Dark Future (1994)

Trash movies often make little sense but this one is takes that to a whole new level. It is the future and most of mankind has been wiped out by a plague, the few survivors live underground in a large prison... serving as prostitutes and servants to cyborgs! Quite why cyborgs, also billed as the ultimate machines, require sex and booze is never explained. But much of this film remains explained to be honest...

When a baby is born to two of the human survivors, who previously thought they were sterile, a rebellion is begun by Kendall (Darby Hinton) while Birch (Andria Mann) looks after the baby. The cyborgs, led by Nero (Leonard Donato), want the baby and begin a war against the humans. Finally, when Nero gets Birch and the baby, the dark reason for the cyborgs' need for the baby is revealed...

This is typical low-budget sci-fi nonsense. The film is pretty violent with a very high body count though the fight scenes are generally very clumsy and oddly slow motion. The most interesting thing about the film was that it was filmed in Russia and this gives it a different look and feel to most films of this type.

The Lost Continent (1968)

A superbly weird film. Captain Lansen (Eric Porter) has a rusty old tramp freighter full of explosive cargo and a group of passengers who all have secrets. Despite a hurricane warning, Lansen ploughs across the ocean but in the storm wrecks havoc, the crew abandon ship. The survivors awake amid a mysterious hellscape of carnivorous weed. Soon they find the ship, now trapped in a graveyard of other vessels.

One of those vessels is a Spanish galleon, the survivors seeking out other crews to seize their supplies to keep their twisted society of Conquistadors led by the boy king El Supremo (Darry Reed). Lansen and his fellow survivors including Eva (Hildegard Knef) and Tony (Harry Tyler) have to battle the Conquistadors and various bizarre monsters...

A terrific monster romp though we never actually get to see the "lost continent" which is a shame as there is apparently a society of survivors living on there though we only get to see one of them, Sarah (Dana Gillespie). A bit confused but great fun.

Alien Outlaw (1985)

Rednecks vs aliens, in theory it should be brilliant though this film unfortunately fails on many levels. A UFO crashes in a lake, the three alien inhabitants are both rather murderous and also rather dumb. Meanwhile gun show performer Jesse (Kari Anderson) is in town hoping to make it big. Her gun skills will soon be put to the test fighting aliens in one of the lowest wattage action films ever...

The plot is rather basic but what makes this film most notable is the lack of any urgency or bite to any of the action. Everything is all rather slow and lame. However, the film has plenty to entertain with it's (unintentional i'm sure) hilarity and crude stereotypes. 

Western B movie veterans Lash La Rue and Sunset Carson add a bit of interest plus there are a number of other weird characters including a hairy guy who seems to spend all of his day in bed.

The Midnight Girl (1925)

A rather average love triangle melodrama, though interesting to see Bela Lugosi in one of his pre-Dracula roles. Rich arts patron Nicolas (Lugosi) is growing weary of his star act Nina (Dolores Cassinelli), who is also sleeping with. His son Don (Gareth Hughes) has a big row with his Dad and moves out. Don discovers Anna (Lila Lee), a young immigrant singer, and falls in love with her. Unfortunately for Don his Dad also hears and falls in love with Anna. Father and son compete against each other for Anna...

A film of it's time, these days a film about a father and son both chasing the same young girl would not be greeted in quite the same light! This is standard melodrama fare, with a neat ending where everything is sorted out in the end and everyone goes home happily for tea. The film is quite acceptable though not much more. It is mostly worth seeing for Bela Lugosi not in a horror. 

The Lost World (1960)

A load of tosh but an enjoyable monster romp all the same. Professor Challenger (Claude Rains) returns from the Amazon with an amazing discovery, though not one he can prove, he has found dinosaurs atop a remote plateau! Despite official scepticism, Challenger assembles a new expedition to gain the proof. Unfortunately his team is a motley team including a sceptical scientist Summerlee (Richard Haydn), a dodgy adventurer Lord Roxton (Michael Rennie), a journalist Malone (David Hedison) and... a young woman Holmes (Jill St John) who brings her little yapping dog for an adventure to find dinosaurs!

The group find the plateau thanks to helicopter pilot Gomez (Fernando Lamas) but things soon take a turn for the worse when a dinosaur wrecks their helicopter and chases them into the jungle. Really you wonder why they were not a little more prepared. Soon things get worse as they are captured by a native tribe after finding a native girl (Vitina Marcus) and are prepared for the chop...

The plot is obvious but the film is good old fashioned adventure fun though fairly ridiculous in many ways, including the low budget "dinosaurs" which are basically large lizards with horns and plates glued to them!

Doomwatch (1972)

An environmental horror, though rather dull. Dr Shaw (Ian Bannen), from a government department investigating ecological problems called Doomwatch, arrives at a remote Cornish island to get samples of flora and fauna. He finds the villagers rather... odd. No one wants to help him, especially the policeman (Percy Herbert) and the vicar (Joseph O'Conor). This is beyond the usual suspicion of outsiders though. Dr Shaw uncovers evidence of something far more sinister behind closed doors...

An experimental growth hormone has been illegally dumped off the coast of the island. The Doomwatch team discover that the hormone is causing problems with many of the islanders, making them violent, deranged and deformed. Can Dr Shaw, with the help of the teacher Victoria (Judy Geeson) persuade the villagers to accept help?

A rather low-wattage drama. It was based on an early 1970s TV series and this shows at time with the lack of budget and plodding, yet well measured, plot. It is an interesting film and has enough drama to keep your interest, just. 

Swiss Miss (1938)

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy have come to Switzerland to sell mouse traps, as it is where the most cheese is! After a mix-up with fake money which leaves them broke but with a huge lunch bill, they end up working in a hotel kitchen and won't get out until they stop breaking plates... well that probably means never! 

Meanwhile, the famous opera composer Victor (Walter Woolfe King) is working on a new opera and must not be disturbed under any circumstances. Especially from his wife.

But his wife Anna (Grete Natzier) is also at the hotel, pretending to be a maid while she spies on Victor. To get the peace and quiet he needs, Victor gets Stan and Ollie to move his piano up the mountain to a secluded chalet... unfortunately an escaped gorilla has other ideas!

A fine enough Laurel and Hardy film though at times it has the air of a pantomime where they are the comedy double act to punctuate the main story which is a light hearted musical. Not their best film though enough Laurel and Hardy magic remains, even if it is a bit stretched out.