Savage Beach (1989)

A sometimes cheesy but highly enjoyable tits and guns romp on a Pacific island paradise.

Two DEA agents, Donna (Dona Spier) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) - who apparently have to always wear skimpy outfits - are marooned on a remote Pacific island after technical failure of their aircraft. They are alone on the aircraft... apart from a Japanese soldier (Michael Mikasa) who was left behind to guard stolen gold from the Philippines.

By coincidence the US Navy and a gang of thugs are also after the gold and land on the island after discovering where the gold is using some funky 1980s computers. Lets see who gets the gold in an extended action set piece...

Not high art for sure but an enjoyable film. The actresses in the film were former Playboy models, and on the whole they do a decent enough of acting, as well as showing plenty of cleavage. Very over the top, frequently ridiculous and not to be taken seriously. Great fun!

Fight to Win (1987)

Martial artists fight over ancient Chinese statues.

Sensei (Hidy Ochiai) has in his possession two of three ancient and valuable Chinese statues. Rival martial arts school boss Armstrong (Richard Norton) has another and challenges Sensei (who is suffering from ill health) to pit his champion against Armstrong's, the winner gets the statue. 

Sensei chooses Ryan (George Chung), who unfortunately gets badly beaten. With the re-match upcoming, Sensei brings in one of his old pupils Lauren (Cynthia Rothrock) to teach Ryan...

Well the plot isn't anything special but this is a perfectly decent late 1980s martial arts film which doesn't take itself too seriously. Chung and Rothrock have good interplay and the fight scenes hold up very well.

Scorpion (1986)

A rather static action drama, enlivened by some occasionally decent fight scenes.

The Scorpion, Steve Woods (Tonny Tulleners) is an elite agent who helps stop a bunch of hijackers on a plane single handedly. He is later tasked with protecting a terrorist-turned-informer from harm, and there are many out to do him harm. Then The Scorpion's childhood friend is killed in one of the fights, now it's personal...

Who was Tonny Tullenders? Well he was a martial arts fighter who once beat Chuck Norris in a contest, apparently this got him this film role despite the fact as an actor he is completely wooden. But he is a good fighter. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not appear in this film.

The fight scenes on the whole arn't much better though that may be down more to the direction than anything else. Its all rather generic and unfortunately a bit dull.

Blood Street (1988)

Terrific straight-to-video nonsense.

Joe Wong (Leo Fong) is a private investigator hired by the wife (Kym Paige) of a hoodlum MacDonald (Stan Wertlieb) to find her missing husband. 

Joe soon finds himself drawn into a complicated, and somewhat bewildering, gang war between MacDonald and rival gang leader Boyd (Richard Norton). Joe having to use his martial arts skills to protect himself from the gangsters and crooked cops...

The film does not make a lot of sense (or any sense at times) but it is great fun. The martial arts and other action scenes are high impact and well done, the story line (such that it is) does not get in the way of the action scenes, the next of which is never far away. It is low budget, sleazy, incomprehensible and cheap.

And it is brilliant.

Battletruck (1982)

In the post-apocalypse landscape, with oil a scarcity worth killing over, its time to drive around in a huge gas guzzling lorry.

With governments and societies either collapsed or on the brink, the wastelands are full of gangs fighting each other in bad customised vehicles. Straker (James Wainwright) is a warlord who drives around in an armoured lorry, his daughter Corlie (Annie McEnroe) escapes his camp though and meets up with lone biker Hunter (Michael Beck). Straker is soon out to storm the compound there Corlie is hiding out...

Yet another Mad Max clone, and this one is filmed in New Zealand so the similar accents add to the Mad Max feel. The film is pretty silly of course, it doesn't make much sense and is very violent but it pretty entertaining at times.

Black Cobra (1987)

Violent nonsense as the loner cop fights a violent motorbike gang in a 1980s post-industrial wasteland. So, pretty original then.

