Contamination (1980)

A genuine "video nasty" from the 1980s and you can see why as it had plenty of exploding abdomens. A freighter arrives at New York with a dead crew, and they have died in an incredibly gruesome manner. The police discover some mysterious green eggs, one proceeds to explode covering the cops in goo... the cops then die horribly by giving their innards some air.

Colonel Stella Holmes (Louise Marleau) is investigating for the US government, enlisting the help of police man (and only survivor of the earlier gore fest) Tony Aris (Marino Masé). After some experiments in the lab (including blowing up a rat) they think the eggs and the goo have an extraterrestrial origin... from Mars to be exact. Holmes tracks down ex-astronaut Hubbard (Ian McCulloch) who went off the rails following his mission. He indeed did see the eggs on Mars though his fellow astronaut Hamilton (Siegfried Rauch) denied there was anything there. Pity he died in a plane crash... or did he?

Complete nonsense of course, obviously influenced by Alien though not a complete rip-off. A fun film if approached in the right way, and that right way is to have a laugh at the ridiculous alien monster and exploding bellies. Entertaining rubbish. The film was apparently funded by Columbian drug barons, perfect!

Dinosaurus! (1960)

On a tropical island paradise, which the white men are blowing up and bulldozing of course, Betty (Kristina Hanson) discovers two monsters underwater just off the beach. The monsters are frozen and have been released from the depths by the explosions. Bart (Ward Ramsey) orders the two beasts bought up to the surface, they are dinosaurs! A tyrannosaurus and a brontosaurus to be exact (well an apatosaurus really but this isn't a film to come to for palaeontological accuracy to be honest).

However, a storm overnight cuts the island off from the mainland and the dinosaurs are coming to life. Crooked local overlord Hacker (Fred Engelberg) discovers that a neanderthal was also released from the depths, he seeks to sell the neanderthal to become rich. Once the dinosaurs are active and causing havoc, Bart orders everyone to an old fortress. 

Unfortunately the local annoying kid Julio (Alan Roberts) has run off and is having an adventure with the neanderthal and the brontosaurus. Bart has to save Julio and stop the crooked plans of Hacker and avoid becoming a tyrannosaurus' lunch...

Not a terrible stop-motion monster film, the addition of the neanderthal gives the film some comedy when he is scared of a toilet flushing! Although not very original this is straight forward and enjoyable monster action.

Them Thar Hills (1934)

Poor Oliver Hardy has gout, his doctor (Billy Gilbert) tells him he needs to get some mountain air. With Stan Laurel, he heads into the countryside with a trailer. They find an idyllic spot which apparently has no inhabitants... in fact those inhabitants were arrested a short time ago. They were moonshiners and they dumped their booze down the well before the arrest.

Unaware of this Stan fills a bucket of "water" from the well. It doesn't take long until he and Ollie are absolutely hammered. Passing motorist Mrs Hall (Mae Busch) also gets drunk much to her husband's (Charlie Hall) fury...

A highly enjoyable comedy short, a simple idea which is pushed to the max. Silly and perfectly timed with a good dose of slapstick.

The Beast of the Yellow Night (1971)

A very strange film. In the early postwar Philippines jungle a dying war criminal, Langdon is given a choice by Satan (Vic Diaz). He can either continue to live by serve the Devil forever or die. Langdon chooses the former. We then switch to the present day (well early 1970s anyway) and a bad man is buried. This apparently was Langdon's previous host, Langdon's next host is businessman Philip Rogers (Josh Ashley). Langdon's mission is to awaken evil in the people he meets. Langdon/Rogers has an interesting way in serving Satan. As well as treat his now-wife Julia (Mary Charlotte Wilcox) with indifference and try and pass her off to Rogers' brother, he likes to go out at night, change into a disfigured demon and eat people...

However, by now Langdon is tired of being Satan's slave and wants out of his contract but unfortunately he has no way out and must serve Satan forever (small print eh?) Even when the police led by de Santos (Leopoldo Salcedo) shoot him (in demon mode) it has no effect. Langdon finally finds some kind of solace with a blind man (Andres Centenera). who was a notorious wanted criminal in his younger days but now is patiently awaiting the end and peace...

Truthfully, this is a rather confusing film. It is entertaining enough nonsense about a flesh eating monster loose on the streets of Manila though the story doesn't really go anywhere. The demon make-up is quite well done and Diaz' comedy Satan adds a little extra dimension to what is overall a rather plodding film. There are a number of annoying plot holes too. Despite all that is is enjoyable.

The Mummy (1959)

Many years ago the ancient Egyptian princess Ananka is buried in a tomb according to the law by the high priest of the god Karnak, Kharnis (Christopher Lee). However, Kharnis violates the tomb due to his love for Ananka. He tries to bring her back to life but is caught by the other priests. He is mummified and told to stand guard over Ananka for eternity...

Many years later the tomb is discovered and looted... i mean scientifically explored by Banning (Felix Alymer), his son John (Peter Cushing) and Whemple (Raymond Huntley). Despite the warnings of the strange man Bey (George Pastell) of doom if they desecrate the tomb they press on. Banning discovers the scroll of the dead and inadvertently brings Kharnis back to life. The shock drives him mad...

Now back in England some years later, Bey brings Kharnis to England with him with one aim: kill the men who desecrated the tomb of Ananka...

This is a superb occult horror film, though uneven in pace. The scenes set in ancient Egypt give the film an extra dimension and a romantic sub-plot which gives the "monster" some meaning.

High School Hero (1946)

Part of the Teen-Agers series of movies (not that any of them were). Things are going badly at school. The football team is useless and the school newsletter headed by Betty (Noel Neill) is doomed unless she can find some news. There is plenty of potential news though, the governor (Pierre Watkin) is going to visit the school and the principal (Milton Kibbee) and history teacher (Belle Mitchell) are - kind of - having a thing.

The "teens" get up to various hi-jinks including getting Dodie (June Preisser) to pretend to be a player on the team, and Freddie (Freddie Stewart) getting mixed up with the singer Chi Chi (Lita Baron) - who earlier does a bizarre horse based musical number...

Complete nonsense of course but charming enough with light goofy humour a-plenty. There are a number of cool jazz numbers too, Freddie Stewart had a really good voice. Just don't expect any actual teens.

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

A bizarre film containing much torture and death, though all with a strange air of camp. The Crimson Executioner is a notorious maniac who is put to death in his own castle. Hundreds of years later that castle is inhabited by a deranged bodybuilder called Travis (Mickey Hargitay). When an erotic film crew turn up at his castle, he initially turns them away but when he sees his ex Edith (Luisa Baretto) is amongst them he changes his mind.

Then the deaths begin, in horrible and bizarre manner including a strange spider web with booby trapped darts (which is in fact a complete flop). Rick (Walter Brandi) manages to avoid being killed by an incredibly slow bed of nails. Having beaten up Travis' rather poor henchmen, he discovers Travis' torture chamber where he prances from torture to torture, including putting Edith on a rather slow grill...

It is all rather weird. Despite the sadism and torture, the sheer campness of the Crimson Executioner as he jumps around just makes everything so absurd. Somehow it makes a film detailing the painful torture and destruction of young men and women rather silly and very cheesy.