The Trouble with Spies (1987)

A spy farce, the humour is a bit heavy handed at times but it is worth sticking with.

Hapless British agent Porter (Donald Sutherland) is sent to Ibiza to find out where another agent, who was investigating Soviet links to the narcotics trade, has vanished to. 

As soon as Porter arrives in Spain the assassination attempts begin, luckily the Soviets are as useless as Porter! Who is the enemy agent at the hotel managed by Mona (Lucy Gutteridge)? There are plenty of contenders but maybe it is someone quite surprising?

An enjoyable comedy full of good slapstick farce. How much you enjoy this film will depend on your tolerance for things getting too silly, I was tested at times but stayed with it, and was glad i did.

The Hostage Tower (1980)

A daring, if somewhat ridiculous, plot to hold the Eiffel Tower hostage!

Master criminal Mr Smith (Keir Dullea) has an audacious new crime planned, he will take the Eiffel Tower hostage! He recruits a number of top criminals to help him, unfortunately for him though two are agents from Philpott's (Douglas Fairbanks Jr) special crime fighting unit. These are Clarence (Billy Dee Williams) and Sabrina (Maud Carver), though Sabrina is shocked that Mike (Peter Fonda) has also been recruited and he was her instructor in the CIA...

The plot goes off, and an added complication is that Mr Smith has got hold of some deadly laser weapons, and the mother of the US President (Celia Johnson) is also a hostage...

A solid action TV movie (though the premise itself is a little ridiculous). The scenes on the Eiffel Tower are very well filmed, and the laser cannons are pretty cool. Well, lasers are always cool.

Matt Houston (1982)

The feature length pilot for walking stereotype Matt Houston, the rich Texan oil executive who is also a private investigator!

A business man is killed during the launch of an ocean liner, when the champagne bottle explodes! Matt Houston (Lee Horsley) begins to investigate the case, and of course there are many suspects including the daughter Serena (Barbara Carrera) and the mistress Karen Ann (Jill St John). As well as a case which frequently puts him in danger, Matt is also training on a bucking bronco so he can win a bet and tame a wild horse! Matt is assisted by CJ (Pamela Hensley) and his police friend Vince (John Aprea).

This is all very odd stuff which probably only made sense in the early 1980s. Matt is very genial though and charismatic, this helps with the watchability even if the story and premise is a bit strange. A mixture of cowboy and secret agent. It shouldn't really work but somehow did. After this pilot Matt Houston ran for three seasons.

Night of the Comet (1984)

A global cataclysm wipes out nearly all life on Earth overnight, two of the survivors decide to party!

The visit of a comet causes a global disaster which turns nearly everyone into dust. Only a few people who were protected by being inside steel structures have survived, this includes two teenage sisters Regina (Catharine Mary Stewart) and Sam (Kelli Maroney). Finding themselves in a world now empty, they go to the obvious place: the radio station which still seems to be broadcasting. Unfortunately, they find the radio DJ is dead too and has been playing tapes. 

However, they do find another survivor Hector (Robert Beltran), just after one of the other characters made a jokey Star Trel reference too, if only they knew.

The three battle half-dead zombies and a few other freaks, but they really need to worry about a group of sinister scientists who want the survivors so they can drain their blood...

It is all a bit silly maybe, but this is hugely enjoyable and a lot of fun. The film is crammed full of cool early 1980s pop culture. The story is ridiculous and full of plot holes but who cares, that really isn't the point.

The Forgotten Warrior (1986)

A basic but entertaining Rambo-esque action drama.

During the late Vietnam War, Parrish (Ronald Marchini) is badly wounded whilst escaping the Viet Cong. He is nursed back to health by some villagers and decides to stay and start a family there. He helps the villagers learn martial arts to protect themselves from the VC led by Colonel Minh (Sam Lapuz). However, danger is never far away especially after the corrupt Major Thompson (Quincy Frazer) arrives back in Vietnam...

The plot is fairly thin, just enough to hang many fight scenes off. The action is ridiculous, the good guys don't need to aim much to wipe out the bad guys. The many battles in the jungles of the Philippines... sorry Vietnam have a high bodycount but some pretty decent one-on-one battles too. The film isn't very sophisticated but if you want plenty of aimless gun and martial arts violence then this film does the job.

Creature (1985)

A low budget but fun Alien rip-off.

A survey mission to Titan ends in disaster after something has wiped out the crew. Two new missions from rival countries head out to find out what has gone wrong. The US mission led by Davison (Stan Ivar) soon runs into trouble when it gets stuck on the surface. 

They head over to the German ship which has already arrived but finds that the crew is dead apart from it's commander (Klaus Kinski). He tells them that they found ancient alien infrastructure, and now a dangerous alien is running amok...

So, the plot will be pretty familiar and predictable and the effects are mostly cheap (though the alien itself is pretty excellent). This is an enjoyable sci-fi romp that has enough nonsense, twists and gore (and no shortage of cheese) to keep you entertained.

The Taking of Flight 847: The Uli Derickson Story (1988)

A tense TV movie about a real-life hijacking that took place just a couple of years before.

