Indiscreet (1931)

Gloria Swanson warbles to good effect in this fairly light romantic comedy.

Geri (Gloria) breaks up with Jim (Monroe Owsley) on New Year's Eve, his infidelities and probably his golf too being too much for her. Geri soon meets novelist Tony (Ben Lyon) and falls in love, Tony doesn't want to know about the man in Geri's past and wants to remain ignorant. All is fine until Geri's sister Joan (Barbara Kent) turns up with her new man... Jim!

An enjoyable film, pre-code and quite racy for the times too such as when Gloria shows a bit of leg in the shower! The dialogue is a little awkward at times as in many early talkies though it does give a bit of a natural feel. Gloria sings a few songs too. A fun and enjoyable film.

You'll also fall in love with some of the interior sets, and the furniture!

Shock Waves (1977)

They may plod a bit but these Nazi SS zombie super soldiers certainly provide plenty of scares.

The Captain (John Carradine) has bought a group of tourists along in his rusty old tub of a boat. When his boat runs into troubles and hits a mysterious derelict ship, the Captain is killed and the crew and passengers escape to a nearby island. On the island they discover a hermit who becomes very agitated when he learns of the derelict ship. Apparently the hermit is an SS Commander (Peter Cushing) and the ship was supposed to be trapped on the sea bed with it's cargo of zombie SS stormtroopers!

Those zombie SS are emerging from the sea and begin to kill the survivors one by one. The SS Commander tells them the zombies are uncontrollable and have an insatiable need to kill. A battle for survival ensues.

The zombie SS are rather slow moving but undeniably creepy, they are also unstoppable and relentless. The survivors including Brooke Adams and Fred Buch are varying degrees of annoying but play their part in this rather decent zombie horror.

The Flying Scotsman (1929)

An enjoyable early talkie, so early in fact that it starts off as a silent movie but the dialogue is turned on about half way through!

Bob White, the driver (Moore Marriott) of the Flying Scotsman (the actual LNER 4472) is about to retire after making one more run along the East Coast Main Line (the actual train is called the Flying Scotsman too as well as the locomotive!) His former fireman Crow (Alec Hurley) is resentful as he was sacked after White saw him drinking and reported him. He vows revenge. Meanwhile, the driver's daughter Joan (Pauline Johnson) falls for a cocky young railway worker called Jim (Ray Milland). White doesn't want him around his daughter though hasn't seen him, which is just as well as Jim is his new fireman!

Joan overhears Crow's plan to cause an accident and follows him onto the train. What follows are some death defying stunts (by the actors themselves) hanging onto the side of the moving train. Can disaster be averted?

The film begins as a silent movie but about half way through it changes to a sound one (one of the earlieest British ones). It is quite a strange effect, film technology was moving fast in 1929 but there obviously wasn't the time and/or money to reshoot the first half of the film as sound. This is an enjoyable adventure with some exciting scenes and humour. The true star is Flying Scotsman of course, which to this day draws a huge crowd. Its also Ray Milland's first credited role.

Phantom Killer (1943)

A superb crime mystery with plenty of suspense.

When an industrialist is murdered, there is a prime suspect seen and heard at the crime scene by the janitor (Mantan Moreland). However, the fingering of philanthropist Harrison (John Hamilton) has a snag: he is deaf and dumb and was also seen at a society event at the same time. Assistant DA Clark (Dick Purcell) is convinced Harrison is the man though, especially when other murders occur. But how does he do it? Finding out could spell danger for Clark's reporter girlfriend Barbara (Joan Woodbury)... 

Well if you have seen enough crime stories you'll have a good idea how someone can appear in be in two places at once. This is an excellent crime film with plenty of suspense and danger. Low budget doesn't have to been low thrills after all.

The story is largely a remake of the 1930s film The Sphinx.

Stranger from Venus (1954)

A fairly dreary though not uninteresting science-fiction film.

