Mission Stardust (1967)

In space, but its full of cheese.

A mission to the moon soon runs in to trouble as the technology stops working. The astronauts led by Rhodan (Lang Jeffries) discover they are not alone. A race of super-advanced aliens (who oddly enough look just like us) are already on the moon. 

However, their leader Crest (John Karlsen) is dying but there is a medicine that can save him on Earth. Unfortunately, enemy agents and robots are out to make matters complicated...

An enjoyable science fiction film though the decent start does tail off and lose energy once the film returns to Earth. The film is full of cheese though and sexy space escapades with some interesting variations on the space exploration / alien encounter theme.

Black Cobra (1987)

Violent nonsense as the loner cop fights a violent motorbike gang in a 1980s post-industrial wasteland. So, pretty original then.

A brutal gang led by Bruno Bilotta is killing and raping people at random. They next attack photographer Elys (Eva Grimaldi) whom the gang think has taken photographs of them. The police call upon maverick cop Malone (Fred Williamson) to protect Elys from the thugs who are out to kill her no matter the cost...

This is a pretty generic late 1980s low budget violent film, the sort of film that used to fill video rental shop shelves by the dozens. It isn't that bad a film really, but you will have seen it all before and usually a lot better. 

It is what it is, plenty of violence and late 1980s post-industrial grime.

Death Rage (1976)

A middling Mafia romp.

After a mafia hit in Italy, semi-retired hitman Peter (Yul Brynner) comes over from New York to finally avenge his brother. He gets help from wannabe gangster Angelo (Massimo Ranieri) and his girl (but soon Peter's girl) Anny (Barbara Bouchet)...

This is a fairly unoriginal gangster film, but a decent job has been made of it. The clichés and action scenes come thick and fast, it isn't great though Yul Brynner is superb in all his scenes, one notable fight being in an underground railway station. 

This was Yul Brynner's final film before he gave up on the movies, so hopefully this film wasn't the cause of that decision! 

African Story (1971)

A cool if somewhat strange early 1970s drama.

Producer Arnold Tiller (Stephen Boyd) dislikes his hot pop star Rex Maynard (Michael Kirner), especially when Rex elopes with his daughter (Sue Kiel) to South Africa. 

Arnold has other problems though, as the mob are blackmailing him. Rex has to deal with a fake kidnapping and then a real one...

A rather odd film and not without plenty of flaws including some rather obvious dubbing at times, however it does look good and has plenty of charm and style, the character of Rex in particular is fun. The film also has an unexpected and slightly unusual ending.

Eye of the Evil Dead (1982)

A young girl is possessed by an evil ancient Egyptian spirit while on holiday, well that is certainly a holiday souvenir you don't want.

Susie (Brigitta Bocolli) is on holiday with her archaeologist father Professor Hacker (Christopher Connelly) in Egypt. Susie encounters a mysterious old woman who gives her an amulet. Once the family return to New York, anyone around Susie is in danger as she now possesses evil diabolical powers. Hacker, who has been blinded by energy blasts while opening a tomb, enlists the help of Adrian (Cosimo Cinieri) who is, er... an antique dealer, to save Susie and stop the terror...

This isn't a great film and does not make a lot of sense. It has plenty of mystical ancient Egyptian magic and evil though which is always entertaining. The film could have been pretty decent if the plot had been heavily edited.

Aenigma (1987)

A rather disturbing horror, though the victims tend to be pretty loathsome.

Kathy (Mijlijana Zirojevic), a nerdy outcast at an elitist school, is badly injured when a prank by school bullies goes wrong. Eva (Lara Lamberti) turns up at the school soon after and befriends the pupils who bullied Kathy. 

It turns out though that Eva is being controlled by Kathy who has somehow gained diabolical psychic powers while in a coma. Kathy begins her revenge on the bullies using Eva, in various terrible ways (including being smothered by snails)...

Taking place in a boarding school full of attractive young women, this film does have somewhat of an exploitative feel along with the brutal horror. The horror and camerawork is often very inventive. It could be utterly awful but somehow holds it together enough to be worthwhile.

Flashman (1967)

Before they started taking themselves too seriously, super hero movies tended to be cheesy and fun. This Italian film certainly is both of those!

Rotten criminals in old London town steal the formula for invisibility from a (mad) scientist. The Kid (Ivano Staccioli) uses this new power to steal cash from a bank, though is foiled by Flashman (Paulo Gozlino) - a super hero who is also a member of the Royal Family! What makes things more complicated is that the stolen money is worthless, it was all counterfeit spread by a gang of gorgeous female forgers led by (Claudie Lange)...

This film is silly and makes little sense. The camp factor is high and the action is ridiculous, the invisible man scenes are often quite laughably poor. As long as you don't take it seriously then it is a fun, if at times a little too over the top, watch.

The Castle of Fu Manchu (1969)

The last of five Fu Manchu films starring Christopher Lee in the 1960s, but really a step too far.

