Grizzly (1976)

What do bears do in the woods? We know they do that, but they also leave a trail of dead bodies behind them in this film...

Kelly (Christopher George) is a park ranger who has to handle the hunt for a killer grizzly bear as well as the usual stereotypes in this kind of film, Kittridge (Joe Dorsey) the reckless park administrator and Allison (Joan McCall) the female interest - but then who disappears in the last act of the film. 

Kelly is helped by a Vietnam vet helicopter pilot (Andrew Pine) and a naturalist (Richard Jaeckel) who both end up victims of the giant bear. Kelly, though, has a rocket launcher...

It is an enjoyable, if fairly unoriginal romp in the woods. The hunt for the bear is rather aimless and repetitive, to be honest even the bear seems to end up getting bored as he ends up finding them in the end. The gore is high though often ridiculous. Fun if you can bear it. Jaws in the woods.

The Screaming Skull (1958)

The makers of this film promised to pay for the funeral of anyone who died while watching it, but they probably didn't have to pay much out as it's a rather unscary horror...

Eric (John Hudson) and Jenni (Peggy Webber) are newlyweds, they move into the home Eric used to share with his first wife - who died in mysterious circumstances. Jenni starts hearing strange noises begins to see a skull. Eric tells her it isn't real, and we discover that Jenni had had some mental illness in the past. Eventually it seems it is the ghost of Eric's first wife and she is out for revenge...

Although not very scary really, this is a fun film due to all of the cheese including some very ropey looking special effects. 

Oblivion (1994)

Quite what is going on here i don't know. The film is set on an alien planet in the future but everyone dresses and acts like they are in an old Western. 

A cruel outlaw (a reptilian of course) called Redeye (Andrew Divoff) guns down the Marshal (Mark Genovese) of the town of Oblivion and takes over with his gang, which includes Lash (Muscetta Vander) who likes to wear bondage gear and whip people. The Marshal's son Zach (Richard Joesph Paul) lives out of town, unwilling to get involved in any gunplay because he feels the pain of his victims (something which seems rather variable if we are to be honest). He saves the life of cod-philosopher Buteo (Jimmie Skaggs) from a giant scorpion and finally gets involved in the fight and faces Redeye and his crew.

The film doesn't make a lot of sense and is packed full of strange cameos and random events and characters including Gaunt (Carel Struycken), a strange Death character who naturally is the undertaker. One of the cameos is George Takai, who plays the town's drunk doctor. He throws dreadful Star Trek related puns into his dialogue at random. We also have Isaac Hayes as a bar owner. He just seems to be there, because why not?

By no means is this a good film but it's awfulness is truly compelling. A film that needs to be experienced.

The Perils of Mandy (1980)

A (very) cheap bit of soft-core British sex comedy trash. The perils of Mandy (Gloria Brittain) include being beaten by a pervy old school master, sex in a haystack and being tied to some railway tracks. I suppose it can vaguely bring to mind the film serials of the 1910s such as the Perils of Pauline, though in a rather more racey manner! 

Expect plenty of stockings and spenders, don't expect much in the way of coherence or plot or acting for that matter. Unfortunately we are to be forever left hanging with the cliffhanger as to whether Mandy survives her final peril or not as no "Part 2" was ever made.

The Shape of Things to Come (1979)

Star Wars spawned many space opera imitators which ripped off George Lucas' film to various degrees, this film tries to rip off a number of other films too. One thing it doesn't rip off is H.G. Wells' story, it has pretty much nothing to do with it despite his name in the titles. The excellent Things to Come already exists of course.

We are in the future, Earth is inhabitable following a robot war and mankind lives on the Moon and elsewhere in space. The Moon, however comes under attack by a suicide freighter sent by Omus (Jack Palance) from Delta 3, which is also where the drugs which mankind needs to survive come from. Dr Caball (Barry Morse), his son Jason (Nicholas Campbell), Kim (Anne-Marie Martin) and the exploding robot Sparks (Greg Swanson/Mike Parr) set off to stop Omus...

