Time of the Apes (1985)

A rather confusing rip-off of Planet of the Apes.

Catherine (Reiko Tokungaga), Caroline (Hiroko Sato) and Johnny (Masaaki Kaji) are having a look around an advanced cryogenic facility when an earthquake occurs and they get accidentally frozen and put into suspended animation (as you do!) When they awaken they find thousands of years have passed and now the world is run by ape men controlled by UFOs and a super computer!

The ape men are rather inept and the three humans manage to escape their execution. They flee to the hills where they discover Godo (Tetsuya Ushio) who is one of the last humans left alive...

This isn't a very good film, little of it makes any sense especially the ending and how our humans manage to return to their time. The science nonsense makes Star Trek Voyager technobabble seem scientifically coherent. The film has some campy fun, especially the ridiculous ape men but is all a bit too weird to really enjoy. Two of the humans are small children and their annoyance factor does not help matters.

The Leech Woman (1960)

A surprisingly good low budget horror film.

Dr Talbot (Philip Terry) is on bad terms with his alcoholic wife June (Coleen Grey). However, when he discovers from a mysterious African woman called Malla (Estelle Helmsley) that there is a secret to restoring youth then he suddenly reconciles with his wife and they head to Africa to discover Malla's secret (and make a fortune). After much stock footage, the Talbots end up at Malla's village. There they discover that Malla's secret is an elixir requires an awful ingredient: fluid from a just slain man's brain! Malla has her youth restored (now played by Kim Hamilton) and tells June that she can also have the elixir but she must choose the man who will be killed for her. She chooses her husband!

June manages to escape the village but discovers the effect of the elixir is short lived. She has no problem in killing again and again to return to her youth. When she arrives home she pretends she is her own niece and she has the hots younger men (some of whom she also kills) but the police are already hot on her trail of dead brain fluid drained victims...

This is a great film despite the overuse of stock footage in the African scenes which can drag the film down a bit. The Noir feel, though sometimes unexpected humour too, and the surprises make for an entertaining horror.

The Lone Wolf in Paris (1938)

One of the earlier Lone Wolf talkies, a different actor plays the reformed jewel thief but the fast moving action will be very familiar.

The Lone Wolf Michael Lanyard (Francis Lederer) is a reformed jewel thief, who always seems to get involved in other people's troubles. This time he gets roped in to help Princess Thania (Frances Drake) who is trying to steal back jewels which will be needed for her family's coronation ceremony. A group of financiers are holding the jewels and won't sell them back, hoping to bring down Thania's royal house. 

The Lone Wolf and his trusty butler Jenkins (Olaf Hytten) help Thania in her efforts to retrieve the jewels, however the group have many tricks up their sleeves making things difficult. Luckily, the Lone Wolf has more tricks up his sleeves!

Francis Lederer only played the Lone Wolf once before the role switched to Warren William who made the next nine films with the character. Lederer's Lone Wolf is similar though has a slightly more reserved European suaveness to him. An entertaining film.

The Rounders (1914)

Charlie Chaplin and Fatty Arbuckle play a couple of drunken gents in this early Chaplin comedy. The gents get drunk together amid much slapstick and end up passed out on the tables in a restaurant before getting thrown out and returned to their long-suffering wives (Phyllis Allen and Minta Durfee). 

This is all a bit rough and crude compared to the kind of film Chaplin would be making his name in in a few years. It is fine enough for what it is.

What a Carve Up! (1961)

A highly enjoyable comedy crime drama, at times it verges on Carry On territory but thats no bad thing.

Ernie (Kenneth Connor) is told his rich uncle has died by a somewhat sinister solicitor (Donald Pleasance). Ernie heads off to his uncle's country pile with his mate Syd (Sid James), a lonely looking house in the moors. Ernie's fellow family members are a motley crew of weirdos. Then the deaths start happening...

Ernie, Syd and the rest, including the uncle's former nurse (Shirley Eaton) scramble to try and work out what is going on in the strange house and stop the murderer. However, they need to identify who it is first. Surely it must be one of the family members present or is it, in this house riddled with secret doors and passageways...

This is a fine film, most of the time it isn't laugh out loud funny rather than humorous and inventive but it does have it's slapstick and ridiculous moments especially with Connor and James. It has plenty of twists too, it works as a dark house crime drama as well.

Master Ninja I (1984)

The Master was a ninja themed TV series from 1984, two episodes were used to create this feature length film, two more episodes were used to create the imaginatively named Master Ninja II.

The Master McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is an American veteran who now possesses the mysterious skills of the Ninja. Along with his young friend Max (Timothy Van Platten) they aim to help out those in need. In the first episode... half of the film they help out the owner of a small airfield and his daughter (Demi Moore) against a scheming land developer and the local police who are in his pocket...

As this film is based on the first episodes of the series we do get some back story for McAllister and Max and also see Max begin his ninja training. The action is quite generic for 1980s US TV series, with the usual budget to match so doesn't amount to much. Lee Van Cleef was a little too old and creaking to play a convincing ninja but the film isn't without it's good bits. It is a fairly passable film though but you can see why the TV series did not last that long.

It Conquered the World (1956)

Although this film is packed full of familiar genre tropes, it is a surprisingly decent watch.

A satellite sent up by the US starts to act strangely and it is bought back to Earth in a team led by Dr Nelson (Peter Graves). Meanwhile, his friend Dr Anderson (Lee Van Cleef) is acting strangely and seems to be talking to... someone. That someone turns out to be a being from another world and it intends to take control of the Earth... by sending space bats to attack the local sheriff and mayor and putting them under his control...

But just wait until you see the jiggly rubber suit horror that is the alien! This is a fun film and is very familiar with all the common tropes like small town settings (very budget friendly), ridiculous aliens and nefarious plots to conquer mankind but foiled by men in open-top Cadillacs. The film is ridiculous but very watchable.