Candles at Nine (1944)

A sometimes silly but interesting crime drama.

An old rich man (Eliot Makeham), who in the best traditions of the movies is mean and spiteful, is about to announce who is the sole beneficiary in his will to his assembled family and staff. However, he dies in mysterious circumstances before he can tell them. When his will be revealed, everyone is shocked to find young actress Dorothea Capper (Jessie Matthews) is not only his niece but also gets everything!

This enrages the old man's maid (Beatrix Lehmann) who wants the money for herself. She first tries to intimidate Dorothea out of claiming her inheritance then, when that fails, plans to kill her. Luckily Dorothea has an ex-detective (John Stewart) on hand to help and advise her...

A fun little film that doesn't take itself seriously, indeed at times it resembles a bit of a send-up of the mystery house genre. The light antics can be taken a little too far and the film does include a song and dance routine (which is mercifully brief). A decent and well flowing film if sometimes a bit annoying. Look-out for Patricia Hayes in one of her earliest roles.

Carry on Spying (1964)

The dark and dangerous world of international espionage... for laughs.

STENCH (Society for the Total Extinction of Non-Conforming Humans) have stolen a top secret chemical formula. Unfortunately the only agent available to try and retrieve the formula is bumbling Simpkins (Kenneth Williams) and his three trainees (Barbaras Windsor, Charles Hawtrey and Bernard Cribbins). The four are sent to Vienna to look for the STENCH agents Fat Man and the Milk Man and link up with Carstairs (Jim Dale) to help, unfortunately they prove much more of a hinderance than a help!

Following more hijinks in Algiers and on a train, the four agents end up with the formula but also prisoners of STENCH and the evil Dr Crow (Judith Furse). Can they somehow save the day and foil the evil STENCH?

This is a great send-up of the 1960s spy genre, its packed full of satirical references to other films and TV series. It also has the usual double entrendres, campy humour and a bit of sauce. Not quite the best Carry On film, it lacks the energy and slapstick of the series at it's height, but certainly a good film and pretty funny.

Confessions from a Holiday Camp (1977)

The last of the Confessions series, either completely hilarious or utterly dated drivel depending on your point of view.

Timmy (Robin Askwith) and his brother-in-law Sidney (Anthony Booth) are still at it, "it" being sleeping with as many young women as possible. They are now working at a grim holiday camp, obviously this gives them plenty of opportunities. 

But then the camp is taking over by Whitemonk (John Junkin), a former prison governor, who thinks a holiday camp should be run using iron discipline. Naturally he disapproves of Timmy and Sidney. However, Sidney has the great idea of holiday a beauty contest...

This film is crude, sexist and vulgar. The humour is dated, obvious and repetitive. I loved it. This is one of the funniest films around. It is one of the final glorious examples of British saucy comedy and working class culture that was soon to be swept away by the uncertainty of the 1980s, enjoy (a bit of) it while you can.

Silent Trigger (1996)

A surprisingly good action film.

A sniper (Dolph Lundgren) and his spotter (Gina Bellman) are on a secret mission to kill a foreign politician but their mission fails when Dolph hesitates and they are on the run. We will continue to see their escape in flashback throughout the rest of the film. But we next see a half-finished skyscraper. Dolph infiltrates the guarded site while Gina goes in while pretending to be an IT support engineer.   

Dolph and Gina are on a new sniping mission but have a few hours to set things up. However, there are complications including the coke fiend and sex addict guard O'Hara (Christopher Heyerdahl) who is after Gina's body. Dolph is also a target himself by the unnamed secret agency, Gina has been tasked to kill him but if she fails then the agency has a plan B...

This isn't a mindless action film, although when there is action it is good and pretty bloody. What the film does have is a lot of character building and reflection by Dolph on his dangerous and ultimately doomed lifestyle. Excellent and engaging.

1984 (1956)

The George Orwell classic, remember Big Brother is watching you.

In a future dystopia, Britain is now ruled by a totalitarian regime which ruthlessly controls it's citizens via propaganda, rewritten histories and facts and endless lies (backed up by secret police and torture if that doesn't work!) Winston Smith (Edmond O'Brien) is a low level functionary of the regime whose job is to rewrite history to reflect the "truth" which Big Brother wants. However, in a land where love is forbidden (unless it is for Big Brother) he rebels by falling in love with fellow regime officer Julia (Jan Sterling).

