Showing posts with label 1980s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1980s. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Master Ninja I (1984)

The Master was a ninja themed TV series from 1984, two episodes were used to create this feature length film, two more episodes were used to create the imaginatively named Master Ninja II.

The Master McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is an American veteran who now possesses the mysterious skills of the Ninja. Along with his young friend Max (Timothy Van Platten) they aim to help out those in need. In the first episode... half of the film they help out the owner of a small airfield and his daughter (Demi Moore) against a scheming land developer and the local police who are in his pocket...

As this film is based on the first episodes of the series we do get some back story for McAllister and Max and also see Max begin his ninja training. The action is quite generic for 1980s US TV series, with the usual budget to match so doesn't amount to much. Lee Van Cleef was a little too old and creaking to play a convincing ninja but the film isn't without it's good bits. It is a fairly passable film though but you can see why the TV series did not last that long.

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

The Boys in Blue (1983)

The comedy duo star as a couple of police officers, it certainly is a crime scene.

Sgt. Cannon (Tommy Cannon) and PC Ball (Bobby Ball) are a couple of bumbling police officers who comprise "The Force" in a sleepy village. There is little crime in their village, and so the police big wigs (Eric Sykes and Jack Douglas) are looking to close down the station. Cannon and Ball decide they need some crime to justify their continued employment and so plot to steal the painting of a local businessman (Roy Kinnear). But real art thieves are hiding out in the village...

Now, i did enjoy the comedy of Cannon and Ball on TV but this big screen outing really is wretched stuff. Cannon and Ball's comedy simply did not work in this situation and it destroys the film, despite the excellent supporting cast which also includes Jon Pertwee and Arthur English. Even a whole host of solid film comedy veterans can't compensate for the failure of the stars and the rather average execution and storyline. It really is a shame.

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Mighty Jack (1986)

A TV movie made out of the first and last episodes of the Mighty Jack Japanese TV series from 1968. It isn't very coherent though is decent enough sci-fi action.

Mighty Jack is not a person but an organisation formed to combat a mysterious criminal organisation called Q. Atari is abducted by Q, Mighty Jack set off in their advanced submarine to rescue him before he will reveal the location of Mighty Jack's HQ under torture (and they succeed). Instead, Q launch an attack on Earth using hot ice which can't melt and to steal the Mighty Jack submarine...

Or something like that. At times it wasn't that clear what exactly was going on. The film is reasonable enough fun with plenty of Japanese model weapon action and furious running between perils though ultimately is a little dull overall. Hot ice must also be the worst super villain weapon ever.

Monday, February 5, 2024

Norman Gives a Speech (1989)

The fourth and final of the curious series of short films documenting the mishaps of Norman.


Norman (Douglas P Macintosh) is to give a speech at a business conference. What could go wrong? Well everything of course, ranging from a clumsy cleaning woman covering his notes with coffee, to Norman dropping all of his carefully arranged materials on the floor... to the fire alarm going off during his speech!

It is all quite odd and strangely awful / brilliant at the same time, as with the other Norman films. I have no idea why these little films existed but i am glad they did.

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

The Bunker (1981)

The last days of Hitler holed up in his bunker, an interesting way of portraying the events now incredibly well known due to the excellent 2004 movie Downfall.

The war is going badly, Hitler's (Anthony Hopkins) health is also not doing so well. With the Allied armies closing in on Berlin, the Nazi leadership retreats underground into the grim Fuhrerbunker. There, Hitler and his staff including Speer (Richard Jordan) and Goebbels (Cliff Gorman) await the inevitable as the explosions above gradually change from being caused by aerial bombers to artillery and tanks.

This is an excellent film, atmospheric and dark and based on the memoirs of the staff who survived. The most interesting stories are from some of the lesser known staff members in the bunker including the radio officer Misch (Michael Kitchen) and the engineer Hentschel (Martin Jarvis) who interestingly were both still alive when this film was made. 

The film might not have generated a million memes like Downfall (the Steiner rant is quite different here) but it very worth a watch.

Thursday, January 25, 2024

City Limits (1984)

A rather strange post-apocalypse tale involving young people on bikes battling a corporation.

A plague wipes out the vast majority of the world's adult population, now a few years later the almost grown up child survivors control the remains of the cities in violent motorbike gangs. 

