Santa Claus vs The Devil (1959)

Some truly bizarre Christmas fare.

Santa Claus (José Elias Moreno) is preparing for Christmas, and bringing joy to all the good little girls and boys. These include poor Lupita who is a very good girl who only wants a doll. However, the Devil sends his minion Pitch (José Luis Aguirre), who tries to corrupt Lupita into stealing that doll. Luckily Lupita remains good (a real little angel to be honest). Pitch recruits three bad boys to help him try and stop Santa in a number of traps and ruin Christmas...

Very strange stuff and often very surreal, Santa's robot surveillance system and flying castle base are amazing if somewhat odd. In mortal peril from the evil of the Devil, Santa is helped by Merlin (Armando Arriola) - well of course! The film has some real mind bending charm and is fun, though may cause some nightmares. Well Merry Christmas anyway!

Santa's Christmas Circus (1966)

A somewhat awful little film in many ways though (unintentionally) funny in others.

The clown Whizzo (Frank Wiziarde), after much mild slapstick and messing about, finally gathers a group of children who sit around while he tries to entertain them and instil some Christmas spirit. To be honest they often look pretty bored and cough a lot (one seems to fart as well). Finally, Whizzo takes them to see Santa Claus (John Bilyeu) on a flying carpet (well of course). 

This is a strange film to be honest. Some of Whizzo's humour hasn't dated too well, though you wonder if it was that funny in the 1960s considering the audience reaction in the film! None of it really makes much sense. Maybe you shouldn't really expect it to?

The film has some nice footage of department store Christmas displays and a pleasing kitsch look and feel though at times will test your Christmas spirit. The real star of the film is the little girl who coughs throughout.

Santa with Muscles (1996)

A Hulk Hogan Christmas movie, this isn't as bad as you think it'll be. Its far worse.

Blake (Hogan) is a mean millionaire. In typical movie cliche style he bangs his head and now becomes a good guy in his amnesiac state. No one recognises him despite the fact he made his money selling best selling health supplements with his face plastered all over them! Plus the fact Hulk Hogan isn't exactly the most inconspicuous looking person in the world. As Blake banged his head wearing a Santa outfit for reasons he thinks he really is Father Christmas.

Meanwhile, another rich evil man called Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr) wants to close down an orphanage so he can get his hands on highly volatile crystals in catacombs below the orphanage. Blake, who by now has regained his memory, and also reveals he was at the orphanage as a child, becomes a good guy (yay!) and battles Frost and his collection of goons (which includes Brutus Beefcake as a "sumo lab assistant" - what?)

So, a very strange film indeed. Quite terrible in terms of story and plot too, some of the action scenes are well done - if rather inexplicable. The comedy though, which the film really should have more of, is lacking badly - apart from the unintentional of course.

The Christmas Tree (1975)

There isn't much to this short film. The tale of a tinsel Christmas tree that is taken to a home, stands watch over Christmas and is then binned and burnt (and goes to Christmas tree heaven!)

This tree has a face (Julian Chagrin) however, but the family do not seem to notice this oddity. It is a charming but somewhat odd film, and i love it. As a child of the 1970s, the most dear Christmas time to me was the mid-1970s when it was still a wonder to me and not a chore. The true magic of Christmas is there. Coming down to the tree all excited on Christmas morning to get my new toys. Luckily our trees didn't have faces, or die for that matter as it was made of plastic tinsel. 

So, this is a great little oddity of a film and the best Christmas film i've ever seen (though to be honest that isn't saying much as the genre is usually pretty awful). Anyway Merry Christmas!

Carry on Christmas (1969)

The Carry On team do a Christmas Carol... and er... Frankenstein and Dracula for some reason.

Scrooge (Sid James) makes the life of Cratchit (Bernard Bresslaw) a misery. Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas past (Charles Hawtrey) and present (Barbara Windsor). We then get a rather odd horror film pastiche involving Dr Frank N Stein (Terry Scott) and then a pantomime. It is all rather strange and all rather awful...

