The Castle of Fu Manchu (1969)

The last of five Fu Manchu films starring Christopher Lee in the 1960s, but really a step too far.

Evil Fu Manchu (Lee) has forced a scientist to develop a new fiendish machine which can freeze water en masse, he demonstrates it by freezing the seas around an ocean liner (and definitely not re-using footage from a Titanic movie...) Of course, Fu Manchu wants a lot of cash from the world government in return for not using his new weapon.

The British send their top agent Nayland Smith (Richard Greene) to stop Manchu, who is holed up in a Turkish castle he has stolen...

By now the Fu Manchu series was a bit tired and bereft of ideas, Christopher Lee and Tsai Chin (Fu Manchu's daughter) are always a good turn and very watchable but everything else is rather cheap and dreary. The film is also padded out with irrelevant scenes which drag the story down. Campy and schlocky, which is fun at times, but overall that isn't quite enough.

Planet of the Vampires (1965)

An incredibly campy science-fiction epic. 

A team of astronauts led by Markary (Barry Sullivan) land on an alien world, and immediately things start to go wrong. Crew members start to act strangely, out of control and attacking their own colleagues. 

Some crewmen die and even are bought back to life as murderous zombies on this eerie mysterious world.

Although the sets and costumes are incredibly campy (but to be fair also of the time) and the budget was pretty low, this film is actually rather good at times though let down by the dialogue. 

An atmospheric science-fiction horror. It was a big influence on Alien, which did pretty well.

Escape from El Diablo (1983)

A terrible film really though a useful guide at what not to do when you visit a rough bar next to a brutal Mexican prison.

A group of young Americans, tired of getting into fights they somehow win in California, instead decide to head over the border to a notorious bar. Daniel (Jimmy McNichol) and Pauli (Timothy Van Patten) arrive in town, already heading into trouble, given dire warnings by the sinister looking Patrick Mower and a fight with a prison guard. 

Despite this the two lads are happy to stay, ending up in a brawl after stealing Mower's (who turns out to be a senior guard at the prison) girlfriend. Naturally Pauli ends up stuck in prison, Daniel hunted by the guards (though at the same time as Mower is trying to extort money from him which obviously makes sense)...

Yes the film makes no sense what so ever. The sheer stupidity of the mains makes it hard to care about them. They are the kind of idiots who would fire guns at a nuclear reactor for the laughs. The early 1980s cheese factor may entertain you some what but the film can't really be recommended.

Dark Tower (1987)

A rather strange horror, not without some bright spots though few and far between.

Carolyn (Jenny Agutter) is the architect of a rather horrible looking new skyscraper in Barcelona. Mysterious happenings which result in grisly deaths and plenty of gore. Investigator Dennis (Michael Moriarty) brings in a paranormal investigator in Dr Gold (Theodore Bikel) after he suspects something really weird is going on. Dennis thinks that Carolyn's missing presumed dead husband might be behind the evil spirit...

Not the best horror film by any means, the film is rather cheap and not very cheerful. It is also rather disjointed and illogical. The horror thrills though are frequently quite exciting if ridiculous. 

The Girl from Rio (1969)

A bizarre crime action film. There are many films which make little sense, but this film makes none whatsoever.

The all-female queendom of Femina, under the rule of Sumitra (Shirley Eaton), wants to conquer the world. Jeff (Richard Wyler) has arrived in Rio with $10 million. The gangster Sir Masius (George Sanders), whose men drive around incognito in gaudy hearses, is after his money though his hoods are pretty useless in a fight. Sumitra also wants the cash as well and captures Jeff. Jeff is take to Femina and ends up in a glass cell along with Ulla (Marta Reeve) being tortured. We discover that Jeff is really here to rescue her. Though, he seems to pick up quite a harem along the way.

It's terrible campy nonsense really, but looks pretty funky. Sumitra's fortress is a concrete Brutalist marvel. Her tortures involve many strange early electronic noises. Her army of females are (of course) fairly scantily dressed. Well it was 1969, who needed acid when films like this were around?

A Candle for the Devil (1973)

A wonderfully dark and erotic horror. Strict religious sisters Marta (Aurora Batista) and Veronica (Esperanza Roy) own a Spanish guest house. Their religious sensibilities are offended by a new generation of young women whom they consider have low morals, though Veronica is sleeping with the servant boy half her age. When one young woman is accidentally killed, Marta regards it as judgment from God and the sisters cover up their crime. When the woman's sister Laura (Judy Geeson) turns up looking for her, things start to get tense and awkward questions get asked...

An erotic film with lots of nudity and lots of violent and grisly murder. The film portrays the divide between the old traditional religious morals and the new freer secular way. It also shows the hypocrisy of both worlds. A tense and exciting film.