In the countryside, Lee (John Stockwell) gets bored of being on the farm and heads into the city for adventure. He aims to join one of the gangs and soon proves his worth but a mysterious corporation fronted by Wicking (Kim Cattrall) is trying to take over the city and use the gangs for their own nefarious ends.

This is a rather low budget and fairly generic post-apocalypse tale, everyone is in cheap Mad Max cosplay gear and nothing really makes a lot of sense as the plot is largely missing. It isn't a dead loss though, it does have some interesting ideas including the importance of comic books in a new society that has grown up from children.

Thursday, January 18, 2024

Fugitive Alien (1986)

Japanese sci-fi battle nonsense, it is undeniably fun but...

A powerful alien race attack Earth with space ships and alien soldiers with big helmets (though the aliens look completely human which is handy budget wise). Alien soldier Ken (Tatsuya Azuma) baulks at killing a human child and his comrade is killed instead. 

Ken is condemned as a traitor by his people and ends up working with the humans to fight the aliens, and is hunted by the wife (Miyuki Tanigawa) of his former comrade...

Space soap opera froth for sure. This is a TV movie made out of a Japanese TV series and the limited budget really shows at times. However, as a bit of relentless space battle fun it can't be beat even if the plot is a bit basic. Just don't ask why the alien soldiers were bright wigs under their helmets in battle.

Thursday, January 11, 2024

Ator the Invincible (1983)

The second Ator movie, somehow even cheaper and shoddier than the first.

Ator (Miles O'Keefe) is living an easy life after his earlier exploits (which are recapped at length early in the film to pad it out), he is recruited by Mila (Lisa Foster) to help save her father (William Berger) from the evil Zor (David Brandon). The way to the castle of Zor is long (somewhat too long) and includes various battles against ridiculous creatures and monsters...

The first Ator film wasn't that great but it was much better than this nonsense. It is all a bit too cheap and lacks much of a plot, lots of swords and sorcery yes but what does it all mean at the end of the day apart from plenty of muscles and grunting?

Friday, January 5, 2024

Outlaw of Gor (1988)

Cabot returns to a mysterious world (called Gor) thanks to his magical ring and battles warriors and wizards with swords in a rather insipid fashion.

American academic Cabot (Urbano Barberini), along with his sex crazed and sleazy friend Watney (Russel Savadier), returns to Gor - a planet Cabot fought on in an earlier film. The Elder (Alex Heyns) fears that his wizard priest Xeno (Jack Palance) is up to no good. However, Cabot seems more interested in getting back with the Princess (Rebecca Ferratti)...

However, the Elder is wrong. It is the Queen (Donna Denton) who wants to usurp him. The Queen seduces Watney in order to frame Cabot for the murder of the Elder. Cabot flees into the desert with a bounty hunter after him...

This is all nonsense and a pretty low-rent sword and sorcery tale. Everything looks cheap and unfortunately is all rather half-hearted. It has plenty of camp but unfortunately not quite enough to get over everything else.

Friday, December 22, 2023

What Waits Below (1984)

A surprisingly good adventure deep underground.

Wolf (Robert Powell) is recruited by the US Army to help them establish a special radio transmitter deep underground in a system of caves. However, the transmitter mysteriously vanishes and Wolf leads a team of soldiers and scientists (including Anne Heywood and Timothy Bottoms) to find out what is going on. 

Deep underground things start to go pear shaped fast. They encounter a mysterious race of Lemurians deep in the cave system. The Lemurians have lived underground for millennia and have a special reason to want the transmitter...

This is a good mysterious world and underground adventure. There maybe arn't that many thrills but the creepy atmosphere and odd happenings deep below certainly give plenty of chills.

Friday, December 15, 2023

Afghanistan - The Last War Bus (1989)

Plenty of action but not a lot of coherent plot.

Hondo (Mark Gregory) is a mercenary who is sent on a top secret mission into Afghanistan to locate a lost American officer and a bus (yes!) 

However, this is a very special bus as there are top secret plans hidden aboard. Hondo is a one man army, making his way across the country wiping out half of the Russian Army. But to escape, Hondo and some other Americans he frees must fix up the bus...

This isn't a very good film though has plenty of action. Naturally the only person who seems to know how to shoot straight is Hondo who can even shoot down helicopters with a shot gun. Despite all of the blood shed, the film is often a bit dull and slow.

