Santa with Muscles (1996)

A Hulk Hogan Christmas movie, this isn't as bad as you think it'll be. Its far worse.

Blake (Hogan) is a mean millionaire. In typical movie cliche style he bangs his head and now becomes a good guy in his amnesiac state. No one recognises him despite the fact he made his money selling best selling health supplements with his face plastered all over them! Plus the fact Hulk Hogan isn't exactly the most inconspicuous looking person in the world. As Blake banged his head wearing a Santa outfit for reasons he thinks he really is Father Christmas.

Meanwhile, another rich evil man called Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr) wants to close down an orphanage so he can get his hands on highly volatile crystals in catacombs below the orphanage. Blake, who by now has regained his memory, and also reveals he was at the orphanage as a child, becomes a good guy (yay!) and battles Frost and his collection of goons (which includes Brutus Beefcake as a "sumo lab assistant" - what?)

So, a very strange film indeed. Quite terrible in terms of story and plot too, some of the action scenes are well done - if rather inexplicable. The comedy though, which the film really should have more of, is lacking badly - apart from the unintentional of course.

The Christmas Tree (1975)

There isn't much to this short film. The tale of a tinsel Christmas tree that is taken to a home, stands watch over Christmas and is then binned and burnt (and goes to Christmas tree heaven!)

This tree has a face (Julian Chagrin) however, but the family do not seem to notice this oddity. It is a charming but somewhat odd film, and i love it. As a child of the 1970s, the most dear Christmas time to me was the mid-1970s when it was still a wonder to me and not a chore. The true magic of Christmas is there. Coming down to the tree all excited on Christmas morning to get my new toys. Luckily our trees didn't have faces, or die for that matter as it was made of plastic tinsel. 

So, this is a great little oddity of a film and the best Christmas film i've ever seen (though to be honest that isn't saying much as the genre is usually pretty awful). Anyway Merry Christmas!

Carry on Christmas (1969)

The Carry On team do a Christmas Carol... and er... Frankenstein and Dracula for some reason.

Scrooge (Sid James) makes the life of Cratchit (Bernard Bresslaw) a misery. Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas past (Charles Hawtrey) and present (Barbara Windsor). We then get a rather odd horror film pastiche involving Dr Frank N Stein (Terry Scott) and then a pantomime. It is all rather strange and all rather awful...

The script was rather uninspired and it seems thrown together very poorly. The only real humour is from the classic catchphrases from the likes of Sid James and Charles Hawtrey. 

Its a real shame as this could have been something special with most of the classic cast being present. Best enjoyed on Christmas night after half a bottle of brandy.

The Fairy King of Ar (1998)

A whimsical tale of fairies and elves. 

Kyle (Jameson Baltes) and Evie (Brittney Bomann) are told tales of elves by their grandmother. A short while later, after their grandmother has passed, the family have come to live in her house. 

However, the family encounter strange reactions from, and are made unwelcome by, the villagers and the house's gardener (Malcolm McDowell). There is some sort of local secret the villagers do not want the family messing with. The children also begin to encounter little flying creatures in the woods. It all leads to an old gold mine where the fairies are trapped...

Its a nice little film but nothing much more than that. The children actors do a good job and the fairy special effects are quite enchanting. The plot though is as ethereal as any of the woodland folk and the whole film meanders at times.

Mandrake, the Magician (Serial) (1939)

An enjoyable comic book adaptation about a magician who fights crimes with his side kick (Al Kikume), kind of like Batman in a top hat.

Mandrake (Warren Hull) is on an ocean liner doing card tricks, and trying to avoid being shot by random hoodlums. Meanwhile, Professor Houston (Forbes Murray) is perfecting his new radium ray cannon but the technology is wanted by the maniacal villain The Wasp. Houston is kidnapped by The Wasp's henchmen. 

Can Mandrake and Houston's daughter Betty (Doris Weston) save the day in a series of death defying cliff hangers?

This is marvellously pulpy tosh though very entertaining all the same. It has all the ingredients for a decent 1930s serial and works very well overall though will get a bit a repetitive in the end as these serials tend to do. Great fun and The Wasp is a piece of genius.