Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)

These arn't just any old monsters, these are super monsters!

Evil Lord Tyrannos leads the Dinosaurs back to the surface of the Earth, having been living deep underground in secret all these years. He unleashes his monsters and waves of terrestrial mammals mutated by his evil powers on Earth to destroy mankind. He starts with a wave of red dogs. The only thing that can save humanity is, of course, four teenagers! Two of which have the Gemini power which means they merge using cyber power to become a super flying machine with drills.

You might have guessed by now that this is Japanese. The monsters are played by guys in rubber suits, destroyed cardboard buildings. The rest of the footage is anime and it can be a bit jarring at times switching between the two.

This film is made up of four episodes of a TV series (Dinosaur War Izenborg), each episode following the same formula so we get quite a bit of repetition. It is great fun though doesn't make a lot of sense, Tyrannos sounds terrific, though he it does seem like he needs something for his sore throat.

The Mole People (1956)

Although not executed that well this film has a brilliant premise. 

A team of archaeologists in Mesopotamia (we can guess, the film just describes it as "Asia" which doesn't really narrow things down much) discover some ancient writings near the top of a mountain. Dr Bentley (John Agar) and his buddies are trapped under a glacier after an earthquake and discover a lost Sumerian civilisation which has existed underground for the last five thousand years!

The Sumerians exist on mushrooms and enslave savage reptilian like creatures. They also have a harsh and deadly regime where surplus population are sacrificed to Ishtar. Bentley poses as a herald of Ishtar and has a crush on slave girl Adad (Cynthia Patrick). Meanwhile, the high priest (Alan Napier) is suspicious of Bentley and plans to get rid of him...

Although a fairly basic film in many ways i loved the idea of this film, being a historian myself (even if their "Sumerian" script is actually Egyptian hieroglyphs at times not cuneiform!) Lost worlds are always fun, more than the real world indeed.

Call the Mesquiteers (1938)

Part of the very long running Mesquiteers series of westerns, though as this takes place in the present (well 1930s) day can it be a western or just a crime drama with stetsons?

The Mesquiteers are dragged into a criminal conspiracy when their truck is stopped by some robbers on the run after doing a job. The criminals are killed in a shootout with the Mesquiteers but the police don't know that the Mesquiteers are innocent and now our heroes Ray Corrigan, Robert Livingston and Max Terhune are on the run from the law (who seem keen on doing an instant lynching) and catch the real criminals...

Despite the modern day setting this is a standard Mesquiteer film with the requisite amount of horse riding, fighting and interplay between the trio. Its a reasonable film, not the best in the series but perfectly fine to watch.

Santa's Christmas Circus (1966)

A somewhat awful little film in many ways though (unintentionally) funny in others.

The clown Whizzo (Frank Wiziarde), after much mild slapstick and messing about, finally gathers a group of children who sit around while he tries to entertain them and instil some Christmas spirit. To be honest they often look pretty bored and cough a lot (one seems to fart as well). Finally, Whizzo takes them to see Santa Claus (John Bilyeu) on a flying carpet (well of course). 

This is a strange film to be honest. Some of Whizzo's humour hasn't dated too well, though you wonder if it was that funny in the 1960s considering the audience reaction in the film! None of it really makes much sense. Maybe you shouldn't really expect it to?

The film has some nice footage of department store Christmas displays and a pleasing kitsch look and feel though at times will test your Christmas spirit. The real star of the film is the little girl who coughs throughout.

Santa with Muscles (1996)

A Hulk Hogan Christmas movie, this isn't as bad as you think it'll be. Its far worse.

Blake (Hogan) is a mean millionaire. In typical movie cliche style he bangs his head and now becomes a good guy in his amnesiac state. No one recognises him despite the fact he made his money selling best selling health supplements with his face plastered all over them! Plus the fact Hulk Hogan isn't exactly the most inconspicuous looking person in the world. As Blake banged his head wearing a Santa outfit for reasons he thinks he really is Father Christmas.

Meanwhile, another rich evil man called Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr) wants to close down an orphanage so he can get his hands on highly volatile crystals in catacombs below the orphanage. Blake, who by now has regained his memory, and also reveals he was at the orphanage as a child, becomes a good guy (yay!) and battles Frost and his collection of goons (which includes Brutus Beefcake as a "sumo lab assistant" - what?)

So, a very strange film indeed. Quite terrible in terms of story and plot too, some of the action scenes are well done - if rather inexplicable. The comedy though, which the film really should have more of, is lacking badly - apart from the unintentional of course.

The Christmas Tree (1975)

There isn't much to this short film. The tale of a tinsel Christmas tree that is taken to a home, stands watch over Christmas and is then binned and burnt (and goes to Christmas tree heaven!)

This tree has a face (Julian Chagrin) however, but the family do not seem to notice this oddity. It is a charming but somewhat odd film, and i love it. As a child of the 1970s, the most dear Christmas time to me was the mid-1970s when it was still a wonder to me and not a chore. The true magic of Christmas is there. Coming down to the tree all excited on Christmas morning to get my new toys. Luckily our trees didn't have faces, or die for that matter as it was made of plastic tinsel. 

So, this is a great little oddity of a film and the best Christmas film i've ever seen (though to be honest that isn't saying much as the genre is usually pretty awful). Anyway Merry Christmas!

Carry on Christmas (1969)

The Carry On team do a Christmas Carol... and er... Frankenstein and Dracula for some reason.

Scrooge (Sid James) makes the life of Cratchit (Bernard Bresslaw) a misery. Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas past (Charles Hawtrey) and present (Barbara Windsor). We then get a rather odd horror film pastiche involving Dr Frank N Stein (Terry Scott) and then a pantomime. It is all rather strange and all rather awful...

The script was rather uninspired and it seems thrown together very poorly. The only real humour is from the classic catchphrases from the likes of Sid James and Charles Hawtrey. 

Its a real shame as this could have been something special with most of the classic cast being present. Best enjoyed on Christmas night after half a bottle of brandy.