Fallout (1999)

What a great idea for a film, though the execution leaves a lot to be desired.

We are in the future (well for this film anyway, 2015 is the past now). Russia have invaded a former Soviet country (oh that sounds familiar). However, despite being from the country being invaded Federov (Frank Zagarino) is still going to command a space shuttle mission on the behalf of the Russians to the international space station (or a more advanced version which conveniently has artificial gravity). Also going on the mission is Amanda (Teri Ann Lynn) who is going to fix the space station's computer.

However, on the station things soon go wrong. Federov seizes control of the station and also a Russian nuclear attack satellite constellation. He tells Russia that they must withdraw from his homeland or he will start firing these nuclear satellites at US cities! The US responds by sending maverick pilot Hendricks (Daniel Baldwin) aboard an experimental new space ship, which has yet to make a successful flight...

The story is great though the budget and execution is unfortunately not up to the job. The acting is nearly as flimsy as some of the sets do, one of which makes Mission Control look like it's been relocated to a caravan. The action mostly consists of firing assault rifles on a space station. This does not seem the wisest thing to do to me...

Beyond Justice (1991)

A desert romp and also utterly terrible.

A spoilt rich kid (David Flosi) is kidnapped by his father (Kabir Bedi) and taken to the desert to become the next Emir of a violent clan in Morocco. His spoilt rich mother Christine (Carol Alt) hires ex-CIA agent Burton (Rutger Hauer) to rescue him. Christine insists on tagging along though as Burton takes on the Emir's (Omar Sharif) goons...

This is pretty poor stuff, so disjointed and confusing. The reason for this is that this is a film length version of a five hour TV mini series! Maybe the original series makes sense but this film edit so often doesn't. Hauer does his usual action hero stuff and that can be good at times, but the problem is the rest of this mess. 

You really do get the feeling Hauer, Sharif and Elliot Gould, who plays Christine's lawyer, are pretty wasted here. Fast forward between the action scenes and it is entertaining enough.

The Hunt for Red October (1990)

A classic late Cold War thriller.

A new advanced Soviet submarine is about to launch, it's new electro-drive makes it virtually undetectable giving the Soviets a sizeable advantage in any nuclear war. Luckily for the US, the captain of the submarine (Red October) is Ramius (Sean Connery) who wants to defect and will bring the submarine with him! When the Soviets raise the alert, CIA analyst Jack Ryan (Alec Baldwin) is the only one who suspects this is a defection and not a Soviet preparation for war.

As the Red October tries to reach the West and safety, Jack heads out to the cold waters of the North Atlantic  to contact Ramius and find out for sure what his intensions are as Soviet and US forces converge...

A great tense film set mostly aboard a submarine (therefore the perfect location for tenseness!) Seen nowadays it has an amusing coincidence in that the troublesome political officer (Peter Firth) whom Ramius has to kill early on is called Putin! Great sets and some exciting (and - because it is based on a Tom Clancy story - realistic) underwater combat scenes make this one of the best Cold War dramas.

Hijacked: Flight 285 (1996)

Fairly unoriginal aeroplan hijacking movie with a cast of stereotypes in the Airport movie tradition. It isn't that bad though.

Convicted murder Peter (Anthony Michael Hall) is being transported on a commercial flight, however he has two friends aboard the flight who release him from the Marshals and he takes over the flight. He demands a flight to freedom and twenty million dollars. FBI investigator Deni (Ally Sheedy) is rushed from her gymnastics coaching (really) to handle the situation...

As usual with these films we follow the story with a number of the fellow passengers. So, we have the rude drunk businessman (David Graf), the retired couple, the troubled family who come good as the varied passenger stereotypes (no alcoholic middle aged woman though which is disappointing, so we can't complete the bingo card). All are vital to the plot to some degree though so that is good.

The film is quite generic we are to be honest with few surprises but it is competently done. If a bit ridiculous.

Firepower (1993)

Its the near future, street gangs have taken over parts of the city where the police are afraid to go.

However, police detectives Darren (Chad McQueen) and Nick (Gary Daniels) are operating undercover to investigate Drexal (Joseph Ruskin) who runs illegal drugs including counterfeit AIDS vaccines in the no-go zones and also runs death matches, his champion The Swordsman always wins. The Swordsman is Jim Hellwig aka The Ultimate Warrior in what is probably his only movie role!

So, this is pretty basic stuff. Violent and cheap, everything is rather dark despite all of the open fires. Nothing really makes a lot of sense but it doesn't really matter as there will probably be another killing in ten seconds. The Ultimate Warrior is probably the best part of the film even though he doesn't really say much. 