Evil Fu Manchu (Lee) has forced a scientist to develop a new fiendish machine which can freeze water en masse, he demonstrates it by freezing the seas around an ocean liner (and definitely not re-using footage from a Titanic movie...) Of course, Fu Manchu wants a lot of cash from the world government in return for not using his new weapon.

The British send their top agent Nayland Smith (Richard Greene) to stop Manchu, who is holed up in a Turkish castle he has stolen...

By now the Fu Manchu series was a bit tired and bereft of ideas, Christopher Lee and Tsai Chin (Fu Manchu's daughter) are always a good turn and very watchable but everything else is rather cheap and dreary. The film is also padded out with irrelevant scenes which drag the story down. Campy and schlocky, which is fun at times, but overall that isn't quite enough.

The Dirty Dozen: The Fatal Mission (1988)

The last of a series of Dirty Dozen sequels, by now everything was wearing a bit too thin.

It is 1943 and secretly the Nazis believe the war can't be won, thus twelve young Nazi hot shots are going to be sent to the Middle East to lay the foundations for the Fourth Reich. Major Wright (Telly Savalas) recruits another bunch of condemned and hopeless convicts for another suicide mission to go deep into Nazi held eastern Europe and kill the Nazis before they can reach Istanbul.

To make things more complicated, one of the Major's Dirty Dozen is a Nazi spy and is intent on sabotaging the mission. The Major thus changes his plan on the fly though this could mean his men become targets of the RAF!

A rather by-the-numbers TV movie, it has the usual tired tropes of crack SS stormtroopers not being able to shoot straight plus the premise doesn't really make a lot of sense. It is fine enough to watch if you just want some wartime action and not worry too much about quite why!

Planet of the Vampires (1965)

An incredibly campy science-fiction epic. 

A team of astronauts led by Markary (Barry Sullivan) land on an alien world, and immediately things start to go wrong. Crew members start to act strangely, out of control and attacking their own colleagues. 

Some crewmen die and even are bought back to life as murderous zombies on this eerie mysterious world.

Although the sets and costumes are incredibly campy (but to be fair also of the time) and the budget was pretty low, this film is actually rather good at times though let down by the dialogue. 

An atmospheric science-fiction horror. It was a big influence on Alien, which did pretty well.

Ator the Invincible (1983)

The second Ator movie, somehow even cheaper and shoddier than the first.

Ator (Miles O'Keefe) is living an easy life after his earlier exploits (which are recapped at length early in the film to pad it out), he is recruited by Mila (Lisa Foster) to help save her father (William Berger) from the evil Zor (David Brandon). The way to the castle of Zor is long (somewhat too long) and includes various battles against ridiculous creatures and monsters...

The first Ator film wasn't that great but it was much better than this nonsense. It is all a bit too cheap and lacks much of a plot, lots of swords and sorcery yes but what does it all mean at the end of the day apart from plenty of muscles and grunting?

Afghanistan - The Last War Bus (1989)

Plenty of action but not a lot of coherent plot.

Hondo (Mark Gregory) is a mercenary who is sent on a top secret mission into Afghanistan to locate a lost American officer and a bus (yes!) 

However, this is a very special bus as there are top secret plans hidden aboard. Hondo is a one man army, making his way across the country wiping out half of the Russian Army. But to escape, Hondo and some other Americans he frees must fix up the bus...

This isn't a very good film though has plenty of action. Naturally the only person who seems to know how to shoot straight is Hondo who can even shoot down helicopters with a shot gun. Despite all of the blood shed, the film is often a bit dull and slow.

Hands of Steel (1986)

Cyborg killer nonsense that somehow works.

It is the near future (well as far as the film was concerned, in fact it is 1997). The environment has collapsed and society isn't far behind. Moseley (Franco Fantasia) is the last hope for mankind but he is almost killed by a mysterious assailant, a hard bodied maniac called Paco (Daniel Greene) who is now on the run. It seems though that Paco is a cyborg sent by the evil Turner (John Saxon) but Paco failed to carry out his mission due to his latent humanity breaking out. Turner now sends his minions to dispose of Paco...

Paco is hiding out at a remote bar run by Linda (Janet Agren) where he spends his time defeating various trucker hoodlums at arm wrestling...

This film is rather low budget, this means a lot of dreary storyline with little happening is used to pad the film out, however when we do finally get to the final battle action set piece it is pretty spectacular and well worth waiting for. A great film overall, though doesn't make a lot of sense.

Touch and Die (1992)

A complicated if not very exciting thriller.

Frank Magenta (Martin Sheen) is a investigative reporter who is looking into the candidacy of presidential hopeful Scanzano (David Birney). Scanzano is doing well in the polls but is running out of money. 

Magenta discovers that stolen plutonium is being used to raise funds for the campaign, a deadly conspiracy which leaves a trail of dead bodies behind (some due to radiation poisoning and other quicker methods). Magenta and his family including his daughter Emma (Renée Estevez) are also in the firing line...

This is a long drawn out TV movie and could have done with some editing. The story is fine and certainly well travelled taking in Rome, Paris, NY and ..er.. Africa. The story is interesting but too long winded to maintain much level of excitement. 