A brutal gang led by Bruno Bilotta is killing and raping people at random. They next attack photographer Elys (Eva Grimaldi) whom the gang think has taken photographs of them. The police call upon maverick cop Malone (Fred Williamson) to protect Elys from the thugs who are out to kill her no matter the cost...

This is a pretty generic late 1980s low budget violent film, the sort of film that used to fill video rental shop shelves by the dozens. It isn't that bad a film really, but you will have seen it all before and usually a lot better. 

It is what it is, plenty of violence and late 1980s post-industrial grime.

Los Angeles Streetfighter (1985)

If you like low budget and trashy martial arts film which make little sense, you are in for a good time.

Tony (Phillip Rhee) is a new boy at school (even though he looks about 30). He falls foul of the local thug Chan (James Lew), and also begins dating Chan's sister (Rosanna King) which doesn't go down very well. Tony befriends a rival gang leader Young (Jun Chong). Soon, Tony needs to help Young out when he gets into trouble witha drug dealer.

This is a rather shoddy film, so shoddy indeed that the film's title is spelt incorrectly in the opening credits! Much of the action takes place at night in the dark and it is hard to see what is going on. However, what is going on is mostly fighting! The fight scenes arn't that bad, though can be a bit monotonous after a while. Not great, but certainly fun.

Return of the Jedi (1983)

The third Star Wars film, a great ending to the saga but also when things started to go wrong.

The Rebel alliance was reeling after the last instalment in the saga, the Empire driving them to the outer reaches, Han Solo (Harrison Ford) frozen and given to Jabba the Hutt and Luke (Mark Hamill) discovering the horror that Darth Vader (David Prowse/David Earl Jones) was his father. 

But the Rebels are fighting back, Luke and Leia (Carrie Fisher) rescue Han and then link up with the regrouped Rebel fleet which is about to attack the second Death Star, the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid) himself is on board...

This is an all-action ending to the original trilogy of the film, which ties up most of the trilogy's plot threads nicely. However, it is also where the Star Wars franchise started to go wrong. The inclusion of the Ewoks can be a bit jarring, only the fact the rest of the story is taking place at the same time can make the Ewoks story tolerable. The big reveal that Luke and Leia were twin siblings does make their snog in the previous film interesting...

It is of course brilliant (though not quite as brilliant as the previous two films), and the perfect end to the saga. It is a shame they had to change that a few decades later.

Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)

Ninja nonsense in the jungle.

A group of American tourists are kidnapped on a tour of the Philippines by a band of terrorists led by a crazed nazi (Blackie Dammett) and his lieutenant who is apparently called Honey Hump (Regina Richardson)! 

The terrorists want the release of a brutal madman, the US government sent three of their special agents who have martial art skills including Spike (Sho Kosugi) who was kicked out of ninja school but wants to prove himself.

This is a very silly film but once you treat it as a comedy spoof it makes a lot more sense. The plot though makes very little sense and is filled with bizarre scenes and tangents. The actual fighting, especially the ninja scenes, are nothing special but competently done. A curiously odd film, not brilliant but certainly memorable.

Killpoint (1984)

Lots of violence though not a lot of plot, but this isn't that unusual for a low-budget 1980s action movie.

Nighthawk (Stack Pierce) under the orders of the somewhat deranged Marx (Cameron Mitchell) steals a lot of firepower from the state National Guard armoury. These guns are then sold to local gangs who go on bloody murder sprees and robberies. 

Federal agent Bryant (Richard Rountree) is tasked with bringing the gun runner to justice (though considering the body count there doesn't seem a great deal of urgency from the authorities). He is helped by Detective Long (Leo Fong) who is still mourning the rape and murder of his wife. Crimes which the gun runners and the gangs were involved with...

There isn't a lot of plot, what plot the film has is mostly there as a flimsy skeleton to hang the frequent violent action set-pieces off. Oh and there is a lot of violence in this film, guns and martial arts and murder. The film is rather shoddily made and hard to follow at times but for what it is, its fine, even pretty good. Just not very subtle.