The pair maintain their secret affair away from the prying eyes of Big Brother, they also get recruited by high ranking official O'Connor (Michael Redgrave) who apparently is part of an underground resistance. Unfortunately, this is a lie too, Winston and Julia are arrested and end up being brutally tortured and reconditioned. What will happen when they meet again?

A bleak and brutal tale, a crushing and cruel tale always under the watchful eye of Big Brother. It couldn't come true of course, well it hasn't yet anyway. 

Doctor in Clover (1966)

Traditional British comedy in a hospital, maybe this is like a prototype Grey's Anatomy?

Dr Grimsdyke (Leslie Phillips) is released from prison (where he was the prison doctor not a convict!) He is immediately snatched up by Sir Lancelot Spratt (James Robertson Justice) to work in his hospital. Grimsdyke is fairly uninterested in this, though interested in French physiotherapist Jeannine (Elizabeth Ercy) a lot! 

Meanwhile, a new matron (Joan Sims) has arrived at the hospital and has begun a reign of terror. Sir Lancelot thinks the iron maiden can be melted with a love interest and gets Grimsdyke to try and hook her up, though he didn't think that he would be the one Grimsdyke would get Matron interested in!

So, this is a silly comedy in the great British way. We get lots of farces, a little bit of innuendo and plenty of light humour. It is all nonsense of course but very silly inoffensive fun. Don't expect much in the way of medical realism, do expect people being accidentally injected up the backside.

The Salamander (1981)

Not quite as good as it could have been but this is an engaging and complex thriller.

A number of prominent figures in Italian society have been murdered. Police officer Dante (Franco Nero) investigates the murders which are linked by a calling card of the figure of a salamander. Dante begins to unravel a fascist plot to stage a coup and now his life and that of Lili (Sybil Danning) is in danger...

This film has a great cast including Anthony Quinn and Christopher Lee though at times can be a bit hard going. The storyline is complicated but lacks the right amount of energy and dynamism to make this compelling and not a bit of a slog. The film is worth seeing though for the good performances and the intrigue which can be down right dark at times, especially in the torture scenes.

Climb up the Wall (1960)

Some very strange stuff, it must have been cool in 1960 (well you would hope anyway).

A rather surreal and formless variety show hosted by cardigan and tie wearing Jack Jackson. It jumps between comedy sketches and oddness and some music performances including by George Calypso Browne, some of which are pretty good as well. File footage including Elvis in US Army uniform is also included. 

It is all light nonsense (incredibly it was directed by Michael Winner of all people) and can be hard going at times being rather cringe worthy. However, if you give it a chance then it can be fun (sometimes even intentionally), and fascinating at the same time. 

The Flying Scotsman (1929)

An enjoyable early talkie, so early in fact that it starts off as a silent movie but the dialogue is turned on about half way through!

Bob White, the driver (Moore Marriott) of the Flying Scotsman (the actual LNER 4472) is about to retire after making one more run along the East Coast Main Line (the actual train is called the Flying Scotsman too as well as the locomotive!) His former fireman Crow (Alec Hurley) is resentful as he was sacked after White saw him drinking and reported him. He vows revenge. Meanwhile, the driver's daughter Joan (Pauline Johnson) falls for a cocky young railway worker called Jim (Ray Milland). White doesn't want him around his daughter though hasn't seen him, which is just as well as Jim is his new fireman!

Joan overhears Crow's plan to cause an accident and follows him onto the train. What follows are some death defying stunts (by the actors themselves) hanging onto the side of the moving train. Can disaster be averted?

The film begins as a silent movie but about half way through it changes to a sound one (one of the earlieest British ones). It is quite a strange effect, film technology was moving fast in 1929 but there obviously wasn't the time and/or money to reshoot the first half of the film as sound. This is an enjoyable adventure with some exciting scenes and humour. The true star is Flying Scotsman of course, which to this day draws a huge crowd. Its also Ray Milland's first credited role.

Stranger from Venus (1954)

A fairly dreary though not uninteresting science-fiction film.

After flying saucers are spotted, a mysterious stranger (Helmut Dantine) appears in a small town. He speaks rather strangely, has no pulse and has the power to health illnesses and injuries including those of Susan (Patricia Neal) who is in a car crash. The stranger says he is from Venus and warns the Earthlings that their nuclear weapons threatens everyone in the solar system...