Bounty Tracker (1993)

A film about a bounty tracker, which is basically a bounty hunter but with a different title.

Jonathan (Lorenzo Lamas) is a bounty hunter tracker heads out west to visit his brother in LA. Unfortunately brother Paul (Paul Regina) and his firm of lawyers is mixed up in a murky crime boss trial. When Paul's law firm is literally wiped out by a gang led by Gauss (Matthias Hues), Paul gets police protection. However, that doesn't save him from Gauss and his top hit woman Jewels (Cyndi Pass)...

Jonathan wants revenge against Gauss and enters the LA underworld to try and track him down, including a rather strange fight scene at an Indonesian martial arts dojo. Jonathan ends up getting some help from a bunch of kids.

An ultra violent film with a basic script which simply provides a skeleton for the violent set pieces to be hung off. Not very original or high art but entertaining if you like a high body count. The sort of film you would get from the video store as a teenager and loved all to death but nowadays cringe throughout if you watched it, well not me as i am still the teenager inside and loved it. There is plenty of early 1990s cheese on show as well. Great stuff!

Mission of Justice (1992)

This film is basically one long martial arts fight punctuated by little bits of plot. As the fighting is of pretty decent quality (and very violent) then this isn't that bad a thing.

Kurt (Jeff Wincott) is a disillusioned police officer who quits due to the odds stacked against the force. Mayoral candidate Dr Larkin (Brigitte Nielsen) also seems to agree with him, as she has recruited her own vigilante force to help the police. Kurt joins this force though because he is suspicious of Larkin and her actions and thinks she is behind the death of his friend and mentor Williams (Tony Burton).

Kurt discovers that behind Dr Larkin's public image is a dark world of ultra violence, torture and corruption. Dr Larkin will stop at nothing to achieve her aims, especially murder.

This is a great fun film with some amazing action set pieces. The plot is so-so but good enough to serve a film of this type. 

The Jesse Ventura Story (1999)

Jesse "The Body" Ventura (wrestler, actor, politician) has a life story almost tailor made for a biopic, unfortunately this isn't it.

We see Jesse from his early years as a US Navy Seal, then breaking into pro-wrestling before injuries forced him to take on a broadcasting role. This led to him beginning a film and TV career before finally entering politics and becoming governor of Minnesota. 

A great story but unfortunately so much of the story portrayed on screen is completely wrong, especially the wrestling segments which seem to exist in some parallel universe utterly against actual wrestling history (Raven, Goldberg in wrestling supposedly set in the 1970s and 80s? Really?)

To make matters worse, the guy who plays Ventura (Nils Allen Stewart) doesn't really look or sound like him, which is always a drawback when the original is one of the most recognisable people on Earth! Quite why the makers took so many liberties is unknown, but this is really terrible. Watch the real Jesse Ventura in Predator or Abraxus instead!

Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

A dubious Merlin unleashes horrors on a grandchild's mind.

When a power cut stops his grandson (Mark Hurtado) watching TV, granddad (Ernest Borgnine) tells him a couple of horror stories involving Merlin (George Milan) and his shop of horrors... i mean mystical wonders. In the first story a sneering newspaper critic (John Terrence) visits Merlin's shop to have a sneer. He is given a book of spells by Merlin to help him believe in him. The critic tries out the magic and unleashes all sorts of demonic and hellish magic on the world and himself.

In the second story a little monkey toy is bought by David (Bob Mendelsohn), unfortunately this toy is possessed by dark magic and when it plays the drums deaths occur. Starting with a goldfish and soon progressing to humans too...

Although the stories are not too original they are well done though they seem rather dark for a grandfather to tell a young boy! The moral from the story seems to be Merlin should be locked up! Although quite cheesy at times this is a perfectly enjoyable B-movie horror. You do wonder though if this film is indeed aimed at children or aimed at mentally scarring them?

The American Angels: Baptism of Blood (1990)

Ah this sounds like it could be a tough and gritty film from the violent world of wrestling, actually no this is a largely bloodless though frequently soft core bit of sexploitation.

Lisa (Jan Sebastian) is one of a number of girls who want to train to become wrestlers and join the American Angels organisation. Lisa has a secret though, her grandfather was Killer Kane (Robert D Bergen), notorious for killing someone in the ring. Luckily Lisa doesn't follow in his footsteps, yet. She is desperate to fight the champion Mimi (Mimi Lesseos) and will even seduce the show owner Diamond Dave (Tray Loren) to get her shot. As Diamond and Mimi are a couple this adds extra spice to the final showdown...