Meanwhile, on Delta 3 Omus and his army of ridiculous looking robots are evilly hunting down the last survivors of President Niki (Carol Lydney) and her supporters. Omus has a devilish machine that can melt minds too, quite why is not quite clear...

This isn't a terribly great film, the space effects are passable (on the whole) though the sets and costumes betray a lack of budget. The story is rather slow and meandering, including a detour to Earth which doesn't really go anywhere plot wise. It has the required camp value for a late 1970s space opera but lacks much of a spark, despite Sparks' efforts. Palance is superbly over the top as the evil Omus.

The Old Actor (1912)

A rather static though enjoyable little drama. 

An old actor (W. Chrystie Miller) loses his role at the theatre due to being too old, he is too embarrassed to tell his family of his failure and therefore uses his make-up skills to disguise himself and becomes a very convincing beggar to earn some coin. The beau (Edwin August) of his daughter (Mary Pickford) accidentally gives him a gold coin and in the kerfuffle his real identity is revealed...

A nice simple little film. Although the camerawork is very static, the little subtle touches and natural acting helps make the film very watchable and tells a good story.

Horror House (1969)

Swinging London hits slasher horror head on. Really this should be awful tosh (and many people will probably think it is) but... this film is brilliant!

A bunch of cool kids (well reasonably young adults anyway, and mostly not that cool) are having a groovy party which unfortunately is boring them. Chris (Frankie Avalon) leads them to an abandoned house out of town. However, as the kids are getting ready for a seance, Gary (Mark Wynter) is brutally murdered. Chris decides that they need to handle this themselves and so they bury Gary's body and seek to discover who committed the crime.

The viewer will of course suspect Bob (George Sewell) - definitely not a cool kid - who was having an affair with Sylvia (Gina Warwick) and was jealous when he saw Gary kiss her. However, it is soon clear there is something else going on...

The story doesn't really have much going for it being rather formulaic, the characters are mostly awful, the acting indifferent and the less we can say about the direction the better. However, somehow this film works and the slasher horror, though spare, does have an impact. Maybe it is the coolness of the setting in Swinging London, especially the interior furnishings of the various flats. A really enjoyable romp, despite everything.

Wonder Women (1973)

Completely incoherent, shamelessly exploitative and violent trash. I loved it obviously. 

Someone is kidnapping top athletes. In the Philippines, Harber (Ross Hagen) is hired to investigate the disappearance of one such athlete (whom we see captured by a number of young women and then taken away in a hearse). In fact this is a nefarious plot by Dr Tsu (Nancy Kwan) who is conducting medical experiments and plans to start doing brain transplants: transferring the brains of rich old people into young fit bodies...

Harber's investigation, which includes the seduction and long chase of one of Dr Tsu's henchwomen Linda (Maria De Aragon), takes him to the wonderfully Brutalist lair of Dr Tsu (which looks incredible, she doesn't look so bad either). Here he witnesses her twisted experiments and also indulges in a spot of brain sex with her. All hell is about to break loose of course...

A confusing film, especially in the last act which leaves many threads up in the air. Maybe they were expecting a sequel? Nothing really makes much sense and it is stacked high with 70s cheese and badly choreographed fights. You just wonder if the taxi driver (Vic Diaz) is still waiting for Harber on that island.

Warning from Space (1956)

A rather strange, sometimes charming but ultimately a bit dull science-fiction film.

Aliens visit Earth, their flying saucers flying over Tokyo. Unfortunately the aliens find, as they look like giant walking starfish with a single eye, cannot approach humans without sparking panic. The aliens indeed do want to desperately contact humanity as a giant meteor is heading to the Earth...

One of the starfish aliens therefore decides to disguise herself as a popular Japanese singer (Toyomi Karita)! Mankind is finally warned about the meteor and scientist Dr Kamura (Bontaro Miake) scrambles to develop a weapon to deflect it before it's too late. Things are complicated by enemy agents who want to use the weapon for themselves...

