How to Undress in Front of Your Husband (1937)

A strange little piece of sexploitation. Women have known how to dress for ages, the narrator (Albert van Antwerp) tells us but many women can't undress. While a peeping tom (Hal Richardson) looks on with his camera, we see two different women as they undress and get ready for bed. 

Elaine Barrie is all grace. With effortless ease she undresses, a masterpiece in lingerie. Trixie Fraganza is the complete opposite. More a dump truck than a graceful swan. That is it basically. There is a little bit of mild nudity, some dodgy humour and even dodgier stereotypes. Very odd and very much of it's time!

Top of the Heap (1972)

An interesting, if disjointed, tale of racism, patriotism and mental health. George (Christopher St John) is a tough black cop who is looked over for promotion. He also has trouble at home with his nagging wife (Florence St Peter) and teenage daughter, his thoughts keep slipping into an odd fantasy where he is an astronaut on the Moon...

The film is quite unusual, not so much a crime drama, more a commentary of the times. George is disturbed by the disrespect for the US flag he sees in every corner and the obstacles put in his way by The Man. In truth the film is a little awkward, the good ideas lost in a rather erratic execution and the surreal astronaut daydreams which sometimes drag. 

The film is an interesting piece of social and political commentary but not that interesting a watch.

Fighting Coast Guard (1951)

A decent if fairly unoriginal war movie. Bill Rourk (Forrest Tucker) is a foreman in a shipyard, he is chasing Admiral's daughter Louise (Ella Raines), who is also the beau of US Coast Guard Commander Ian McFarland (Brian Donlevy). After Pearl Harbor the world suddenly changes, and Bill is tricked into joining the Coast Guard at the academy under Ian's command...

Bill is still courting Louise, though it gets him into trouble. He assumes Ian has it in for him and has ruined his chances. He ends up in combat in a ship under Ian's command. Will he survive the war and get back to see Louise?

This film has all the usual war movie themes, the only really novel part is that it involves the Coast Guard. The film is a good watch though with plenty of stock footage during the battle scenes. The love triangle is probably the weakest part of the film but it is OK.

Bells (1982)

There are many ways to kill people especially in Hollywood movies, in this one (which is also known as Murder by Phone) the method of murder is to send sonic death signals and electric shocks down the line. When one of his former students is killed in this grisly manner, Nat Bridger (Richard Chamberlain) heads into the city to try and find out what exactly is going on. A man with a grudge (Robin Gammell) is carrying out these killings, the telephone company isn't really helping much by using it's huge corporate power and influence to bury the problem.

Nat, with the help of Ridley (Sara Botsford) and the police (Gary Reineke), begins to unravel the plot and the cover-up. The film is full of tension and suspense especially in the final act as Nat challenges the killer to call him so his location can be traced. 

A fantastic film but one which will probably leave you with an irrational fear of the telephone. Luckily nobody speaks on the phone anymore and nobody has worked out a way to kill people using SMS or Twitter... yet.

Bloodline (1979)

Quite possibly the worst film ever made, a hideous film in so many ways, and of course very watchable because of that. 

After the owner of a pharmaceutical company is killed (he is climbing a mountain dressed in what looks like a Spiderman outfit and his rope is cut), his daughter and heir Elizabeth (Audrey Hepburn) is under pressure to sell the company by the board members (a host of stars including James Mason and Omar Sharif) who all have their own money troubles.

Elizabeth decides to not sell and she is now in danger. She manages to survive a number of botched murder attempts. Meanwhile, a detective (Gert Frobe) investigates the death of Elizabeth's father - mostly by talking to a computer (which speaks back of course with a wonderfully retro synthesised voice). There is also a strange snuff-video subplot which doesn't seem to have much of anything to do with the main plot...

The film is a car crash (and also includes a number of car crashes). It is incredibly trashy and shoddy. A perfect adaptation of a Sidney Sheldon book then. The dialogue is banal, the editing rough, the plot makes little sense. Quite why such a great cast wanted to be involved with this is the true mystery. Like the board members in the film they obviously needed the money.