OK its fairly obvious who this film is aimed at, it's full of scantily clad fit and toned young women getting sweaty (so not all bad then). Despite all sexploitation nonsense, it isn't that bad a film and has some decent in ring action, assisted by real wrestlers like Susan Sexton. 

Not great but could have been a lot worse.

Santa with Muscles (1996)

A Hulk Hogan Christmas movie, this isn't as bad as you think it'll be. Its far worse.

Blake (Hogan) is a mean millionaire. In typical movie cliche style he bangs his head and now becomes a good guy in his amnesiac state. No one recognises him despite the fact he made his money selling best selling health supplements with his face plastered all over them! Plus the fact Hulk Hogan isn't exactly the most inconspicuous looking person in the world. As Blake banged his head wearing a Santa outfit for reasons he thinks he really is Father Christmas.

Meanwhile, another rich evil man called Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr) wants to close down an orphanage so he can get his hands on highly volatile crystals in catacombs below the orphanage. Blake, who by now has regained his memory, and also reveals he was at the orphanage as a child, becomes a good guy (yay!) and battles Frost and his collection of goons (which includes Brutus Beefcake as a "sumo lab assistant" - what?)

So, a very strange film indeed. Quite terrible in terms of story and plot too, some of the action scenes are well done - if rather inexplicable. The comedy though, which the film really should have more of, is lacking badly - apart from the unintentional of course.

The Fairy King of Ar (1998)

A whimsical tale of fairies and elves. 

Kyle (Jameson Baltes) and Evie (Brittney Bomann) are told tales of elves by their grandmother. A short while later, after their grandmother has passed, the family have come to live in her house. 

However, the family encounter strange reactions from, and are made unwelcome by, the villagers and the house's gardener (Malcolm McDowell). There is some sort of local secret the villagers do not want the family messing with. The children also begin to encounter little flying creatures in the woods. It all leads to an old gold mine where the fairies are trapped...

Its a nice little film but nothing much more than that. The children actors do a good job and the fairy special effects are quite enchanting. The plot though is as ethereal as any of the woodland folk and the whole film meanders at times.

Martial Law (1991)

This low-budget direct to video and somewhat cheesy martial arts crime movie could have been terrible but luckily/somehow it isn't...

The dangerous Rhodes (David Carradine) is a crime boss involved in gun smuggling and sports car theft, he is also a master of martial arts. So, who best to investigate him then than two cops who are also martial arts masters in the form of Sean (Chad McQueen) and Billie (Cynthia Rothrock)? However, Sean's younger brother Michael (Andy McCutcheon) has been dragged into a life of crime and comes under the wing of Rhodes...

So, you kind of know what this film is going to be like. A series of action set pieces held together by a serviceable though pretty flimsy and unoriginal plot. However, the action set pieces are in fact pretty good with plenty of violence and well planned fighting scenes. 

Much of the rest of the film is of variable quality but the sometimes unintentionally hilarious acting and storyline makes the film very entertaining indeed.

Cyber Tracker (1994)

We are in the future (2024 or thereabouts) and justice is dispensed by a cold heartless android killing machine. This is Terminator meets Robocop meets Judge Dread with about one hundredth of the budget.

Don (Don "The Dragon" Wilson) is a secret service agent tasked with protecting a senator (John Aprea) in a future America where the state has merged with a giant corporation. By now policing is done by near invincible androids who also act as judge, jury and executioner (one assumes they are not used to police jaywalking or parking offences). Don protects the senator from a terrorist group who want to stop the cyber police. 

The senator tries to bring Don into their dark secret though he wants to remain a good guy (of course). He is framed for murder and now the cyber cops and the human enforcer in the form of Ross (Richard Norton) are sent after him...

The story isn't up to much and doesn't have much originality. The film does have a lot of action and a lot of violence. Cars don't just crash, they explode. Most characters end up butchered by heavy calibre rounds. The violence does help to make the film watchable though overall the film isn't that great. The hi-tech "future" graphics and computers which look dated even by 1994's standards are funny though.

Feeders (1996)

Aliens have come to conquer the world, though first it seems they need a snack... on humans.

A rather dodgy looking flying saucer deposits a couple of small aliens in the US backwoods. They begin to hunt down their prey, humans. Meanwhile, Derek (Jon McBride) and Bennett (John Polonia) are on a road trip and travel though where the aliens are. They are soon involved in the troublesome situation, with aliens who prove hard to kill until local girl Michelle (Melissa Torpy) treads on one...

This is quite an awfully made and zero-budget film. It looks like it was filmed in 1976 rather than 1996 and on well used video tape at that. The story and acting is rather poor and the special effects terrible. The film is of course... brilliant despite all of that, hilarious (usually unintentionally). The film has heart too, it doesn't feel cynical. 

