Soho Conspiracy (1950)

A rather cheaply made 1950s musical drama, padded out by footage from another film (Mad about the Opera) and unfortunately they are the best bits...

Plans to hold a charity concert are put in peril by a ruthless property developer who wants to take over a restaurant. That's it really, the film sounds like it should be a crime drama with the title it had but instead you get a rather muddled musical drama with a little too much unfunny slapstick (which relies too much on "funny foreigners and their strange ways").

Real artists like Beniamino Gigli and Gino Bechi appear in the film, sometimes obviously dubbed. The lovely Zena Marshall is one of the film's few good points. To be honest you would probably be a lot better served watching the original 1948 film instead...

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't (1979)

Rather surreal and rather weird, there isn't much to this TV movie but at least it's short enough to not outstay it's welcome... just.

Dracula (Judd Hirsch) has heard a terrible rumour that Halloween is to be canceled (maybe it's not woke enough?) He summons his fellow monsters including the Mummy, a Zombie, Frankenstein's Monster (John Schuck) and the Witch (Mariette Hartley) to find out how these rumours started. He discovers that it is the Witch who is responsible, she doesn't want to be a witch anymore and won't fly over the moon. Can Dracula force her to change her mind and save Halloween?

It is all rather silly, and pretty absurd. What the Witch really wants is to disco dance with the Count, which of course dates this film somewhat. A light hearted romp, the humour is pretty corny but (sometimes) hits the mark.

Retro Puppet Master (1999)

A really bizarre and grotesque horror film, a prequel in the long-running Puppet Master series.

Toulon (Guy Rolfe) and his puppets, possessed by the spirits of dead people, is in Switzerland. He tells a story about how it all started, going back to Egypt - which for some reason is all blue. The ancient sorcerer Afzel (Jack Donner) has stolen the secret of life from the god Sutekh. He heads to Paris (which is also all blue, no reason for this is ever given) pursued by Sukekh's mummies. Afzel is attacked outside a theatre where young Toulon (Greg Sestero) and his friends hold creepy puppet shows.

Afzel teaches Toulon how to transfer the spirit from the dead to a puppet (of course!) The mummies of Sutekh now also go after Toulon too, they kill his friends. Toulon places their spirits into his puppets to create an army to fight evil! The mummies force Toulon into a showdown on a train by kidnapping Ilsa (Brigitta Dau), a girl Toulon likes...

Very strange film indeed. The film is very macabre in look and feel, and very atmospheric. The pacing and acting is often fairly off, sometimes the puppets move with more fluidity. It all adds to the weirdness and the enjoyment.

The Girl from Rio (1969)

A bizarre crime action film. There are many films which make little sense, but this film makes none whatsoever.

The all-female queendom of Femina, under the rule of Sumitra (Shirley Eaton), wants to conquer the world. Jeff (Richard Wyler) has arrived in Rio with $10 million. The gangster Sir Masius (George Sanders), whose men drive around incognito in gaudy hearses, is after his money though his hoods are pretty useless in a fight. Sumitra also wants the cash as well and captures Jeff. Jeff is take to Femina and ends up in a glass cell along with Ulla (Marta Reeve) being tortured. We discover that Jeff is really here to rescue her. Though, he seems to pick up quite a harem along the way.

It's terrible campy nonsense really, but looks pretty funky. Sumitra's fortress is a concrete Brutalist marvel. Her tortures involve many strange early electronic noises. Her army of females are (of course) fairly scantily dressed. Well it was 1969, who needed acid when films like this were around?

L' Orgie Romaine (1911)

The hedonistic lives of the Roman Emperors (at least in popular imagination) have always been a rich subject for film. In this early film we follow the notorious Heliogabalus (Jean Aymé) as he indulges himself with a harem of women, boys and also lions!

Heliogabalus comes to a sticky end though when the Pretorian Guard finally tire of his cruelty and deviance. Live by the orgy, die by the sword as they probably never said.

A luscious film that certainly had no shortage of extras and fancy costumes. The camera is rather static and the acting frequently over dramatic but a good story is told none the less.