Neutron vs. the Death Robots (1962)

An example of the rather strange genre of the luchador movie. Where masked Mexican wrestlers appear in movies as super heroes and villains, and do a decent job of it too.

Neutron (Wolf Ruvinskis) is a crime fighting super hero who recently defeated the similarly masked but evil Dr Caronte (Julio Aleman). Caronte, however was not killed and has returned with a new plot to revive the brains of three dead scientists. With the help of their knowledge, the help of the alive scientist Professor Thomas (Jack Taylor) and his army of robot mutants, Caronte plans to build the ultimate bomb. Oh he also had a midget assistant called Nick.

In between various musical interludes starring Nora (Rosita Arenas), Dr Caronte sends his army to gather the chemicals he requires to build his bomb. Then the bomb goes missing at the airport...

A very odd film indeed. The final fight between Neutron and Dr Caronte is very good (and goes on for a long time) but much of the rest of the film is rather slow and disjointed and doesn't make a lot of sense.

The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)

A quality early 1970s horror. In the 17th century farmer Ralph (Barry Andrews) is minding his own business when his plough unearths a fiendish creature's remains. Thus begins a dark tale of Satanic possession and witchcraft. Young local girl Angel (Linda Hayden) becomes the servant of the Dark One and lures other youngsters into her coven, giving them the (hairy) demonic skin and in some cases leading them to their doom...

The Judge (Patrick Wymark) is at first sceptical but soon he learns of the real dark power of Satan and only he can save the village from destruction...

A dark, sordid and sexy tale of evil (well you certainly see plenty of young female flesh). Although the story isn't highly original (early 70s British horror was full of Satanic witchcraft) this is a very well made example of the genre with excellent performances. The only real criticism is that the final showdown is rather underwhelming but that doesn't stop the film being one of the best British horror films of the period.

Santa Claus (1898)

Possibly the earliest appearance of Santa Claus in a film, he is noticeably not quite as rotund as later on (all those mince pies obviously). A short simple film made by George Albert Smith showing Santa Claus visiting a couple of children at Christmas (sound asleep of course), but with some interesting camera effects especially for the day. A simple and lovely way to show the magic of Christmas.

Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)

A horror spy comedy which combines several genres to produce something truly awful. After the Communists have taken over Cuba, the regime are fleeing with the state gold reserves. They hire a criminal in Renzo (Antony Carbone) to get the loot overseas, but he wants the money for himself and concocts a bizarre plot to start killing off the Cuban guards with an invented sea monster... unfortunately there is a real sea monster who is also bumping them off.

All this is being observed by secret agent XK150 (Robert Towne) who is part of the crew, though is pretty clueless. Renzo schemes to get the boat caught on the rocks so he can get the loot. However, he didn't plan on there being a real monster...

This is pretty strange stuff, an obvious parody but the problem is that it just isn't very funny. The best humour is provided by sardonic moll Mary-Bell (Betsy Jones-Moreland), plus also the sheer ridiculousness of the monster. There is also a gang member who brays like a animal instead of speaking. Very weird.

Red Dawn (1984)

Drivel but highly entertaining drivel all the same. It is 1984 and the Soviet Union is on the march, NATO having collapsed due to European liberal weenies (this is a pretty right-wing film to be honest). As a teacher bores his history class he notices paratroopers landing in the playing grounds. He goes out to see who they are and is gunned down. America has been invaded by the Cubans!

A group of kids led by Jed (Patrick Swayze) and Matt (Charlie Sheen) flee into the woods with a pick-up truck full of guns and cans of Coke. With the men in the town rounded up and Soviet tank regiments rolling into the Mid-West, there is only one thing these kids can be: the resistance. They take the name of their school football team, the Wolverines and begin a fight back!

They also make partizan warfare look rather easy as a bunch of untrained teens mow down highly-trained Russian and Cuban troops time and time again. After brutal reprisals don't stop the Wolverines, the Soviet commanders led by Bella (Ron O'Neal) and Bratchenko (Vladek Sheybal) resort to more subtle methods...

Complete nonsense and fairly brain dead fun. The battle scenes are well-done in that very Hollywood-esque way that the "bad guys" can't shoot straight while the heroes never miss. If you brush aside the ridiculous premise and often overt propaganda-ish feel then it is perfectly enjoyable.