Love on Delivery (1994)

Ho Kam-An (Stephen Chow) is a hapless dim sum delivery boy who falls in love with martial arts student Lily (Christy Cheng). Unfortunately, she is also the object of the creepy and slimy Judo Master Blackbear (Joe Cheng). 

When Ho Kam-An is humiliated because he can't stand up to Blackbear and Lily gets hurt, he goes to a bizarre kung-fu teacher called Tat (Ng Man Tat) to learn a very strange form of martial arts (which is more a scam) so he can be a hero...

And it is all very very strange, a classic HK comedy which ruthlessly takes the piss out of the likes of the Terminator, Rocky and Karate Kid, to set up a number of very odd comedy situations and an avalanche of gags, weird tangents and Cantonese puns. Although a funny film and very madcap, it's also quite a violent film with a number of crazy and very well choreographed fight scenes. A classic example of a Stephen Chow comedy and very entertaining indeed.

The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965)

A ridiculous if funky surfer monster movie. America's youth are doing what they do best on the beach in the mid-1960s, dancing to rock and roll, fooling about with the opposite sex, and surfing of course. The local marine scientist, Dr Lindsey (Jon Hall), has a very dim view of these activities, especially as his son Richard (Arnold Lessing) for some reason prefers girls and surfing to helping Dad out with fish and test tubes...

Then one of the bikini clad girls is killed by some sort of monster. Dr Lindsey thinks it may be a mutant fish though Richard just thinks it is a local maniac. Soon another surfer is killed, as well as Dr Lindsey's bitchy new wife Vicky (Sue Casey) and even Richard's best friend Mark (Walker Edmiston) is attacked. Maybe Richard is right and it is a maniac dressed as a giant fish...

The film is a joyous mess, with a cool surfer rock soundtrack. The monster is rather unscary and laughable and the film is shamelessly exploitative with plenty of footage of girls in bikinis dancing on the beach. Drivel but fun.

The Land That Time Forgot (1974)

One of many films in the 1970s when Doug McClure ends up punching lots of men and monsters. During World War 1 a German u-boat torpedoes a British freighter. Bowen (McClure), Lisa (Susan Penhaligon) and Bradley (Keith Barron) amongst the few survivors. When the u-boat surfaces Bowen leads his small band of men to capture the u-boat from the command of von Schoenvorts (John McEnery).

Due to sabotage the u-boat is sent off course and ends up at a strange uncharted island in the Antarctic. The crew discover that beyond the icy cliffs there is a lush tropical paradise inside... inhabited by cavemen and dinosaurs! Bowen and team have to try and survive in this strange world, mostly by shooting anything which moves...

This is a fun monster romp with good use of stop motion animation and models. The effects are only let down by the pterodactyls which fly around without moving a muscle. While the submarine scenes can drag a bit once we get to the "Land That Time Forgot" the action and excitement really picks up. Reflections on the morality of war and the nature of civilisation elevate this film over the average monster film.

Diary of a Lost Girl (1929)

A fine meaty role for the peerless Louise Brooks. 

She plays Thymian, daughter of a chemist (Josef Rovensky), who is raped by her father's assistant (Fritz Rasp). She becomes pregnant and is sent to a tough reform school (and her baby taken away from her) as she won't marry her rapist. Thymian eventually escapes and ends up working in a brothel. There is a way for Thymian to escape her dark life with the help of a Count (Andre Roanne) but will she be able to take it? Or will she be always haunted by her past?

This is a tough film which Brooks brings a lot of emotion into (but let's face it she is put through a lot). The film portrays upper and middle class society as moral free, sadistic and hypocritical. 

This is a melodrama for sure but so artfully and skill fully done. Louise Brooks is mesmerising. 

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

A sequel? Well not really as none of the characters from the first Wizards of the Lost Kingdom appear in this, which is just as well because all that was achieved in the first film has been thrown away and the land is under the control of evil wizards again! 

Broken down old wizard Caedmon (Mel Welles) is tasked to find a youngster who is the last hope to defeat evil. Caedmon soon finds Tyor (Robert Jayne), a floppy haired teenager who is to learn how to be a wizard and save the world. So this is a bit like Harry Potter, only in this case the teenage wizard is a bit of a whiny loser.

Caedmon and Tyor travel through the three kingdoms, meeting heroes including the Dark One (David Carradine) and defeating the evil wizard controlling the land with various awkward sword fights and mediocre magic. The scene is thus set for the final showdown which ends up being an incredibly clumsy romp where most of the protagonists stand out doing nothing as if waiting for their cue.

A campy and inept film with banal dialogue, terrible fighting scenes and cheap looking effects; it's not to be taken seriously. It is funny though I suspect not quite as the makers intended. The film feels like a comedy sketch show parody that went on far too long. Hilariously bad, and thus very watchable for that point alone.