The film is very heavily based on The Day the Earth Stood Still (which also starred Patricia Neal!) The film has an interesting plot though plods along without much energy though it does have some other worldly menace. The location of the film is rather confusing, although British made it appears to be set somewhere else. Where that somewhere else is unknown, it's probably not Venus though!

Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1976)

The third of the Confessions films, this time Tim and Sid open a driving school, much female nudity follows...

Tim (Robin Askwith) passes his test to become a driving instructor (by bonking his female examiner of course). He and Sid (Anthony Booth) open a driving school next door to a rival led by the rather deranged Truscott (Windsor Davis). Naturally most of the pupils appear to be sex starved women whom Tim has to instruct (in various ways!)

There isn't really much plot to this, its more a series of saucy sexcapades with gratuitous nudity, nonsensical comedy situations and crude innuendo. Its brilliant of course!

A very funny film and maybe the best in the series, its not high art for sure but has its own special kind of genius. Some very good comedy turns including by Irene Handl make this highly enjoyable if you are broad minded enough.

Moon Zero Two (1969)

While mankind was reaching the Moon for real, this film explored what might be happening there in a few decades time: salvaging junk, drinking awful booze in Moon based saloon bars and having purple hair.

Kemp (James Olson) is a former hero astronaut (the first man on Mars) but is now relegated to flying a worn out old ferry and salvaging broken satellites. He is hired by mega rich JJ Hubbard (Warren Mitchell) for a secret and fairly illegal job: force an asteroid that is basically a giant sapphire to crash on the Moon so it can be much easily mined. Kemp, in need of cash, carries this out.

But meanwhile Clem (Catherine Shell) has arrived on the Moon and also need Kemp's help to find her missing Moon miner brother. As he helps her he finds himself drawn into JJ Hubbard's darker and much more deadly plan...

This really is a great film, great fun and action from start to finish. The limited special effects do not detract from the story (and indeed were not that bad for the day anyway). Surely a film that can bring you Bernard Bresslaw as a hired thug in a spacesuit can only be great?!

Confessions of a Pop Performer (1975)

The second in the Confessions series of sex comedies, this one is a real riot from start to end (sometimes literally).

Tim (Robin Askwith) is still working for his brother-in-law Sidney (Anthony Booth) as a window cleaner / sex toy of bored housewives. Sidney has a new business idea, getting into the pop music business. He finds an unsigned band (who are pretty awful) but uses Tim to seduce a music promotor's (Bob Todd) wife (Jill Gascoine) to help get the band on the road to stardom... with Tim as the drummer...

It may be pretty low-brow in many ways, and includes a lot of female nudity and sex but this is a genuinely funny film with a good deal of slapstick farce, saucy smut and nonsense. Some good comedy talent including Ian Lavender and Bill Maynard are on hand to make the film a great deal of fun and very watchable. 

Of it's time, not that bad a time to be honest.

Take an Easy Ride (1976)

What starts out as what appears to be a public information film on the dangers of hitch hiking soon becomes something much much darker indeed...

A number of stories of young girls hitch hiking are intertwined, the most notable being the one with Margaret Heald and Helen Bernat who want to go to a pop festival. Unfortunately, they accept a lift from a leather glove wearing porn obsessed pervert who ends up taking them into the woods and brutally raping them. Another hitch hiker accepts a lift from a posh couple in an expensive car and ends up becoming their drugged up sex toy in a hotel...

The abruptness of the film from interviewing foreign students to savage sex crimes is nearly as shocking as the actual crimes. It is grubby, exploitative though for a nostalgic look at the roads, cars and music of the 1970s it surely scores. But you'll probably feel like you need a wash afterwards.

The Christmas Tree (1975)

There isn't much to this short film. The tale of a tinsel Christmas tree that is taken to a home, stands watch over Christmas and is then binned and burnt (and goes to Christmas tree heaven!)

This tree has a face (Julian Chagrin) however, but the family do not seem to notice this oddity. It is a charming but somewhat odd film, and i love it. As a child of the 1970s, the most dear Christmas time to me was the mid-1970s when it was still a wonder to me and not a chore. The true magic of Christmas is there. Coming down to the tree all excited on Christmas morning to get my new toys. Luckily our trees didn't have faces, or die for that matter as it was made of plastic tinsel. 

So, this is a great little oddity of a film and the best Christmas film i've ever seen (though to be honest that isn't saying much as the genre is usually pretty awful). Anyway Merry Christmas!