The film has a fair amount of Japanese whimsy though is a bit slow at times. The story is interesting if a bit vague at times, the aliens being the good guys a nice twist for a 1950s science-fiction film. 

Beaks! (1987)

A rather gruesome version of the "birds attacking humans" story, many pigeons were probably harmed bringing you this nonsense.

Why is unknown, and the way the film keeps jumping from random scene to random scene doesn't help, but birds have declared war on mankind. From the mightiest eagle to a budgerigar, they are all out to attack (with various degrees of devastation). TV reporter Vanessa (Michelle Johnson) and her cameraman Peter (Christopher Atkins) are sent to cover the attacks. Initially they are sceptical but soon they are fighting for their lives, even blowing up part of a train!

Meanwhile, highly successful hunter Arthur (Aldo Sambrell) - his house has more mounted skulls than walls, is hosting a childrens' party. What could go wrong? Much horror!

Rather gory and very ridiculous. It does have plenty of scary moments though. The effects are pretty well done, though in most cases it looks like pigeons were thrown at people. However, the story is rather poor and very disjointed. No explanation is given as to what is happening, and why very little is being done about it by the authorities. It isn't as bad as Birdemic: Shock & Terror, though that isn't a very high bar...

Speak Easily (1932)

Although best known as a silent movie comedy icon, this is a reasonable if not brilliant Buster Keaton talkie.

Shy academic Professor Potts (Keaton) thinks he has inherited a fortune, he thus decides to live life a little. Potts falls in love with a dancer called Pansy Peets (Ruth Selwyn), who is with a minor dance troupe led by James (Jimmy Durante). Potts funds the troupe to perform on Broadway. Unfortunately another actor, and a bit of a diva, in the form Eleanor (Thelma Todd) takes the part intended for Pansy. Somehow, despite Pott's meddling and the ensuring chaos, the show is a hit...

Completely unlike the energetic and highly physical silent movies Keaton made his name with, it isn't really that much of a comedy more a light hearted drama. It has plenty of good moments and humour but not quite enough to raise this much above the average though perfectly watchable.

Deadly Instincts (1997)

Yet another film about horny aliens who are lusting after Earth women.

A meteorite lands at a girl's school in Boston (which we know because of large signs everywhere which say BOSTON, even though it looks suspiciously like the other side of the Atlantic...)

Inside the meteorite is some kind of alien beast, who wants human women for breeding purposes. He obviously chose his landing point very well landing at a school full of horny teens. Student Louise (Samantha Womack) is fairly concerned for her missing friend, when she isn't sleeping with her teacher Ashley (Todd Jensen). Her friend unfortunately has become one of the alien's first victims. Ashley meanwhile is trying to find a young woman (Kadamba Simmons) who looks like she has escaped from an all-night goth club.

The police in the form of Moore (Oliver Tobias) is uninterested in talk of alien monsters, instead thinking Ashley is behind the disappearances. Soon however, he is also hunting the monster alongside Louise and Ashley in the rather remarkably complicated tunnels under the school...

A silly film. Filmed in the Isle of Man with a mostly British cast, who attempt their American accents with varying degrees of failure. Overall the film is a reasonable sci-fi horror and fairly exploitative (not a bad thing). It looks good though is lacking in the plot department. Enjoyable junk.

Gamera vs. Barugon (1966)

Has the mighty flying turtle met his match in a creature from New Guinea which has a freeze ray?

Hirata (Kojiro Hongo) and Onodera (Koji Fujiyama) head to New Guinea to retrieve a massive opal hidden during the war. They head into a scorpion filled cave despite the warnings of native girl Karen (Kyoko Enami) and indeed find the huge gem. However, Onodera decides he doesn't want to share anymore and tries to kill Hirata. He heads to Japan on his own. But the opal actually isn't, it is an egg. It hatches in Japan, the huge monster Barugon begins to wreck the usual kind of havoc.

Gamera is attracted by the mayhem and fights Barugon though is defeated by it's freeze ray. Hirata and Karen are now in Japan and help the military with various schemes to try and defeat Barugon, despite the treachery of Onodera. The schemes fall short but Gamera is revived just in time to fight Barugon in an epic final battle.