After flying saucers are spotted, a mysterious stranger (Helmut Dantine) appears in a small town. He speaks rather strangely, has no pulse and has the power to health illnesses and injuries including those of Susan (Patricia Neal) who is in a car crash. The stranger says he is from Venus and warns the Earthlings that their nuclear weapons threatens everyone in the solar system...

The film is very heavily based on The Day the Earth Stood Still (which also starred Patricia Neal!) The film has an interesting plot though plods along without much energy though it does have some other worldly menace. The location of the film is rather confusing, although British made it appears to be set somewhere else. Where that somewhere else is unknown, it's probably not Venus though!

Sunset Strip (1985)

A rather generic 1980s action film, for 80s nostalgia though this can't be beat.

Mark (Tom Eplin) is a photographer (taking photos of breakdancers) and who pays his land lady with sex. He helps his friend Roger (John Mayall) against the mob led by Moran (Danny Williams) who are targeting his LA rock club where Mark's ex Carol (Cheri Cameron Newell) sings. Moran wants to use it as a front for his prostitution racket. When the mob kill Roger, Mark is framed for the murder and the police are after him as well. Mark discovers that the mob has a link in the police too...

There isn't much to recommend on this film as a piece of work. It is rather poorly made and acted, the story is basic and padded out with filler including Mark riding his motorbike a lot. As with most bad movies though Sunset Strip is hugely enjoyable for the wrong reasons. The film also has lots of gratuitous female nudity (of course).

The film is incredibly 80s. If you grew up in those times you will certainly feel nostalgic.

Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1976)

The third of the Confessions films, this time Tim and Sid open a driving school, much female nudity follows...

Tim (Robin Askwith) passes his test to become a driving instructor (by bonking his female examiner of course). He and Sid (Anthony Booth) open a driving school next door to a rival led by the rather deranged Truscott (Windsor Davis). Naturally most of the pupils appear to be sex starved women whom Tim has to instruct (in various ways!)

There isn't really much plot to this, its more a series of saucy sexcapades with gratuitous nudity, nonsensical comedy situations and crude innuendo. Its brilliant of course!

A very funny film and maybe the best in the series, its not high art for sure but has its own special kind of genius. Some very good comedy turns including by Irene Handl make this highly enjoyable if you are broad minded enough.

Freckles Comes Home (1942)

Played light, this is an enjoyable crime drama that doesn't take itself very seriously.

Freckles (Johnny Downs) has returned to his small town from college, unbeknownst to him the guy (Walter Sande) sat next to him on the bus and who he persuaded to also stay in town is a gangster called Dolan on the run! Freckles discovers that his father (Irving Mitchell) has financial troubles but is too proud to end his feud with the town banker (John Ince) to enable a new road to be built to boost the town's (and Freckles' family's fortunes).

Dolan offers to help Freckles by bringing in his financier friend (Bradley Page). However, this friend Quigley is really here to plan how to rob the bank! Meanwhile, the family servant Jeff (Mantan Moreland) has a scam involving a machine that can apparently detect gold and he tries to trick Quigley's chauffeur Roxbury B Brown the Third (Laurence Criner)! While all this is going on can the romance between Freckles and old flame Jane (Gale Storm) blossom?

An enjoyable film with plenty of storyline packed in (maybe a little too much to be honest). The film can be a little confusing at times with so many plot elements clashing, some of the characters are also a bit one dimensional. It's well worth a watch though, the comedy scenes with Moreland and Criner are superb.

Dark Manhattan (1937)

A great example of the "race movie", and the first all black cast film to come out of Hollywood.

Larry Lee (Clarence Brooks), a banker in the numbers racket in Harlem, recruits cocky up and coming thug Curly (Ralph Cooper) to join his gang. Curly soon becomes Lee's main man, and when Lee needs to take time off for his health Curly is the obvious choice to take over. 