The Day the Sky Exploded (1958)

One of the earliest Italian science-fiction movies and truly isn't that good.

McLaren (Paul Hubschmid) is chosen to be the first astronaut into outer space in a multi-national mission. The launch goes as planned but soon disaster strikes and asteroids are sent hurtling towards the Earth causing disasters all over the world! 

The only way the world can be saved is by the West and the Soviets working together and using their nuclear arsenals for good...

The movie has some good ideas, and some of the plot points will re-appear in later films. However, this is all rather odd and poorly made and the poor special effects (though fairly standard for the time) are overly padded out with stock footage. The film is what it is, and is worth watching for the curiosity value and for the plot being quite novel in many ways.

Light Blast (1985)

An insanely violent 1980s crime/science fiction film.

Dr Soboda (Ennio Girolami) is a renegrade scientist who has developed a death ray. He uses it to blow up a train and melt the unfortunate couple getting it on inside a boxcar. Soboda wants millions of dollars from the San Francisco authorities otherwise he will use his death ray again. He indeed does use this at a race track to deadly effect.

Supercop Inspector Ronn (Erik Estrada) is tasked with stopping Soboda. His investigations consists of getting into a string of fights including in a morgue! In fact there are a lot of fights in this, many many fights and many many deaths.

This is a fun 1980s action romp, full of stunts and action scenes and doesn't make a lot of sense. Not a film for character development, much in the way of plot or any logic. But the film is highly enjoyable as a mindless action romp so who cares?

Super Seven Calling Cairo (1965)

The success of James Bond in the 1960s sparked a whole wave of copycat films of various quality, this one isn't bad at all.

Super 7 (Roger Browne) is a British agent who is tasked to find a sample of a new super secret radioactive material which has been hidden in a camera. Super 7 heads to Cairo to find that the camera has been sold to a tourist by mistake. Unfortunately the bad guys led by the rather sinister ex-Nazi Alex (Massimo Serato) are also after the material and are quite happy to leave a trail of dead and broken bodies behind them.

Of course as this is a James Bond pastiche there are a number of beautiful women (including Fabienne Dali and Rosalba Neri) involved, some foes and some friends though as the film progresses its hard to know which is which...

This is a fun film that is quite outrageous in how it copies Bond but really thats how it should be. Fairly low budget but full of action.

The Salamander (1981)

Not quite as good as it could have been but this is an engaging and complex thriller.

A number of prominent figures in Italian society have been murdered. Police officer Dante (Franco Nero) investigates the murders which are linked by a calling card of the figure of a salamander. Dante begins to unravel a fascist plot to stage a coup and now his life and that of Lili (Sybil Danning) is in danger...

This film has a great cast including Anthony Quinn and Christopher Lee though at times can be a bit hard going. The storyline is complicated but lacks the right amount of energy and dynamism to make this compelling and not a bit of a slog. The film is worth seeing though for the good performances and the intrigue which can be down right dark at times, especially in the torture scenes.

Beyond Justice (1991)

A desert romp and also utterly terrible.

A spoilt rich kid (David Flosi) is kidnapped by his father (Kabir Bedi) and taken to the desert to become the next Emir of a violent clan in Morocco. His spoilt rich mother Christine (Carol Alt) hires ex-CIA agent Burton (Rutger Hauer) to rescue him. Christine insists on tagging along though as Burton takes on the Emir's (Omar Sharif) goons...

This is pretty poor stuff, so disjointed and confusing. The reason for this is that this is a film length version of a five hour TV mini series! Maybe the original series makes sense but this film edit so often doesn't. Hauer does his usual action hero stuff and that can be good at times, but the problem is the rest of this mess. 

You really do get the feeling Hauer, Sharif and Elliot Gould, who plays Christine's lawyer, are pretty wasted here. Fast forward between the action scenes and it is entertaining enough.

Robot Holocaust (1987)

The post-apocalypse has never been more dangerous... or boring.

It is the post-apocalypse on a planet called New Terra (even though a rather intact Manhattan is clearly visible in some of the outside shots and Central Park in others). People in rags fight and die until the evil rule of Dark One and his robot army, led by the incredibly campy and over the top Valaria (Angelica Jager).

Neo (Norris Culf) arrives at this hell on ..er.. New Terra and is persuaded to help Deeja (Nadine Hartstein) rescue her scientist father Klyton (J. Buzz von Ornsteiner) from the Dark One as he has invented a weapon to finally defeat the Dark One. Neo assembles a mixed crew of scantily clad heroes and an annoying robot to face a series of dangers and quite a few rather inept fights.

The plot alone means this film won't be a cinematic classic but films like New Barbarians had ropey plots too but were still great fun to watch. The main problem with Robot Holocaust is that it is all so lifeless and dreary. Fights are slow and pointless, the characters move between somewhat similar looking though apparently completely different areas of the "wasteland" slowly for no reason. It is a terrible film, one of the worst ever. It is however, well worth watching for Angelica Jager alone. An astonishing performance is more ways than one.