The Old Actor (1912)

A rather static though enjoyable little drama. 

An old actor (W. Chrystie Miller) loses his role at the theatre due to being too old, he is too embarrassed to tell his family of his failure and therefore uses his make-up skills to disguise himself and becomes a very convincing beggar to earn some coin. The beau (Edwin August) of his daughter (Mary Pickford) accidentally gives him a gold coin and in the kerfuffle his real identity is revealed...

A nice simple little film. Although the camerawork is very static, the little subtle touches and natural acting helps make the film very watchable and tells a good story.

Horror House (1969)

Swinging London hits slasher horror head on. Really this should be awful tosh (and many people will probably think it is) but... this film is brilliant!

A bunch of cool kids (well reasonably young adults anyway, and mostly not that cool) are having a groovy party which unfortunately is boring them. Chris (Frankie Avalon) leads them to an abandoned house out of town. However, as the kids are getting ready for a seance, Gary (Mark Wynter) is brutally murdered. Chris decides that they need to handle this themselves and so they bury Gary's body and seek to discover who committed the crime.

The viewer will of course suspect Bob (George Sewell) - definitely not a cool kid - who was having an affair with Sylvia (Gina Warwick) and was jealous when he saw Gary kiss her. However, it is soon clear there is something else going on...

The story doesn't really have much going for it being rather formulaic, the characters are mostly awful, the acting indifferent and the less we can say about the direction the better. However, somehow this film works and the slasher horror, though spare, does have an impact. Maybe it is the coolness of the setting in Swinging London, especially the interior furnishings of the various flats. A really enjoyable romp, despite everything.

Wonder Women (1973)

Completely incoherent, shamelessly exploitative and violent trash. I loved it obviously. 

Someone is kidnapping top athletes. In the Philippines, Harber (Ross Hagen) is hired to investigate the disappearance of one such athlete (whom we see captured by a number of young women and then taken away in a hearse). In fact this is a nefarious plot by Dr Tsu (Nancy Kwan) who is conducting medical experiments and plans to start doing brain transplants: transferring the brains of rich old people into young fit bodies...

Harber's investigation, which includes the seduction and long chase of one of Dr Tsu's henchwomen Linda (Maria De Aragon), takes him to the wonderfully Brutalist lair of Dr Tsu (which looks incredible, she doesn't look so bad either). Here he witnesses her twisted experiments and also indulges in a spot of brain sex with her. All hell is about to break loose of course...

A confusing film, especially in the last act which leaves many threads up in the air. Maybe they were expecting a sequel? Nothing really makes much sense and it is stacked high with 70s cheese and badly choreographed fights. You just wonder if the taxi driver (Vic Diaz) is still waiting for Harber on that island.

Warning from Space (1956)

A rather strange, sometimes charming but ultimately a bit dull science-fiction film.

Aliens visit Earth, their flying saucers flying over Tokyo. Unfortunately the aliens find, as they look like giant walking starfish with a single eye, cannot approach humans without sparking panic. The aliens indeed do want to desperately contact humanity as a giant meteor is heading to the Earth...

One of the starfish aliens therefore decides to disguise herself as a popular Japanese singer (Toyomi Karita)! Mankind is finally warned about the meteor and scientist Dr Kamura (Bontaro Miake) scrambles to develop a weapon to deflect it before it's too late. Things are complicated by enemy agents who want to use the weapon for themselves...

The film has a fair amount of Japanese whimsy though is a bit slow at times. The story is interesting if a bit vague at times, the aliens being the good guys a nice twist for a 1950s science-fiction film. 

Beaks! (1987)

A rather gruesome version of the "birds attacking humans" story, many pigeons were probably harmed bringing you this nonsense.

Why is unknown, and the way the film keeps jumping from random scene to random scene doesn't help, but birds have declared war on mankind. From the mightiest eagle to a budgerigar, they are all out to attack (with various degrees of devastation). TV reporter Vanessa (Michelle Johnson) and her cameraman Peter (Christopher Atkins) are sent to cover the attacks. Initially they are sceptical but soon they are fighting for their lives, even blowing up part of a train!

Meanwhile, highly successful hunter Arthur (Aldo Sambrell) - his house has more mounted skulls than walls, is hosting a childrens' party. What could go wrong? Much horror!

Rather gory and very ridiculous. It does have plenty of scary moments though. The effects are pretty well done, though in most cases it looks like pigeons were thrown at people. However, the story is rather poor and very disjointed. No explanation is given as to what is happening, and why very little is being done about it by the authorities. It isn't as bad as Birdemic: Shock & Terror, though that isn't a very high bar...

Speak Easily (1932)

Although best known as a silent movie comedy icon, this is a reasonable if not brilliant Buster Keaton talkie.

Shy academic Professor Potts (Keaton) thinks he has inherited a fortune, he thus decides to live life a little. Potts falls in love with a dancer called Pansy Peets (Ruth Selwyn), who is with a minor dance troupe led by James (Jimmy Durante). Potts funds the troupe to perform on Broadway. Unfortunately another actor, and a bit of a diva, in the form Eleanor (Thelma Todd) takes the part intended for Pansy. Somehow, despite Pott's meddling and the ensuring chaos, the show is a hit...

Completely unlike the energetic and highly physical silent movies Keaton made his name with, it isn't really that much of a comedy more a light hearted drama. It has plenty of good moments and humour but not quite enough to raise this much above the average though perfectly watchable.

Deadly Instincts (1997)

Yet another film about horny aliens who are lusting after Earth women.

A meteorite lands at a girl's school in Boston (which we know because of large signs everywhere which say BOSTON, even though it looks suspiciously like the other side of the Atlantic...)

Inside the meteorite is some kind of alien beast, who wants human women for breeding purposes. He obviously chose his landing point very well landing at a school full of horny teens. Student Louise (Samantha Womack) is fairly concerned for her missing friend, when she isn't sleeping with her teacher Ashley (Todd Jensen). Her friend unfortunately has become one of the alien's first victims. Ashley meanwhile is trying to find a young woman (Kadamba Simmons) who looks like she has escaped from an all-night goth club.

The police in the form of Moore (Oliver Tobias) is uninterested in talk of alien monsters, instead thinking Ashley is behind the disappearances. Soon however, he is also hunting the monster alongside Louise and Ashley in the rather remarkably complicated tunnels under the school...

A silly film. Filmed in the Isle of Man with a mostly British cast, who attempt their American accents with varying degrees of failure. Overall the film is a reasonable sci-fi horror and fairly exploitative (not a bad thing). It looks good though is lacking in the plot department. Enjoyable junk.