But Curly isn't content with keeping things steady, he has ambitious plans and unleashes his men on rival bankers across the city, smashing up properties and muscling in on the other banker's territories. He also muscles in on Lee's squeeze Flo (Cleo Herndon). But the other bankers arn't ready to just sit back and let Curly take over...

A very enjoyable film despite the rather basic and unoriginal plot (which is fine when it's done as well as this). The story proceeds apace and with plenty of purpose. The film is enlivened by Cooper's charismatic presence in every scene he was in. The other star of the film was Lee's amazing drinks cabinet, as soon as you see it you'll want one in your own house.

Master Ninja II (1984)

The Master was an American TV show about an old ninja, it didn't run for very long but some of the episodes were put together to create TV movies.

So, this is basically episode 3 and 4 of the TV series. No attempt is made to make the join between the two episodes seamless by the way, which is quite funny. Lee Van Cleef plays McAllister, an Army veteran who became the only gaijin ninja master in Japan. However, he is now in the US with his young apprentice Max (Timothy Van Patten) looking for McAllister's daughter, trying to avoid being killed by other ninjas, and fighting injustice (of course!)

In the first story, McAllister and Max help Carrie (Crystal Bernard) with her fight against a corrupt company boss, who was involved in her brother's death. The second story involves terrorists and secret agents and includes guest appearances from George Lazenby (who wears a tuxedo throughout of course) and David McCallum.

Watching this you can see why this only lasted for thirteen episodes on TV. Van Cleef isn't a very convincing ninja master if we are going to be honest. The story is often quite generic 1980s US TV action show but is fun enough if not taken very seriously.

Moon Zero Two (1969)

While mankind was reaching the Moon for real, this film explored what might be happening there in a few decades time: salvaging junk, drinking awful booze in Moon based saloon bars and having purple hair.

Kemp (James Olson) is a former hero astronaut (the first man on Mars) but is now relegated to flying a worn out old ferry and salvaging broken satellites. He is hired by mega rich JJ Hubbard (Warren Mitchell) for a secret and fairly illegal job: force an asteroid that is basically a giant sapphire to crash on the Moon so it can be much easily mined. Kemp, in need of cash, carries this out.

But meanwhile Clem (Catherine Shell) has arrived on the Moon and also need Kemp's help to find her missing Moon miner brother. As he helps her he finds himself drawn into JJ Hubbard's darker and much more deadly plan...

This really is a great film, great fun and action from start to finish. The limited special effects do not detract from the story (and indeed were not that bad for the day anyway). Surely a film that can bring you Bernard Bresslaw as a hired thug in a spacesuit can only be great?!

Portland Exposé (1957)

A tough crime caper told in semi-documentary style.

Tavern owner George (Edward Binns) is leaned on by the mob to fill his place with gambling machines and pinball. Helpless against the ruthless syndicate he agrees but when a mobster tries to rape his daughter (Carolyn Craig), George vows to bring the mob down. He teams up with the authorities to get enough evidence to bring the syndicate down which means putting himself at extreme risk as he rises up the ranks of the syndicate...

This isn't a bad film at all with some Noir-ish touches including the rather brutal disposal of a corpse. The story can grind to a halt at times but the danger to George will keep your interest.

Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

A dubious Merlin unleashes horrors on a grandchild's mind.

When a power cut stops his grandson (Mark Hurtado) watching TV, granddad (Ernest Borgnine) tells him a couple of horror stories involving Merlin (George Milan) and his shop of horrors... i mean mystical wonders. In the first story a sneering newspaper critic (John Terrence) visits Merlin's shop to have a sneer. He is given a book of spells by Merlin to help him believe in him. The critic tries out the magic and unleashes all sorts of demonic and hellish magic on the world and himself.

In the second story a little monkey toy is bought by David (Bob Mendelsohn), unfortunately this toy is possessed by dark magic and when it plays the drums deaths occur. Starting with a goldfish and soon progressing to humans too...

