cookie jar and then the narrator Anita Bryant warns the viewer that "drugs are like that!". 

Basically anything you might do also be dangerous, we cut to a child swinging on a rope over water which snaps, and the child ends up drowning. Drugs are like that apparently!

So it is rather strange and rather weird. Whether it would stop anyone trying drugs is doubtful. You might feel you have dropped some acid after watching it.

Ninja Condors (1987)

A remarkably over the top ninja film (even by the standards of the genre!) As a boy Brian (Alexander Lo Rei) witnessed his father torn apart by motorbikes, but was saved by a cop. Now he is a man and part of a brutal ninja crime syndicate led by Lucifer (George Nicholas). However Brian's heart isn't really in all the killings involved and he is kicked out of the gang. Though next Lucifer orders him to be killed (which makes the decision to let him go in the first place a bit strange, but plot coherence isn't the film's strongest point).

Brian meets a guy called Eddie (Eugene Thomas) and they start a strange friendship. They also become targets for Lucifer's gang. Many many fights follow, including involving Lucifer's girlfriend (Mary Johnson). Eddie turns out to be a cop and using Brian to get the low-down on Lucifer's gang...

The action in this film is completely over the top with many ninja wire-fu stunts. The sheer insanity of the action really makes the film. There isn't a great deal of story, but there are quite a few decapitations and lots of throwing stars.