Eye of the Evil Dead (1982)

A young girl is possessed by an evil ancient Egyptian spirit while on holiday, well that is certainly a holiday souvenir you don't want.

Susie (Brigitta Bocolli) is on holiday with her archaeologist father Professor Hacker (Christopher Connelly) in Egypt. Susie encounters a mysterious old woman who gives her an amulet. Once the family return to New York, anyone around Susie is in danger as she now possesses evil diabolical powers. Hacker, who has been blinded by energy blasts while opening a tomb, enlists the help of Adrian (Cosimo Cinieri) who is, er... an antique dealer, to save Susie and stop the terror...

This isn't a great film and does not make a lot of sense. It has plenty of mystical ancient Egyptian magic and evil though which is always entertaining. The film could have been pretty decent if the plot had been heavily edited.

Aenigma (1987)

A rather disturbing horror, though the victims tend to be pretty loathsome.

Kathy (Mijlijana Zirojevic), a nerdy outcast at an elitist school, is badly injured when a prank by school bullies goes wrong. Eva (Lara Lamberti) turns up at the school soon after and befriends the pupils who bullied Kathy. 

It turns out though that Eva is being controlled by Kathy who has somehow gained diabolical psychic powers while in a coma. Kathy begins her revenge on the bullies using Eva, in various terrible ways (including being smothered by snails)...

Taking place in a boarding school full of attractive young women, this film does have somewhat of an exploitative feel along with the brutal horror. The horror and camerawork is often very inventive. It could be utterly awful but somehow holds it together enough to be worthwhile.

Disaster at Silo 7 (1988)

An accident at a nuclear missile silo poses a real risk of the missile exploding, with a rather large nuclear warhead on top.

The accident occurs during refuelling of a Titan II missile causing a fuel spill. Team leader Sergeant Fitzgerald (Michael O'Keefe) is called in and immediately realises the risk of the fuel igniting and blowing the while thing up. He tells his wife (Patricia Charbonneau) to get out of town fast with his family, then heads back into the silo...

This is an enjoyable TV movie, it does fall back on TV movie tropes a bit but the action is solid, if stretches the budget a bit thinly at times. The film is based on a real incident that occurred in 1980, and it pretty accurate too so don't read up on the Damascus Titan explosion before you have seen this movie unless you don't mind spoilers!

Deadly Games (1982)

A rather creepy psychological thriller though let down by a strange ending.

After a young woman is killed by a masked assailant, her sister Keegan (Jo Ann Harris) comes to town and find out what is going on, but she also gets attacked by the masked man. 

Keegan dates the local police detective (Sam Groom) but he also is friends with a very strange man (Steve Railsback) who works at the theatre...

When there is action it is fine but unfortunately there is an industrial helping of filler between these scenes. The film is also rather confusing at times with some of Keegan's actions hard to understand and frequently annoying. The identity of the killer is also pretty obvious early on robbing the film of a lot of suspense. 

Demon of Paradise (1987)

A cheap and rather cheesy monster movie, maybe a couple of decades too late.

Fisherman off the coast of Hawaii illegally use dynamite to assist them, this of course awakens an ancient sea monster who now is running amok and killing people, especially young women in bikinis of course. 

Sheriff Keefer (William Steis) and Annie (Kathryn Witt) team up to stop the monster, though local resort owner Angela (Laura Banks) thinks it is an excellent tourist draw!

A low budget horror, the monster is the usual man in a rubber suit (though doesn't look too bad). The story is a bit slow moving and meanders too much. The film would probably work better if it was made a couple of decades earlier and had a surf rock and roll soundtrack!

High Desert Kill (1989)

Something mysterious is lurking in the woods, luckily for the low budget it is invisible.

Three friends, Brad (Marc Singer), Jim (Anthony Geary) and Ray (Micah Grant) head into the woods for their annual hunting trip. 