Carry on Christmas (1969)

The Carry On team do a Christmas Carol... and er... Frankenstein and Dracula for some reason.

Scrooge (Sid James) makes the life of Cratchit (Bernard Bresslaw) a misery. Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas past (Charles Hawtrey) and present (Barbara Windsor). We then get a rather odd horror film pastiche involving Dr Frank N Stein (Terry Scott) and then a pantomime. It is all rather strange and all rather awful...

The script was rather uninspired and it seems thrown together very poorly. The only real humour is from the classic catchphrases from the likes of Sid James and Charles Hawtrey. 

Its a real shame as this could have been something special with most of the classic cast being present. Best enjoyed on Christmas night after half a bottle of brandy.

The Fairy King of Ar (1998)

A whimsical tale of fairies and elves. 

Kyle (Jameson Baltes) and Evie (Brittney Bomann) are told tales of elves by their grandmother. A short while later, after their grandmother has passed, the family have come to live in her house. 

However, the family encounter strange reactions from, and are made unwelcome by, the villagers and the house's gardener (Malcolm McDowell). There is some sort of local secret the villagers do not want the family messing with. The children also begin to encounter little flying creatures in the woods. It all leads to an old gold mine where the fairies are trapped...

Its a nice little film but nothing much more than that. The children actors do a good job and the fairy special effects are quite enchanting. The plot though is as ethereal as any of the woodland folk and the whole film meanders at times.

Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974)

The first in a series of British sex comedies, you'll probably love or hate it. I love a bit of it!

Tim (Robin Askwith) is working as an apprentice window cleaner for his brother-in-law Sidney (Anthony Booth). However, Tim soon realises that bored housewives are driven incredibly randy by window cleaners apparently (knww i should have taken up my grandfather's trade)... 

Whilst indulging in saucy but what are often also rather awkward situations with various ladies, Tim falls in love with policewoman Elizabeth (Linda Hayden), much to the chagrin of his Dad (Bill Maynard) who has filled the house with nicked junk...

This is a typical early 1970s British film. Saucy, smutty, grubby and tawdry with a few decent tunes. However, it is also wonderfully enjoyable. The film is pretty ridiculous and is a great fun sex comedy, maybe not boisterously hilarious for a comedy but certainly has plenty of sex. John Le Mesurier is excellent as Elizabeth's disapproving police inspector father.

Our Miss Fred (1972)

Danny La Rue versus the Nazis, so awful it's brilliant.

Fred (La Rue) is an actor who is called up by the British Army to entertain the troops in early 1940. However, while Fred is on stage in drag, the Germans launch a surprise attack and capture everyone. Fred is told he must stay in drag otherwise he'll be shot as a spy! Unfortunately for Fred, General Brincker (Alfred Marks) takes a fancy to them!

Fred soon finds themself involved with Miss Flodden (Lally Bowers), Miss Lockhart (Frances de la Tour) who are leading a bunch of English schoolgirls trapped in France (and as this is a 1970s comedy the girls are of course saucy and oversexed), and a shot down RAF pilot (Lance Percival) whom they are hiding...

So, this is a typically British piece of whimsical nonsense, containing so many innuendoes and obvious jokes. It is terrible but incredibly funny at times. The charisma and charm of La Rue holds the film together and somehow makes it work.

Live and Let Die (1973)

Roger Moore makes his debut as Bond in this bonkers epic of voodoo, the occult and flares.

Bond has gone to New York to investigate why various agents have been bumped off and by whom. He heads to Harlem and stands out like a sore thumb but knows drug lord Mr Big has some connection, as well as a link to Dr Karenga (Yaphet Kotto), the head of a tiny corrupt Caribbean country. Karenga's island is a centre for the voodoo cult led by Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder), Karenga though gets his advice from the tarot card reader Solitaire (Jane Seymour) - though naturally her powers are diminished after Bond has had his way with her...

This is Bond goes blaxploitation and its terrific. The suave bow ties and tuxedoes of the 1960s have been replaced by flares and pimpmobiles. It is all complete nonsense of course but has some of the most stand-out stunts and action scenes in Bond history. It has an excellent henchman for Karenga in the shape of Tee Hee (Julius W Harris) with his metal arm...

The film also has a soundtrack by Wings, what is not to like about this film? One of the best in the series.