Carry on Columbus (1992)

The last Carry On film to be made, and you can see why...

The Turkish Sultan (Rik Mayall) is making a mint from trade heading to Europe from the East, however he discovers that a Portuguese map maker called Columbus (Jim Dale) is planning to find an alternative sea route which could ruin him. The Sultan sends his spy Fatima (Sara Crowe) and agent Achmed (Alexi Sayle) to stop him. Columbus has got funding from the King of Spain (Leslie Phillips) and is going to set sail...

Well we all know what happens of course. This is the usual mix of terrible jokes, double entendres and mild saucy antics that made the Carry On series such an icon of British comedy. 

Unfortunately apart from Jim Dale the old Carry On crew had either passed on or did not want to be involved with this film and much of the humour falls flat. Terrible lines which Sid James or Kenneth Williams made hilarious unfortunately fail without them. Some of the humour, such as the Inquisition scenes, does work but mostly because it has been updated a bit.

It's a terrible shame it had to end this way.

Killers from Space (1954)

Aliens invade Earth but rarely has it been as dull as this.

Atomic scientist Dr Martin (Peter Graves) disappears during a nuclear test when his plane crashes. He turns up a while later, with a gap in his memory. He finally recalls that he was contacted by aliens who plan to invade and conquer the Earth with giant spiders and lizards and other creepy crawlies the camera has zoomed in on.

The US military is naturally skeptical about Dr Martin's story, especially when he tells them the US should nuke the aliens in their underground base before it's too late. Then Dr Martin has the idea to cut power to the alien base which will make them explode (for some reason). What then follows is one of the most boring chase scenes through a power station you can imagine...

This really isn't a good film. The budget is low and the film is padded out ridiculously. Ironically the use of stock military footage of 1950s US jets and helicopters at the start of the film, originally just to pad the film out, is probably one of the best bits! Amusingly some of the actors sound half-cut while reciting their lines.

A Woman (1915)

An intriguing Charlie Chaplin film where he dresses as a woman in order to be near a woman.

While his wife (Marta Golden) and daughter (Edna Purviance) snooze in the park, Father (Charles Inslee) gets bored/horny and starts chasing after a young woman (Margie Reiger). However, the arrival of Charlie throws all of Father's wooing up in the air, and into the lake to be exact. The two sleeping ladies awake and both fall for Charlie though of course Father forbids it. Charlie resorts to dressing as a woman in order to continue his wooing of the daughter. Unfortunately Father quite fancies this new "lady" who has come to the house...

Not the best Charlie Chaplin short comedy of the decade, the comedy style was still evolving, but certainly well worth watching. Chaplin makes a rather convincing female it has to be said.

Morons from Outer Space (1985)

An entertaining and often funny film that poses the important question: what if we are finally visited by aliens from outer space, but they are idiots?

Sandra (Joanne Pearce), Desmond (Jimmy Nail) and Julian (Paul Bown) are aliens (who have human form... and names!) who accidentally crash on Earth leaving their leader Bernard (Mel Smith) marooned in space. The authorities excited probe and question the visitors but are soon left disappointed at the apparent lack of intellect. US official Laribee (James Sikking) is suspicious and thinks things will come flying from their heads. Minor TV reporter Graham (Griff Rhys Jones) helps breaks the visitors out and into the public. Overnight they become a pop sensation despite not really having any abilities whatsoever...

Bernard has finally made it to Earth though no one believes he is an alien too. Can he reunite with his former crew who have now arrived in the US for a massive concert?

An amiable and silly if not brilliant film. The humour is good though stretched a bit thinly at times (the story would have probably been better served by a series of skits in the Alas Smith & Jones TV show). You could say it is rather far fetched though, as if some talentless nobodies could become world famous just by being idiots? Now that is science fiction, isn't it?

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

A superbly macabre and strange horror film. It doesn't make a great deal of sense but then again doesn't really have to.

Eminent doctors are suffering mysterious deaths, including being killed by bats and even frozen to death. Trout of the Yard (Peter Jeffrey) discovers that there is a link. All of the doctors were present when the wife (Caroline Munro) of Dr Phibes (Vincent Price) was killed. However, he is supposed to have died too. With the help of the chief surgeon in the Phibes operation Dr Vesalius (Joseph Cotten), Trout discovers that Phibes is alive after all. Well in a way.

In reality Phibes is a bizarre half-dead creature who can only speak via gramophone and wears a full Vincent Price prosthetic face. He plays the organ in his wonderful Art Deco lair, accompanied by a clockwork orchestra, while planning and celebrating his hideous Biblical inspired killings.

A wonderfully campy and weird horror. Quite how a dead man was able to conduct such elaborate and audacious killings is never explained, but this isn't a film for worrying about such mere details! So over the top it does verge on self-parody but incredible stuff.