However, they find the woods are bereft of any game. Two female campers they encounter mysteriously vanish, and then they start to behave strangely. Its almost as if some weird alien intelligence was conducting psychological experiments on them!

Not a good film though frequently unintentionally hilarious. The acting is rather basic and the story strange at times, though ultimately pretty interesting. You could not call this TV movie "good", it is still worth watching.

Xtro (1982)

A grisly and incredibly bloody 1980s video nasty, this certainly is science-fiction horror.

Several years ago Sam (Philip Sayers) was abducted by aliens to the horror of his little son Tony (Simon Nash). Now... something has returned to Earth. A horrific looking alien that kills an innocent couple, rapes and impregnates a woman, who then dies giving birth to... Sam!

Sam returns to his family, which is a bit awkward as his wife Rachel (Bernice Stegers) has moved on, though Tony is delighted. But is Sam quite the same as before, and how is he affecting Tony (for the worse...)

After an incredibly gory start, the film does bog down a bit in the middle act as it turns into a bit of a domestic drama (with added menace). A low budget is used well, some of the scenes look amazing. It doesn't really make a lot of sense but with a film like this it probably doesn't matter too much.

Biggles (1986)

The iconic World War 1 flying ace Biggles stories would seem to be perfect for a translation to the big screen, unfortunately this wasn't it.

New York advertising executive Jim (Alex Hyde-Wright) is working on a dreary advertising campaign when he is suddenly zapped through time and witnesses a plane crash, an old biplane. Later, he is visited by the mysterious Air Commodore Raymond (Peter Cushing) who tells Jim that he is linked to an aviator from the First World War, James Bigglesworth aka Biggles (Neil Dickson)!

Soon, Jim and Biggles are zapping to and fro each other's times. Biggles encounters the oddness of 1980s London, and Jim the trenches and aerial combat (so it seems Biggles got the better deal). Soon, they must work together to defeat a powerful German secret weapon which could win the war and change history...

If you have read a Biggles story you will wonder why they had to do the story this way, and turn it into a fairly generic time travel story. It isn't that bad a film, indeed the action sequences are often pretty good, but you can't help but feel a bit disappointed.

Star Crystal (1986)

A very low budget science-fiction horror, it lacks much in the way of originality as well though isn't too bad a film.

Astronauts on Mars discover a strange object, when the object is bought back to the space station the astronauts are found dead and soon the space station as well is thrown into peril with mysterious technical faults. A murderous alien monster has hatched from the object found on Mars and is now running amok. What can stop the monster and save the human survivors, well you won't believe quite how that is achieved.

This is kind of awful is we are to be honest, the budget is tiny and the effects pretty terrible (the eagle eyed will see parts of a Millennium Falcon toy turn up on one model!) 

So, is this just yet another terrible Alien rip-off? Well yes but the ineptitude and cheese make it quite compelling. The abrupt change in tone and direction at the end is rather amazing.

The Dirty Dozen: The Fatal Mission (1988)

The last of a series of Dirty Dozen sequels, by now everything was wearing a bit too thin.

It is 1943 and secretly the Nazis believe the war can't be won, thus twelve young Nazi hot shots are going to be sent to the Middle East to lay the foundations for the Fourth Reich. Major Wright (Telly Savalas) recruits another bunch of condemned and hopeless convicts for another suicide mission to go deep into Nazi held eastern Europe and kill the Nazis before they can reach Istanbul.

To make things more complicated, one of the Major's Dirty Dozen is a Nazi spy and is intent on sabotaging the mission. The Major thus changes his plan on the fly though this could mean his men become targets of the RAF!

A rather by-the-numbers TV movie, it has the usual tired tropes of crack SS stormtroopers not being able to shoot straight plus the premise doesn't really make a lot of sense. It is fine enough to watch if you just want some wartime action and not worry too much about quite why!