The film is what it is and should be enjoyed because of that.

Mind Ripper (1995)

Attempts to create a genetically engineered super soldier go wrong (what a surprise!)

At a secret government laboratory in the desert, scientists attempt to bring a corpse back to life. Finally their attempts work, unfortunately Thor (Dan Blom) has become an uncontrollable crazed beast augmented by genetic mutations. Alex (John Diehl) calls the project leader Stockton (Lance Henriksen) back to the lab. Naturally Stockton brings his young family with him to a remote desert laboratory where human experiments are carried out...

Meanwhile Alex, Joanne (Claire Stansfield) and Rob (Gregory Sporleder) are desperately trying to stay alive. Joanne discovers that Thor needs a certain chemical to stay alive, unfortunately Thor gets this chemical by growing a phallic appendage out of his mouth and then stabbing it into his victim's brain! 

This film has a lot of claustrophobic mayhem and running about into a barely lit underground bunker. The gore content is pretty high and the film does have the odd bright spot in it's plot though these are unfortunately largely lost in the gloom of stilted dialogue and repetitive nonsense. Not that a great film though fun to watch.

Karate Cop (1991)

In the post-apocalpyse future there is one remaining cop roaming the wastelands, just don't call him Max...

It is the future, gangs of men in tatty clothes fight in the streets and generally get up to mischief, including chasing Rachel (Carrie Chambers). She is saved by John Travis (Ronald Marchini), the last policeman left it seems. He lives with his dog and drives his old police car still. This is basically Mad Max 2 but in the USA.

Rachel enlights John's help to retrieve a crystal from a teleport device so she can send a group of children to safety. After battling through gang ambushes led by the hilariously inept Snaker (Michael E Bristow), John finds the crystal which is the object of worship by a weird cult. John gets the crystal and unfortunately the cult is forgotten about, which is a shame because it was one of the most interesting parts of the movie...

The gang lord Lincoln (DW Landingham) has kidnapped Rachel however, men will fight over her in a kind of Battledome though the giant champion (Michael Foley) always wins. So now we are on to ripping off Mad Max 3...

A hilariously bad film though undeniably entertaining. The action (not that much of it is "karate") isn't that bad at all. The story though is utter nonsense, it all makes little sense of course. This is a loose sequel to Omega Cop.

Subspecies: The Awakening (1998)

High octane vampire nonsense, what is going on? Who knows... but also who cares?

Michelle (Denice Duff) escapes from her vampire master Radu (Anders Hove), a creature of pure evil and also pretty hard to kill. Michelle is saved by a nurse and taken to the ridiculously creepy looking Dr Niculescu (Mihai Dinvale) who promises to help her but really he wants the mysterious blood stone which Radu possesses, though first he secretly drinks blood from Michelle's thigh while she is unconscious.

The scene is set for a showdown between Radu and Michelle in a crypt (of course) while various other incomprehensible vampire nonsense takes place.

This film is a bit of a mess. Very violent, bloody, incoherent and campy and weird. It's totally brilliant.

Crime Story (1993)

A tough police drama, but quite unlike most Jackie Chan films.

Jackie Chan is a police inspector tasked with protecting a controversial businessman who fears he will be kidnapped. The businessman is indeed kidnapped for a huge ransom after a thrilling chase around HK island involving Chan. 

Chan leads the case to track down the kidnappers who are thought to be in Taipei. Chan is accompanied by experienced detective Hung (Kent Cheng). However, unknown to the police Hung is part of the kidnap plot...

A cool and stylish and pretty violent film. Unlike most Jackie Chan actions films, including the iconic Police Story series, there isn't the high octane slapstick action humour. There are some incredible stunts though. There is also a chance for Jackie Chan to do some serious acting too. A really great film.

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Mad scientist creates super strong super intelligent sharks, what could go wrong?!

On a research platform in the ocean, scientists are extracting a protein from sharks' brains to create a cure for Alzheimer's. What Dr McAlester (Saffron Burrows) doesn't tell her backer Franklin (Samuel L Jackson) though is that the sharks have been genetically modified to be bigger and highly intelligent (bigger brains you see)... 

During a storm the sharks plan to escape goes into action, can the crew aboard the platform survive the surging waters and the violent sharks?

Surprisingly, despite the fact sharks in film these days often means over the top cheese, this isn't a bad film at all. Well paced and with some terrific action scenes (and gore) and effects. Good performances too especially from Carter (Thomas Jane) and Preacher (LL Cool J).

One of the better shark attack films you'll see.