Thursday, December 7, 2023

Hands of Steel (1986)

Cyborg killer nonsense that somehow works.

It is the near future (well as far as the film was concerned, in fact it is 1997). The environment has collapsed and society isn't far behind. Moseley (Franco Fantasia) is the last hope for mankind but he is almost killed by a mysterious assailant, a hard bodied maniac called Paco (Daniel Greene) who is now on the run. It seems though that Paco is a cyborg sent by the evil Turner (John Saxon) but Paco failed to carry out his mission due to his latent humanity breaking out. Turner now sends his minions to dispose of Paco...

Paco is hiding out at a remote bar run by Linda (Janet Agren) where he spends his time defeating various trucker hoodlums at arm wrestling...

This film is rather low budget, this means a lot of dreary storyline with little happening is used to pad the film out, however when we do finally get to the final battle action set piece it is pretty spectacular and well worth waiting for. A great film overall, though doesn't make a lot of sense.

Monday, November 27, 2023

Battle for the Lost Planet (1986)

A zero-budget sci-fi mish-mash of a number of different films... and it somehow works, despite being very very weird.

Harry Trent (Matt Mitler) is a thief on the run, and decides to steal a space shuttle to escape some security guards. Once in space, he finds the shuttle is damaged and can't return to Earth for five years, which is handy as an alien fleet has just arrived to conquer Earth!

Finally back home, Harry finds the world is now like the one in Mad Max, only with grass and trees. After a fight with inept barbarians in ragged clothes, he meets up with Dana (Denise Coward) and discovers that a secret tape he has (indeed, the reason he was on the run in the first place was because he stole it) contains the secret which will allow scientists to develop a weapon to defeat the aliens. To get the tape to the Professor (Bill MacGlaughlin), Harry and Dana must cross the bad lands (which look quite nice really), battle a warlord called Mad Dog (Joe Gentissi) and fight lots of pig faced aliens...

This is a very strange film that rips off a number of different science fiction films but has plenty of ambition despite the laughably poor sfx. It also has plenty of cheese and weirdness, such as showing how Harry - trapped in space - resorts to drawing a woman's face on a pillow and then humping it! I don't know how they managed it but this film is great!

Monday, November 20, 2023

Hot Money (1986)

A rather strange comedy drama, the strangeness isn't quite enough to keep interest when things drag.

Tom (Michael Murphy) is released from prison, though he doesn't go straight. He becomes a deputy in a small town and ends up stealing a million bucks from an old lady! While the latin quoting sheriff (Orson Welles) has little idea what is going on, a couple of walking stereotype IRS men (the WWF wrestler IRS made for a more realistic tax man) turn up to investigate why an old lady had so much cash.

Tom makes plans with his girlfriend Jeanette (Ann Lange) to spend the loot in a suitably tropical location but he starts to have second thoughts about throwing the small town into so much turmoil...

This isn't a bad film with plenty of humour, much of it surreal. At times the film is a bit static and maybe a bit too laid back. You also will probably end up feeling sorry for what Welles was reduced to in his final years.

Friday, October 20, 2023

The Instructor (1981)

The unexpectedly competitive world of small town Ohio karate schools.

The Instructor (Bob Chaney) owns a karate school and is training with Thumper (Don Bendell), after encountering and beating up some local punks (who all look north of forty), they then encounter a wannabe ninja who has a somewhat unhealthy interest in fighting children...

The Instructor's rival is Bud Hart (Bob Saal), who of course tries to get the mob to smash up The Instructor's place though the thugs are thwarted by Dee (Lynday Schnarott). Later on Thumper is found near death, The Instructor assumes it is Hart (it is actually the paedo-ninja) and heads off for a final showdown (well after a lengthy car chase)...

This is quite an awful film, low budget, incoherent and rough. It is also hilarious and highly watchable and enjoyable. Great films can be technically poor but tremendous fun and this is one like that.

Wednesday, October 11, 2023

Escape from El Diablo (1983)

A terrible film really though a useful guide at what not to do when you visit a rough bar next to a brutal Mexican prison.

A group of young Americans, tired of getting into fights they somehow win in California, instead decide to head over the border to a notorious bar. Daniel (Jimmy McNichol) and Pauli (Timothy Van Patten) arrive in town, already heading into trouble, given dire warnings by the sinister looking Patrick Mower and a fight with a prison guard. 