Although the stories are not too original they are well done though they seem rather dark for a grandfather to tell a young boy! The moral from the story seems to be Merlin should be locked up! Although quite cheesy at times this is a perfectly enjoyable B-movie horror. You do wonder though if this film is indeed aimed at children or aimed at mentally scarring them?

Crime Smasher (1943)

Fast moving comedy crime fighting antics.

Cosmo Jones (Frank Graham) has done a correspondence course in criminology and now he thinks the police will find his expertise invaluable, the head of the police Murphy (Edgar Kennedy) does not seem very keen though! Meanwhile, socialite Phyllis Blake (Gwen Kenyon) is hanging out with a gang leader but a rival gang kidnap her. Can Cosmo Jones save the woman before he annoys Murphy too much and gets arrested himself?

A fun film with Mantan Moreland helping out with the comedy. The film moves along fairly swiftly and has an enjoyable if not overly taxing story. 

Cosmo Jones was a popular radio character (also portrayed by Frank Graham) and it's likely a long-running movie series was hoped starring this quirky character, but as it turned out only this film was made.

Confessions of a Pop Performer (1975)

The second in the Confessions series of sex comedies, this one is a real riot from start to end (sometimes literally).

Tim (Robin Askwith) is still working for his brother-in-law Sidney (Anthony Booth) as a window cleaner / sex toy of bored housewives. Sidney has a new business idea, getting into the pop music business. He finds an unsigned band (who are pretty awful) but uses Tim to seduce a music promotor's (Bob Todd) wife (Jill Gascoine) to help get the band on the road to stardom... with Tim as the drummer...

It may be pretty low-brow in many ways, and includes a lot of female nudity and sex but this is a genuinely funny film with a good deal of slapstick farce, saucy smut and nonsense. Some good comedy talent including Ian Lavender and Bill Maynard are on hand to make the film a great deal of fun and very watchable. 

Of it's time, not that bad a time to be honest.

Robot Holocaust (1987)

The post-apocalypse has never been more dangerous... or boring.

It is the post-apocalypse on a planet called New Terra (even though a rather intact Manhattan is clearly visible in some of the outside shots and Central Park in others). People in rags fight and die until the evil rule of Dark One and his robot army, led by the incredibly campy and over the top Valaria (Angelica Jager).

Neo (Norris Culf) arrives at this hell on ..er.. New Terra and is persuaded to help Deeja (Nadine Hartstein) rescue her scientist father Klyton (J. Buzz von Ornsteiner) from the Dark One as he has invented a weapon to finally defeat the Dark One. Neo assembles a mixed crew of scantily clad heroes and an annoying robot to face a series of dangers and quite a few rather inept fights.

The plot alone means this film won't be a cinematic classic but films like New Barbarians had ropey plots too but were still great fun to watch. The main problem with Robot Holocaust is that it is all so lifeless and dreary. Fights are slow and pointless, the characters move between somewhat similar looking though apparently completely different areas of the "wasteland" slowly for no reason. It is a terrible film, one of the worst ever. It is however, well worth watching for Angelica Jager alone. An astonishing performance is more ways than one.

Mesa of Lost Women (1953)

A rather mediocre mad science horror, the only really scary thing is the soundtrack.

Scientist Aranya (Jackie Coogan) (and as this is a movie he is of course a mad scientist) is conducting twisted human experiments using spider venom to create a race of indestructible and obedient women. Another scientist called Dr Masterson (Harmon Stevens) discovers the vile experiments and is driven insane. He escapes the asylum and forces a group of people including Richard Travis and Paula Hill back to Aranya's bizarre desert lair...

This isn't a very good film. It's very slow moving and dull though does have some enjoyable science weirdness and 1950s style sleazy exotica. 

The main problem with this film though is the soundtrack, a short piece of music which is on continuous repeat throughout the movie and will make you irritable and on edge after five minutes.

The Mystery of the Hooded Horsemen (1937)

Standard but well made B-movie Western adventures.

