Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

A glorious mockney romp.

Geezah mockney Eddy (Nick Moran) enters a high stakes poker game with gangland boss Hatchet Harry (P.H. Moriarty), his stake raised by his three other geezah mockney mates (Dexter Fletcher, Jason Flemyng and Jason Statham). Although Eddy is a top card shark, Harry has a hidden edge... he cheats. Eddy loses his mates' money and ends up having to owe Harry half a million which is a lot of bread. Unfortunately for Eddy and his geezah mates, the money will be collected by Harry's hard men: Barry the Baptist (Lenny McLean) and Big Chris (Vinnie Jones).

Meanwhile a plot to get Harry some antique shotguns and a plan by Eddy and his geezah mates to steal money and cannabis results in a huge and bloody showdown...

None of it really makes sense, Eddy and his geezah mates act so naive and foolishly its a wonder they weren't brown bread years ago. The characters are ridiculous, one dimensional cartoon characters. But thats probably the point. This is a swagging and stylish and very violent film with cool scenes and cool music throughout.

Black Magic (1944)

A decent entry in the lengthy Charlie Chan series.

A man is murdered at a seance which Charlie Chan's daughter Frances (Frances Chan) was attending. The police detective (Joseph Crehan) forces Chan (Sidney Toler) to investigate the crime or his daughter won't be getting released any time soon. Chan's chauffeur Birmingham (Mantan Moreland) was also in the house as a servant, and thinks there are some spooky goings on. In fact everything spooky is really a trick...

A problem for Chan is that multiple attendees at the seance had motives. However, he begins to unravel a clever plot involving false identities, hypnosis and fiendish weapons...

There is nothing wrong with this film at all, the crime is inventive and the solving of the puzzle very satisfying. Its nothing really you haven't seen before with Charlie Chan, though him being assisted by a daughter instead of one of his sons is interesting. An enjoyable film. Interestingly Frances Chan played one of Chan's daughters in a much earlier film (1933's Charlie Chan's Greatest Case) in the series too!

Geisha Girl (1952)

This could have been a decent enough spy drama though is let down by whimsy and stereotypes.

Rocky (Steve Forrest) and Archie (Archer MacDonald) are two American soldiers on leave from the Korean War. They head to Tokyo, there they find their uniforms keep them out of interesting bars. They instead buy some clothes from a Japanese tailor, by coincidence the shop is the front for a diabolically evil scientist who had developed a bomb so powerful it makes the atom bomb look like a firework. Archie heads off with an example of this new bomb (which is pill sized) in his pocket...

The gang leader Nakano (Tetsu Nakamura) invites the guys back to his home, where he just so happens to have a geisha school. The guys also bring along flight attendant Peggy (Martha Hyer) who is secretly an Allied agent. Nakano and his inept thugs try repeatedly to get back the pill-bomb...

Fairly light hearted and quite ridiculous, this could though have been a solid enough spy film but is let down by the ridiculous Archie character. Obviously used for comic relief though he mostly succeeds in being pretty annoying. The bizarre hypnotist Zoro (Dekao Yokoo) is quite something though.

Split Second (1992)

A complete mess of a film, which somehow works.

It is the future (well 2008 anyway) and London is semi-submerged due to the melting ice caps. Stone (Rutger Hauer) is a maverick cop with the London police who investigates a brutal killing in a club. It seems the murderer is someone who killed his partner years before and has a liking for tearing out human hearts. 

Stone is teamed up with eager young (and book learned) detective Dirkin (Alastair Duncan) to catch this serial killer. However, Stone doesn't believe the killer is human. Soon Stone and his girlfriend Michelle (Kim Cattrall) are being targeted by the killer, who seems impervious to their guns. So they obviously need bigger guns!

A complete car crash of a film with bizarre scenes, even more bizarre plot and even even more bizarre acting at times though Hauer, Duncan and Cattrall are great throughout. The film is utter nonsense but also utterly compelling and terrific fun. A film doesn't always need to make sense to be worth a watch as long as you can suspect believe long enough and enjoy the (soggy) ride.

Border Guns (1934)

A rather staid and strangely stilted Western.

Bill Cody, a rather eccentric cowboy, arrives in town and soon gets into a fight with Fred (Franklyn Farnum), the local tough. However, the fight is a draw and they become friends. We discover that Fred is rustling cattle to sell to Mexican rebels over the border and Bill offers to join the outfit. Soon though they are both fighting for the affections of the doctor's daughter Jane (Blanche Mehaffey)...

This truly isn't a terrible film, in theory. The story is basic but workable, the action is reasonable, Bill Cody has an odd charm. However, the execution is really off. The film is plagued by odd and awkward silences and stilted dialogue. Its unfortunate, there probably was a decent film in here somewhere but its been lost on the trail somewhere.