The script was rather uninspired and it seems thrown together very poorly. The only real humour is from the classic catchphrases from the likes of Sid James and Charles Hawtrey. 

Its a real shame as this could have been something special with most of the classic cast being present. Best enjoyed on Christmas night after half a bottle of brandy.

I Believe in Santa Claus (1984)

A Christmas movie with a bit of a difference. Simon (Emeric Chapulis) is sad for a number of reasons, including being bullied at school, menaced by the evil caretaker and because his parents are missing in Africa. He writes his letter to Santa asking for him to bring them back. When he and his friend Elodie (Alexia Haudrot) end up on a plane to Lapland, he gets to meet Santa (Armand Meffre) and ask him to help for real!

Santa goes to Africa (this isn't narrowed down any, let's face is "Africa" is quite a big place) with the Good Fairy (Karen Chéryl) - who also looks rather like Simon's teacher at school, must be a coincidence. Once in Africa, Santa and the Fairy discover Simon's parents are being held hostage by some rebels. To get them freed, Santa needs the help of some children with guns (yes this is a strange Christmas movie!) Meanwhile, in Lapland Simon and Elodie have wandered off and are about to be eaten by an Evil Ogre (Dominique Hulin)!

Although a bit odd at times, this is a lovely Christmas movie which doesn't overdo the saccharine. Karen Chéryl also provides a number of musical numbers in her various guises. 

Santa Claus (1898)

Possibly the earliest appearance of Santa Claus in a film, he is noticeably not quite as rotund as later on (all those mince pies obviously). A short simple film made by George Albert Smith showing Santa Claus visiting a couple of children at Christmas (sound asleep of course), but with some interesting camera effects especially for the day. A simple and lovely way to show the magic of Christmas.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

A very strange film, apparently a Christmas tale though it spends quite a lot of time displaying nuclear missiles and bombers! Martian children are watching Santa Claus on Earth TV and are sad that they have no toys and joy, no Christmas! The leader of the Martians, Kimar (Leonard Hicks) decides to go to Earth. However, for a change the Martians are not bent on destroying the world or stealing our women... no, instead they want Santa Claus!

The Martians manage to kidnap the real Santa (John Call) and two children (Victor Stiles and Betty Conforti) and take them to Mars. Santa manages to defeat the Martians and bring Christmas to Martian children! Hooray!

Obviously very silly, and not a little trippy. It is also pretty low budget though that adds to the fun, the Martians are all in green and have antennae growing out of their heads of course! The special effects are fairly cheap (though better than some serious science fiction films). The man in the polar bear suit is hilarious.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

A very strange film. Santa (Jay Ripley) is stuck in Florida, his sleigh embedded deeply in about 2cm of sand, just before Christmas Eve. To avoid a disaster for children everywhere Santa calls for help from some local kids, they bring their pets and various other animals to try and pull Santa's sleigh free. A man in a rather unconvincing gorilla outfit also has a go.

It doesn't work and Santa begins to tell the kids some fairy stories to cheer them up... Jack and the Bean Stalk in fact. Why? Well that doesn't make such sense really, though there was a lot of handy footage from an earlier film that could be recycled...

The film is incredibly cheaply made and shoddy and has endless awful songs. It is supposed to be a children's film though sometimes seems rather dark and surreal. You may wonder what it is exactly which has made a large dark stain on the back of Santa's trousers. The Christmas movie genre is not generally known for good films but this must rank as one of the worst? Amid the weirdness and awfulness is true joy for those inclined of course.

Christmas Eve (1915)

A cute little short feature with a traditional Christmas story. Gregory Scott plays a poor man with a sick wife and a young daughter. Desperate to improve his wife's condition he steals from his employer and is fired. Angry and even more desperate he gets a gun and goes to fire his ex-employer but he sees his daughter talking to him and changes his mind. In the end his employer forgives him in the spirit of Christmas and invites the family to join Christmas with them.

That is basically it really for the story which is a bit basic and is probably inspired by Dickins. It is nicely filmed, the acting is fairly natural especially by the little girl whose name unfortunately does not seem to have been recorded.