Tex Ritter encounters a dying man who has just been shot by a gang of masked thugs. Tex and Stubby (Horace Murphy) head to check a gold mine which the Sheriff and locals seem to want to keep people away from. Tex infiltrates the gang of Hooded Horsemen but is discovered and only just manages to escape. 

Who is the ringleader of the gang, can Tex find out before he either gets shot by the gang or arrested by the law?

This is a decent film, though apart from the bad guys in black masks there isn't anything you will have already seen in dozens of other B-movie Westerns. It has the usual fast horseriding, gun fights, a fight in a saloon and a few songs by Tex! 

Nancy Wilson provides the (another staple of these films) love interest.

The American Angels: Baptism of Blood (1990)

Ah this sounds like it could be a tough and gritty film from the violent world of wrestling, actually no this is a largely bloodless though frequently soft core bit of sexploitation.

Lisa (Jan Sebastian) is one of a number of girls who want to train to become wrestlers and join the American Angels organisation. Lisa has a secret though, her grandfather was Killer Kane (Robert D Bergen), notorious for killing someone in the ring. Luckily Lisa doesn't follow in his footsteps, yet. She is desperate to fight the champion Mimi (Mimi Lesseos) and will even seduce the show owner Diamond Dave (Tray Loren) to get her shot. As Diamond and Mimi are a couple this adds extra spice to the final showdown...

OK its fairly obvious who this film is aimed at, it's full of scantily clad fit and toned young women getting sweaty (so not all bad then). Despite all sexploitation nonsense, it isn't that bad a film and has some decent in ring action, assisted by real wrestlers like Susan Sexton. 

Not great but could have been a lot worse.

Galaxina (1980)

A campy science-fiction comedy that unfortunately isn't that funny.

A police space cruiser captained by Captain Butt (Avery Schreiber) - the name features in a number of jokes, as does Uranus, thats the level of humour here - is sent into deep space to discover a jewel called the Blue Star which contains unimaginable power. 

His crew are mostly misfits except for gorgeous android Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten) who basically runs the ship. Indeed the rest of the crew seem more interested in getting stoned and getting their legs over with either alien prostitutes with three breasts or Galaxian herself...

The film meanders along fairly amicably, the weirdness keeps you interested. In some ways this film reminds me of Dark Star, though this film is no where near as good or funny. It needed to be a bit more subtle. 

It's watchable, pretty ridiculous but could have been so much more.

Take an Easy Ride (1976)

What starts out as what appears to be a public information film on the dangers of hitch hiking soon becomes something much much darker indeed...

A number of stories of young girls hitch hiking are intertwined, the most notable being the one with Margaret Heald and Helen Bernat who want to go to a pop festival. Unfortunately, they accept a lift from a leather glove wearing porn obsessed pervert who ends up taking them into the woods and brutally raping them. Another hitch hiker accepts a lift from a posh couple in an expensive car and ends up becoming their drugged up sex toy in a hotel...

The abruptness of the film from interviewing foreign students to savage sex crimes is nearly as shocking as the actual crimes. It is grubby, exploitative though for a nostalgic look at the roads, cars and music of the 1970s it surely scores. But you'll probably feel like you need a wash afterwards.

The Night the World Exploded (1957)

Low budget though not low interest science fiction.

Dr Conway (William Leslie) has developed a machine that can predict earthquakes. Unfortunately he has predicted that an earthquake is about to hit California in the next twenty four hours and even more unfortunately his machine appears to work when a quake does hit!

Conway's machine detects more imminent earthquakes but doesn't know what is causing these quakes. With his assistant Laura (Kathryn Grant), he descends into a cavern to see if he can discover the cause. He discovers a dangerous new element which could destroy the world in days...

This is a bit of a pedestrian film that takes a while to get going but ultimately is worth persevering with. An fairly intelligent science-fiction plot (for the period especially) and good use of stock footage overcomes the shortcomings with the budget. A reasonable little film.