This is the usual Japanese monster movie fare, plenty of destruction, plenty of waddling monsters destroying buildings and tanks. Barugon's rainbow ray is a rather lovely effect. The jungle scenes and Onodea's antics add a bit more interest beyond the usual monster battles.

French Connection II (1975)

The sequel to the brilliant French Connection, the story continues a few years later as Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) continues his hunt for the drug baron Charnier (Fernando Rey). However, now Doyle has arrived in Marseilles where he is to work with (more or less) Inspector Henri Barthélémy (Bernard Fresson). Unbeknownst to Doyle he is really in France to act as bait to bring Charnier out into the open.

Doyle's relationship with the French police is rather fraught and he ends up a prisoner of Charnier. Kept in a dingy hotel for several weeks he is hooked on heroine. Finally, when back in police hands Doyle has to get over his addiction the hard way. This then sets the scene for a thrilling final fight and chase with Charnier.

A very good film, maybe not quite as good as the original though not far behind. The pacing seems a bit uneven and Doyle's lack of a sidekick (apart from Henri at times) means the film lacks some of the interplay of the first. The grime and squalor of New York is swapped for that of Marseilles. Different country but same old world of addiction and vice.

The Great St. Louis Bank Robbery (1959)

A reasonable (though not much more) bank robbery film with a touch of Noir about it.

Old blagger Egan (Crahan Denton) assembles a team to rob a bank in St. Louis. The team includes young George (Steve McQueen) as the getaway driver, although he has no experience in this kind of caper. While Egan begins to plan the heist intricately, there is a complication. George used to go out with the sister, Ann (Molly McCarthy) of his fellow bank robber Gino (David Clarke). When she sees Gino and George together, near a bank, she puts two and two together and makes five...

The film is a bit slow, though has plenty of atmosphere and some interesting and fairly dark asides including Egan explaining why he hates women so much. The action is pretty sparse though until the actual robbery near the end. The film was based on a real raid and some of the police and bank employees from the real case took part in this.

An interesting film but could have been more.

She (1935)

The search for eternal life, which apparently is in a mysterious lost world in the far North with a cast of thousands.

Leo Vincey (Randolph Scott) is recruited by Holly (Nigel Bruce) for a strange expedition. Vincey is told that his ancestor discovered the secret of eternal life, though died (so not sure how useful this secret must be?) Leo Vincey and Holly head to the Arctic. They are hustled by Dugmore (Lumsden Hare) to take him and his dogsbody daughter Tanya (Helen Mack) with them. After Dugmore dies in an avalanche, the entrance to a mysterious world is revealed. A world under the rule of a ruthless queen (Helen Gahagen) and characters in every possible combination of "ancient" outfit imaginable, She who be obeyed.

She is immortal and has loved the original Vincey for hundreds of years, thinking Leo is that man and has finally come back to to her. She says she will share the secret of eternal life with Leo though the fate of Tanya, with whom Leo has fallen in love, is less wholesome...

Highly dramatic fun, the kind of massive opulent production Hollywood used to love. The final ceremony scene does go on a little too long though is spectacular. With all the over dramatic nonsense going on all around, the oddly expressionless Randolph Scott really stands out! 

The Wizard (1989)

A charming if somewhat troubling film. Poor Jimmy (Luke Edwards) is a troubled kid, bad affected by his broken family. He keeps trying to run away to "California", finally his brother Corey (Fred Savage) helps him get out of his children's home. After meeting Haley (Jenny Lewis), who also seems to be wandering around small town America without anyone batting an eyelid, they discover that Jimmy is ace at video games so plan to head to LA to take part in a lucrative video game competition...

Complicating matters is that a creepy lost child hunter (Will Seltzer) has been sent after them, though amusingly Haley accuses him of being a child molester to get them out of one jam. Jimmy and Corey's father Sam (Beau Bridges) and big half-brother Nick (Christian Slater) are also after them...