Despite this the two lads are happy to stay, ending up in a brawl after stealing Mower's (who turns out to be a senior guard at the prison) girlfriend. Naturally Pauli ends up stuck in prison, Daniel hunted by the guards (though at the same time as Mower is trying to extort money from him which obviously makes sense)...

Yes the film makes no sense what so ever. The sheer stupidity of the mains makes it hard to care about them. They are the kind of idiots who would fire guns at a nuclear reactor for the laughs. The early 1980s cheese factor may entertain you some what but the film can't really be recommended.

Tuesday, October 3, 2023

Speed Zone (1989)

An unofficial third Cannonball Run film, and it is all pretty awful.

The notorious Cannonball Race across America is due to be held again, though the tough (and chihuahua holding) Police Chief (Peter Boyle) is determined to stop it and arrests half of the drivers. The race goes ahead with a new crop of stereotypes... i mean drivers. The driving antics continue across America with the police in hot pursuit, and nothing you haven't seen before with a much better cast.

This isn't that good a film, its watchable and enjoyable enough but your attention will soon waver after about the 6th smashed up police car. 

The main cast is a little unknown compared to the real Cannonball Run films apart from John Candy though the film does have some great cameos including Lee Van Cleef (in one of his last films) and Brooke Shields. James Farr as The Sheik is really the only character from the earlier/real films in the series.

Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Riding the Edge (1989)

A bit cheesy, it is the 1980s after all, but also a pretty good film.

John Harman (Lyman Ward) is working on a top secret solar energy project in the Sahara. His facility is raided by terrorists who want the revolutionary chip that will change the world. The terrorists want the chips in return for John's safety. They also want his son Matt (Raphael Sbarge) to deliver the chips to them. So begins Matt's adventure who quickly wants to go his own way as he doesn't trust the authorities. He gets help from Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart) - who just happens to be travelling the desert in a white jeep...

This is a great film underpinned by a straight forward plot and drips with 1980s cheese. The only drawback of the film is the character of Matt who can be unbelievably naive at times, he seems genuinely shocked when Maggie turns out to be a US agent and not a young white woman taking a joy ride across Libya. However, he does have the good luck to find people who speak excellent English no matter how remote he gets in the desert! 

It is a fun film with some good action scenes, recommended.

Thursday, September 7, 2023

Buy and Cell (1988)

Our 1,500th review!

A zany, maybe sometimes a little too weird, comedy set in the world of high finance and other crime.

Herbie (Robert Carradine) is set up to be the fall guy by his boss. Now in prison for fraud, he finds himself sharing a cell with the somewhat deranged Sly (Michael Winslow) and threatened by the various prison hard men including Cowboy (Roddy Piper). He is also abused by the Warden (Malcolm McDowell) who wants to use Herbie's skills to make himself rich...

Herbie's only way out is to use his skills in high finance and make the convicts rich. He also has a plan to bring down the Warden and his crooked former bosses...

This is a rather crazy film, the prison filled full of bizarre characters, sometimes a bit predictable. It is an enjoyable film with plenty of high points though at times it does veer over the thin line between zany into annoying. Michael Winslow reprises his sound effect gimmick from Police Academy though this treasure could have been made a lot more of.

Friday, September 1, 2023

1984 (1984)

A superb adaptation of the George Orwell classic tale.

It is 1984 and the world is now a dark dystopia of authoritarian rule by Big Brother, who uses disinformation and lies to control the population (with brutal security forces as well if all else fails). Winston Smith (John Hurt) is a low-level party operative whose job is to literally rewrite history to present the reality Big Brother wants, and to be happily consumed by the brain washed population. Smith however, is not a true believer and writes subversive thoughts in his diary.

He meets and falls in love with Julia (Suzanna Hamilton), another party operative who also wants something more than Big Brother will allow. They begin a secret (and illegal) love affair. Winston is contacted by a higher up party official (Richard Burton) who appears to be part of an underground movement. However, once again all is not what it seems and the secret double life of Smith and Julia soon comes crashing down...

The world building here is top notch, the world of Big Brother is dark and terrifying (especially the torture scenes) and also a warning to us all. A very good film. This was Richard Burton's final film before his death.