Chief flight attendant Uli (Lindsay Wagner) thinks her next flight will be a run-of-the-mill run from Athens. However, soon into the flight two Hezbollah terrorists hijack the flight. Castro (Eli Danker) threatens to blow up the plane unless the crew do as they say. 

The plane is soon travelling backwards and forwards between Beirut and Algiers, Uli and the rest of the crew are trying to keep their passengers safe, especially their Jewish ones and US servicemen, while the terrorists demand the release of prisoners...

An excellent film, the low budget helping to keep everything low-key and very believable. The terrorists are brutal, violent but also humanised to build out the characters and not making them 2-D cardboard cut-outs as so often happens with characters like this on screen.

Shadow Ninja (1980)

Despite the title there is no ninja action here, or even much in the way of shadows. There is some dubious humour though and some pretty good kung fu.

An experienced police detective (Roy Chiao), who has a gambling addict wife, is forced to work both sides of the law. He is teamed up with an eager young policeman (Wei Tung) and after some early awkwardness they begin to work well together. Everything is set up for a showdown with a serial killing swordsman (Shi Kwan-Yen)...

The film has plenty of goofy humour, though much of it is lost in translation especially with a badly dubbed film. Suddenly however, the tone changes abruptly with the search for the swordsman and much brutal violence and death. The fights are actually pretty good and innovative though the plot is a bit obvious.

Blind Warrior (1987)

Completely over the top magical martial arts action, extraordinary and fantastic.

In the days of ancient Indonesia, the brutal warlord Baden Parna (Advent Bangun) is terrorising local villages, enslaving the men to toil in his gold mine and taking the women to his bed. 

Only one man can stop the evil warlord... a wandering blind warrior called Barda (Ratno Timoer)! He has supernatural fighting skills and brings the fight back to Parna...

This is a crazy film, violent yet frequently ridiculous martial arts mixed with a lot of mysticism and magic. The plot is basic, and often doesn't make a lot of sense. But this is a glorious watch and a huge amount of fun, and exotic sleaze.

The Weapons of Death (1981)

A rather grubby and violent martial arts film. Its not that bad but what exactly is going on?

A group of thugs including Ralph Castellanos and Louis Bailey are recruited by one of the Triads to kidnap a young woman for ransom (quite why is unknown because they seem to have enough manpower of their own). The woman's half-brother Eric Lee comes to the rescue (luckily he runs a martial arts school so has good fighting skills!) He is joined by the woman's estranged father who also seems to get in fights a lot.

It is all a bit of a car crash, which makes little sense. The fighting is entertaining enough in lieu of much direction and some rather mediocre performances. Random fights and scenes add to the confusion. Its very watchable, the fights are on the whole pretty decent, but what it all means... well?

Follow That Car (1980)

A failed TV pilot but still an enjoyable romp.

Loretta (Tanya Tucker) and Sue Lynn (Terri Nunn) are two pretty car mechanics who spend a lot of their time fixing the car of moonshine runner Dusty (Dirk Benedict), who indulges in high speed chases with the police, sometimes involving driving through fire (won't do the paintwork much good). Caught out by the FBI, they are forced to become under cover agents to defeat the crime boss lady Stark (Sally Kirkland)... 

This was one of a number of films in the late 1970s in a sub-genre sometimes called hicksploitation. They were set in the deep south of the USA, usually involving beautiful girls, fast and loud cars and a county music soundtrack! The film is light, packed full of action though no one really gets that badly hurt amid all the car crashes ands mayhem.

It is fine for what it is but the story is a bit too generic and light. Its not hard to see why it never made it beyond a pilot, but perfectly watchable.

Deadline Auto Theft (1983)

A bit of a mess of a film, although good fun to watch as long as you don't think about it too much.

A gang of criminals led by Maindrian Pace (HB Halicki) is stealing valuable cars. After the gang steal the car of police captain Gibbs' (Hoyt Axton) fiancé, Gibbs is out to get the gang. Meanwhile, Pace has been contracted by a drug lord to steal dozens of cars for him...

This film frequently doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is actually an older film (1974's Gone in 60 Seconds) which has been edited quite heavily and has a whole new opening scene (quite a good action set piece as well although cars are crashed for no apparently logical reason apart from it looks cool). The jarring fashions of the two sources of this film are quite noticeable at times, it is all a lot of nonsense really but fun to watch.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

The second film in the original Star Wars trilogy, many regard this the best film of the lot, and it quite possibly is.

After the loss of the Death Star battle station to the rebels in the first film, the Empire's forces led by Darth Vader (David Prowse / James Earl Jones) are fighting back and are hot on the rebels' trail. After a close call on the ice planet Hoth, the rebels manage to escape but Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) breaks off to meet with the legendary Yoda to begin his Jedi training. 

On the planet Bespin, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and our other heroes are captured by Vader. Luke comes to the rescue but discovers a horrific fact about his past...

A darker film than Star Wars with new layers added to the main returning characters, greatly adding to the richness of the leads established in the first film. All the joy and wonder of Star Wars is enhanced by thoughtful additions to the universe, these additions all makes sense (something later sequels often forgot). A fantastic film. The best Star Wars film? Maybe, it is certainly in the top two.