So, a fun children's adventure in some ways, and a feature length Nintendo advert. However, the film does include a number of adult themes and in reality the kids would have probably ended up dead (or worse). But if you just enjoy the fantasy for what it is then it's a very enjoyable film.

Daleks - Invasion Earth 2150 A.D. (1966)

Peter Cushing returns as this non-canon version of Dr Who. After young police constable Tom (Bernard Cribbins) stumbles into the Tardis, Dr Who and his companions Susan (Roberta Tovey) and Louise (Jill Curzon) head into the future. To 2150AD in fact, London appears to be a grim hole full of ruins, sure it wasn't the 1970s?

Dr Who and company quickly discover the reason for the devastation is the Daleks! The Daleks have invaded Earth and conquered humanity. Dr Who joins a resistance movement and fights the Daleks alongside David (Ray Brooks) but everything points to Bedfordshire and a mysterious hole the Daleks are having dug in the ground...

This is quite a strange film, campy and light in feel with a jazzy soundtrack but also a huge bodycount. The Daleks and their robot slaves seem rather easy to defeat (a tarpaulin is enough to defeat one Dalek!) Although set in the future, everyone dresses like... well in the 1960s. A fun watch if odd.

Dick Barton Strikes Back (1949)

Fast moving, and bonkers, spy capers.

Secret Agent Dick Barton (Don Stannard) and his partner Snowey White (Bruce Walker) uncover a plot (by dastardly foreigners of course, led by the devious Sebastien Cabot) to kill everyone in the kingdom using a sonic weapon. The plotters have a secret leader (who is so obvious it is laughable). Dick and Snowey, who seem to operate by bungling their way into one dangerous situation after another, are assisted by the tragic Tina (Jean Lodge). A final showdown and heroic fight by Dick takes place atop the Blackpool Tower!

This is very early-post war British stuff, plucky and ridiculous in equal measure. It is a very Boy's Own Adventure with straight forward plotting and very one dimensional characters. It's fun and exciting, and should be enjoyed for what it is.

Rescue Me (1992)

What on Earth is going on in this film? Nerdy Fraser (Stephen Dorff) is obsessed with Ginny (Ami Dolenz) at High School, so much so that he takes lots of photos of her and stalks her on his moped, its ok though this film takes place in the early 1990s when being a stalker of High School girls was cool. 

However, everything changes when Fraser accidentally stumbles upon some kind of criminal activity involving two dumb thugs and another thug and Ginny ends up kidnapped by the two thugs (William Lucking and Peter DeLuise).

Fraser blackmails the other thug, Mack (Michael Dudikoff), a former Vietnam vet to rescue Ginny. Mack wants to get back his stamps and/or his cash from the thugs. Fraser and Mack follow the pair across America to California, just a bungled attempt to stop them, a shoot-out in a hotel, and a car chase along mountain roads to report. Fraser and Mack begin to bond and Mack introduces Fraser to the joys to sleeping on beaches and with teenage prostitutes. Ginny meanwhile has escaped her hapless captors in Los Angeles but Fraser and Mack are in town too...

Quite a ridiculous film which makes little sense though is definitely fun in the great trash film tradition. The film is played pretty light, almost comedic though most of the humour is unintentional of course. Low on thrills, high on early 90s cheese.

Virgin Witch (1972)

A very good film, a 1970s supernatural horror with lots (and lots) of nudity. Sisters Christine (Ann Michelle) and Betty (Vicki Michelle) run away to London to seek their fortune as models, despite the warnings from Johnny (Keith Buckley) who befriends them (and has more than friendship in mind with Betty). Christine gets work with Sybil (Patricia Haynes), who obviously lusts for her, and the girls get invited to a remote country house for a photo shoot.

There, Christine discovers that the master of the house, Gerald (Neil Hallett) is a witch and heads a coven with Sybil the high priestess. She joins the coven and immediately uses her powers to take over. Putting everyone, including Johnny who has managed to track them down, under her power...

There isn't a great deal of horror though there is a lot of sex and nudity. The story is straight forward and moves along a pace with plenty left unanswered at the end.