Supersonic Man (1979)

A shameless but also hilarious superhero movie. Supersonic Man, born on another planet, is sent to Earth to combat a growing threat there, he takes on the appearance and personality of Paul (Antonio Cantafora). The threat is from the diabolical Dr Gulik (Cameron Mitchell) who sends his laser gun armed goons, and rather ridiculous looking robot, to steal nuclear materials so he can build a death ray and conquer the Earth.

Gulik also kidnaps the scientist Professor Morgan (Jose Maria Caffafrel) to assist with his plans though Morgan refuses to help. Gulik sends his men, led by Petersen (Frank Brana), to kidnap Morgan's daughter Patricia (Diana Polokov). That is when Paul/Supersonic Man starts to intervene and foil Gulik's evil plans...

A fun film with laughable special effects and very cheesy and goofy superhero antics. The film rips off a number of other better known films including Superman itself. The film is often quite strange with numerous misfiring attempts at comedy thrown in. Why that is needed when the main premise is so ridiculous and funny is a question even Supersonic Man's powers have no answer for. Unfortunately no one makes a "I'll make a supersonic man out of you" joke.

A Town Called Hell (1971)

A gritty spaghetti western but taken to such extremes as to approach self-parody. A band of Mexican bandits takes over a small town and massacres much of the population, either by gun or noose. Some time later Alvira (Stella Stevens) turns up with a hearse looking for her husband's body and the identity of his killer and will pay a handsome price in gold.

Obviously the leader in the town, Don Carlos (Telly Savalas) is keen on the reward. The name of the killer is apparently someone called Aguila though no one knows where he is. Not the rebel leaders one of whom is now the priest (Robert Shaw) and The Colonel (Martin Landau)...

In truth the film is rather confusing though also very brutal and sadistic. It is a messy film where the flow is continually interrupted by little vignettes, some of which work some don't. Interesting if not wonderful.

Superargo and the Faceless Giants (1968)

A rather strange Italian-Spanish superhero film. Top sports stars, including pro wrestlers, are being kidnapped by faceless (well kinda) robots and then bundled into the back of a Ford Transit van. The police can only call upon one man to fight this new menace... an ex-wrestler and now superhero who wears a red rubber suit and can float in mid-air (of course).

Superargo (Giovanni Clanfriglia) is that man, and is soon fighting the robots in various awkwardly choreographed fight scenes. He finds out that the mysterious Professor Wond (Guy Madison) is behind this menace. Superargo, along with his mentor Kamir (Aldo Sambrell), manages to get the help of Wond's assistant Gloria (Diana Loris) and infiltrates Wond's sub-Bond villain cavern lair...

It is all very silly of course, the light nonsensical plot merely a flimsy skeleton for a series of action scenes of varying quality. Very much a rip-off of 60s style superhero antics, even the music is vaguely Batman-esque. It is all a lot of fun.

Missile X: Tehran Incident (1979)

Unintentionally hilarious sub-Bond nonsense. A peace summit is due to be held in the Persian Gulf but the Baron (Curt Jurgens) seeks to attack it using a stolen Russian nuclear missile (which so obviously looks like it has been made out of cardboard). CIA agent Franklin (Peter Graves) is sent to Iran where he meets up with his Soviet counterpart Senyonov (Michael Dante) to find out whats going on.

Quite what their plan is remains a mystery as they seem to aimlessly move from one fight to the other, including a formless brawl in a casino. Luckily for our heroes the Baron's men are low-rent thugs including a man with a metal arm that can project spikes. They all share a lack of ability to fight and shoot straight in scene after scene. 

Franklin meanwhile sleeps with women young enough to be his daughter (at least). As the film progresses you get the impression he might be a little too old to be throwing himself around an Iranian backyard. It probably would have been a decent role for Graves about fifteen years earlier into his career.

It is a fun (if approached in the right manner) if nonsensical film. The film does have a great funk soundtrack, though most of the time it rather jars with the action, sometimes drowning out the dialogue too. This adds to the "joy" of the film of course. The view of Iran just before the revolution is also fascinating and revealing.

Ten Little Indians (1974)

A lush Agatha Christie adaptation. A group of strangers are mysteriously assembled to a remote hotel in the Iranian desert by U.N. Owen (Orson Welles), the strangers who include Charles Aznavour (who of course gives us a song), Richard Attenborough, Herbert Lom, Adolfo Celi and Oliver Reed - all discover they have been bought together under false pretenses by U.N. Owen (or Unknown).

Then a tape is played where Owen's voice rings out, he tells them all they have gotten away with murder. Then the guests begin dying one by one. Who is the murderer? Is it one of the guests? Will any of them survive?