Malibu Express (1985)

A private detective who drives a Delorean and is accompanied by a country music soundtrack, well that is certainly different, but is it any good?

Private detective Cody (Darby Hilton) is tasked to discover who is helping the Russians steal advanced computer technology from a Silicon Valley firm. He does this by infiltrating the home of Lady Chamberlain (Niki Dantine) who has filled her home with oddballs and stereotypes. A complicated and rather meandering plot ensues...

Unfortunately, the plot is a bit incomprehensible at times as more focus is shown on muscular torsos and cleavage in bikinis than explaining what is going on. However, the film is light hearted and doesn't take itself seriously at all and an amiable watch though ultimately inessential. The 1980s technology shown throughout does add a great nostalgic air to proceedings.

Savage Beach (1989)

A sometimes cheesy but highly enjoyable tits and guns romp on a Pacific island paradise.

Two DEA agents, Donna (Dona Spier) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) - who apparently have to always wear skimpy outfits - are marooned on a remote Pacific island after technical failure of their aircraft. They are alone on the aircraft... apart from a Japanese soldier (Michael Mikasa) who was left behind to guard stolen gold from the Philippines.

By coincidence the US Navy and a gang of thugs are also after the gold and land on the island after discovering where the gold is using some funky 1980s computers. Lets see who gets the gold in an extended action set piece...

Not high art for sure but an enjoyable film. The actresses in the film were former Playboy models, and on the whole they do a decent enough of acting, as well as showing plenty of cleavage. Very over the top, frequently ridiculous and not to be taken seriously. Great fun!

Fight to Win (1987)

Martial artists fight over ancient Chinese statues.

Sensei (Hidy Ochiai) has in his possession two of three ancient and valuable Chinese statues. Rival martial arts school boss Armstrong (Richard Norton) has another and challenges Sensei (who is suffering from ill health) to pit his champion against Armstrong's, the winner gets the statue. 

Sensei chooses Ryan (George Chung), who unfortunately gets badly beaten. With the re-match upcoming, Sensei brings in one of his old pupils Lauren (Cynthia Rothrock) to teach Ryan...

Well the plot isn't anything special but this is a perfectly decent late 1980s martial arts film which doesn't take itself too seriously. Chung and Rothrock have good interplay and the fight scenes hold up very well.

Scorpion (1986)

A rather static action drama, enlivened by some occasionally decent fight scenes.

The Scorpion, Steve Woods (Tonny Tulleners) is an elite agent who helps stop a bunch of hijackers on a plane single handedly. He is later tasked with protecting a terrorist-turned-informer from harm, and there are many out to do him harm. Then The Scorpion's childhood friend is killed in one of the fights, now it's personal...

Who was Tonny Tullenders? Well he was a martial arts fighter who once beat Chuck Norris in a contest, apparently this got him this film role despite the fact as an actor he is completely wooden. But he is a good fighter. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not appear in this film.

The fight scenes on the whole arn't much better though that may be down more to the direction than anything else. Its all rather generic and unfortunately a bit dull.

Blood Street (1988)

Terrific straight-to-video nonsense.

Joe Wong (Leo Fong) is a private investigator hired by the wife (Kym Paige) of a hoodlum MacDonald (Stan Wertlieb) to find her missing husband. 

Joe soon finds himself drawn into a complicated, and somewhat bewildering, gang war between MacDonald and rival gang leader Boyd (Richard Norton). Joe having to use his martial arts skills to protect himself from the gangsters and crooked cops...

The film does not make a lot of sense (or any sense at times) but it is great fun. The martial arts and other action scenes are high impact and well done, the story line (such that it is) does not get in the way of the action scenes, the next of which is never far away. It is low budget, sleazy, incomprehensible and cheap.

And it is brilliant.

Battletruck (1982)

In the post-apocalypse landscape, with oil a scarcity worth killing over, its time to drive around in a huge gas guzzling lorry.

With governments and societies either collapsed or on the brink, the wastelands are full of gangs fighting each other in bad customised vehicles. Straker (James Wainwright) is a warlord who drives around in an armoured lorry, his daughter Corlie (Annie McEnroe) escapes his camp though and meets up with lone biker Hunter (Michael Beck). Straker is soon out to storm the compound there Corlie is hiding out...

Yet another Mad Max clone, and this one is filmed in New Zealand so the similar accents add to the Mad Max feel. The film is pretty silly of course, it doesn't make much sense and is very violent but it pretty entertaining at times.

Black Cobra (1987)

Violent nonsense as the loner cop fights a violent motorbike gang in a 1980s post-industrial wasteland. So, pretty original then.

A brutal gang led by Bruno Bilotta is killing and raping people at random. They next attack photographer Elys (Eva Grimaldi) whom the gang think has taken photographs of them. The police call upon maverick cop Malone (Fred Williamson) to protect Elys from the thugs who are out to kill her no matter the cost...

This is a pretty generic late 1980s low budget violent film, the sort of film that used to fill video rental shop shelves by the dozens. It isn't that bad a film really, but you will have seen it all before and usually a lot better. 

It is what it is, plenty of violence and late 1980s post-industrial grime.