Although not the best version of this story, a bit slow at times, the sheer amount of star power and the surroundings especially the Persian architecture makes this film highly watchable and enjoyable. It is dark and suspenseful as such a situation should be.

Terror in the Crypt (1964)

An atmospheric Gothic horror film about a cursed family. The film, an Italian/Spanish co-production is also known as La Cripta e I'incubo.

Christopher Lee is a count whose daughter Laura (Adriana Ambesi) is having visions of strange deaths in the family. An investigator in the historical occult is bought in to research a legend. We learn that in the distant past the count's ancestor had a witch put to death and a curse was laid on the family... which now seems to be coming true.

So it has all the ingredients of a fine horror film: a creepy castle, men in pointy hoods, black magic et cetera. While it is an enjoyable film there are issues. The acting is often a bit indifferent (though the dubbing doesn't really help), the story is also rather unoriginal and sometimes a bit confusing.

Well never mind that, the atmosphere in this film is wonderful. It is also has it's fair share of Euro beauties with heaving bosoms.

Action Stations (1959)

Quite a bizarre little (indeed it is rather short) film where random action is soundtracked by what sounds like a hammond organ. The story involves the daughter of a top forger being on the run from the bad guys and helped by a couple of smugglers (including Paul Carpenter) with a heart of gold.

If the story sounds reasonable the execution is hilariously bad and very low budget. The dialogue seems to have been dubbed post-production, unfortunately at times it seems like the actors were given a different script to the dubbers. Then there is the sheer randomness of some of the scenes, including a strange man on a bicycle. A very odd and confusing film, unfortunately not in a good way. The organ music is good though.

Encounters in the Deep (1979)

The Bermuda Triangle where boats and people disappear without trace? Well that includes Miles' (Gabriele Ferzetti) daughter on a holiday. He funds Peters (Manuel Zarzo) and Scott (Andres Garcia) to mount an expedition to find just what is going on. Peters thinks it is extraterrestrials...

It sounds promising, unfortunately this Italian-Spanish co-production does not really go anywhere apart from aimlessly travelling around the sea and seeing underwater lights.

There is something strange going on but the motley crew on the boat seem pretty ill-equipped to handle it. A crew man is possessed and many strange things happen including a whole freighter vanishing, however only the ship's dog (who also seems the only one who can act in this film) seems to know what is going on. It is total nonsense of course, and lacks much in the way of coherence or suspense. The special effects are also laughable. I quite enjoyed it.

Kill (1971)

Quite simply the weirdest James Mason film I've ever seen. He plays an Interpol agent in this European co-production hunting down a rogue assassin who is killing heroin pushers. Well that sounds straight forward enough.

The thing is the film is rather eccentric, and suggests that copious amounts of recreational stimulants may have been involved in it's production...

The scenes in Pakistan especially involving Jean Seberg and Stephen Boyd score highly on the strange-o-meter. Especially as the latter wanders through Pakistani villages dressed head to toe in leather and no one bats an eyelid.

The film is odd and pretty surreal, and also very violent. Some of the action scenes are pretty good, especially the car-bike chase. But ultimately the film makes little sense and has rather a stereotyped view of life in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Definitely a film of it's time.

They Paid With Bullets: Chicago 1929 (1969)

This is a Spanish-Italian film on the 1920s gangster scene in Chicago, and quite possibly one of the oddest films I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot).

Country boy Frank (Guglielmo Spoletini) gets drawn into the gangster war taking place in Chicago by accident and joins the gang of slick (and quite mad) Erik (Peter Lee Lawrence) rising through the ranks and eventually challenging Erik for his gang and his gal.

It is all glorious madness, the story is quite flimsy and held together by very frequent gunfights with tommy guns (all very badly choreographed but undeniably exciting). The acting is curious, ranging between vague and terrible (not helped by the bad dubbing - the version I saw switched between English and German dubs a few times for some reason). The film is brilliant obviously.

Gangster moll Ingrid Schoeller steals the show with her mysterious cabaret routines, epic sexiness... and randomly playing around with a voodoo doll.

Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)

This film is very confusing, the title implies it is set in the year 3000 but somehow 1970s cars are still running - along with advanced bionic children. It is yet another European Mad Max inspired movie set in a post apocalypse wasteland i.e. Italian or Spanish countryside.

The plot is very heavily inspired by Mad Max 2, complete with a tanker chase across the desert. There are gangs of marauders and lots and lots of violence. The film is pretty low budget with little story sense, bizarre dialogue and a singular lack of anything you might consider acting.

However despite all of that it is strangely compelling and remarkably enjoyable perhaps because it is so strange. The action scenes are pretty decent with some very good stunts. There is also plenty of unintentional hilarity especially with some of the dialogue.

It's also the only film i can think of where a robot child is got drunk on beer while someone tries to fix his arm.