Death Ship (1980)

A superbly chilling and at-times gory film, completely ridiculous but it is a horror film after all.

A mysterious cargo ship, seemingly without a crew, is sailing across the sea. It approaches a cruise liner, despite all warnings it isn't stopping, it wants to ram! Later on a few survivors of the liner, including the captain Ashland (George Kennedy), lie on a raft. The cargo ship looms behind them, the survivors not knowing this was the ship which caused their plight.

They board the ship, which is deserted and rusted and old. They discover it is a World War 2 German ship, they also discover it has a mind of it's own as the survivors are picked off one by one, including being grabbed by cranes, terrified to death in a shower of blood and being crushed in a net of corpses. Ashland, meanwhile, has donned the uniform of a German Navy captain and now calls the ship his own. Crenna (Trevor Marshall) and Nick (Nick Mancuso) discover the ship was used for Nazi tortures...

A superbly weird and macabre film. The derelict ship setting makes for a very eerie film. Often the best horrors have the threat coming from a faceless and unknowable entity, in this case it is an entire cargo ship! It makes little sense but is a great horror film.

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

A complete mess of a film, cheap and confused though rather compelling but you'll seldom know what is going on. A mad scientist called Dr DeMarco (John Carradine) is aiming to build a super-human zombie who can live in space, by creating a creature out of various human bits and applying some technology to make it all work. Unfortunately his prototype has gone on the rampage and is killing people... mostly women and he seems unable to kill them without also ripping off their clothes...

The Feds, led by Holman (Wendell Corey), spies from an unnamed foreign power led by the remarkable Satana (Tura Satana) and the mafia are all after DeMarco's secrets. A confused search begins for the mad scientist before he can create a refined version of his zombie, plus try and capture the original...

Much weirdness follows and much unnecessary (to the plot anyway) female flesh too. We're never told why DeMarco's weird assistant Franchot (William Bagdad) spends much of the film menacing a young woman in a bikini, whom he has strapped to a table but it's just that kind of film. In the great tradition of trash movies it makes no sense whatsoever.

Supersonic Man (1979)

A shameless but also hilarious superhero movie. Supersonic Man, born on another planet, is sent to Earth to combat a growing threat there, he takes on the appearance and personality of Paul (Antonio Cantafora). The threat is from the diabolical Dr Gulik (Cameron Mitchell) who sends his laser gun armed goons, and rather ridiculous looking robot, to steal nuclear materials so he can build a death ray and conquer the Earth.

Gulik also kidnaps the scientist Professor Morgan (Jose Maria Caffafrel) to assist with his plans though Morgan refuses to help. Gulik sends his men, led by Petersen (Frank Brana), to kidnap Morgan's daughter Patricia (Diana Polokov). That is when Paul/Supersonic Man starts to intervene and foil Gulik's evil plans...

A fun film with laughable special effects and very cheesy and goofy superhero antics. The film rips off a number of other better known films including Superman itself. The film is often quite strange with numerous misfiring attempts at comedy thrown in. Why that is needed when the main premise is so ridiculous and funny is a question even Supersonic Man's powers have no answer for. Unfortunately no one makes a "I'll make a supersonic man out of you" joke.

Busy Bodies (1933)

A classic Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy comedy short with some of their most iconic and ambitious set pieces. Stan and Ollie are working as carpenters at a sawmill, obviously mayhem ensues and much destruction follows. This includes Ollie getting a brush glued to his chin, getting caught (and later catapulted out of) a vent and finally destroying the manager's office after falling off a ladder. Health and safety certainly is absent in the Laurel and Hardy universe!

A superb film. There obviously isn't much story other than to hang on a series of comedy set-pieces and slapstick stunts. But who cares, this is true genius.

Four Sided Triangle (1953)

What is worse than a love triangle? A four sided love triangle. Bill (Stephen Murray) and Robin (John Van Eyssen) are childhood friends and mad scientists who are feverishly working on a machine that can duplicate matter. While their mutual childhood crush Lena (Barbara Peyton) and their mentor Dr Harvey (James Hayter) watch on, the scientists succeed. The British government begins the process of crushing the development with bureaucracy, meanwhile Robin marries Lena... Bill is distraught.

With the help of Dr Harvey, Bill modifies the machine to be able to duplicate living things! He manages to convince Lena to let him duplicate her... creating Helen. Unfortunately Helen is an exact duplicate and also loves Robin and not Bill...

A fascinating film, the science is baffling (with the usual sparkling electricity and dials, though what all the test tubes and flasks bubbling with liquid are for is not explained) but at it's heart this is an interesting examination of what really makes a person. A decent film as long as you suspect enough disbelief.

The Torture Chamber of Dr Sadism (1967)

A macabre but also campy horror, very Hammer-like and not just because of Christopher Lee. The sadistic Count Regula (Lee) is torn apart by wild horses as punishment for murdering twelve virgin maidens. Thirty five years later the lawyer Roger (Lex Barker) and piano teacher Baroness Lilian (Karin Dor) receive strange invites from the Count Regula. As they approach his castle, they find villagers recoiling in fear, though the priest - apparently - Fabian (Vladimir Medar) isn't afraid and joins them for the trip.

They find themselves in a terrifying castle, the guest of Anatol (Carl Lange). He brings Count Regula back to life. The Count reveals that Roger is the last member of his executioner's family and Roger must die to complete his revenge. Lillian will be the thirteenth maiden to die by his hand, this will enable him to complete his twisted experiments and create an elixir of eternal life...

Not the most original of horror films, it seems to take many elements of well-known horror tropes, including a pendulum pit and iron maidens and mixes everything up in a fairly psychedelic and very grotesque romp. Christopher Lee gives a great turn as the evil count (but of course you would expect nothing less!) 

Manhandled (1924)

A top draw actor can lift an otherwise average plodder of a film into something decent, as happens with this film starring Gloria Swanson as a shopgirl (Tessie) with a talent for mimicry. She manages to escape her dreary job thanks to her talent for pretending to be other people. She ends up pretending to be a snooty Russian aristocrat in order to attract customers to a posh establishment.

Tessia soon forgets about her boyfriend Jimmy (Tom Moore) but when he becomes a success himself he comes back for her and accuses her of letting herself be taken advantage of (manhandled as per the title)...

Truthfully this is a fairly forgettable comedic morality play but Swanson's comedy performance is well worth watching, especially the crowded subway train scene.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

A very clever and witty showcase for the Monty Python brand of humour (though not quite as clever as they think it is). 

King Arthur is looking for knights to join his Round Table at Camelot and then help him on a quest to find the Holy Grail. Unfortunately finding these knights isn't very easy. Finally, he does have his knights and he sets off on a quest, crossing bridges of death, fighting killer rabbits and finding a nice shrubbery...

It is all very silly of course and has a number of iconic comedy moments shown often in clips or skits, if you haven't seen this film before you probably have seen quite a lot of it already in clips and memes. It doesn't make much sense, correction it doesn't make any sense. Maybe a little more coherence would have improved the film, but 'tis but a scratch!

All the gang (John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones) are here in various roles. It's liberties with English history are rather large, as is the inventiveness.

Man With 100 Faces (1938)

A fun crime caper. A mysterious criminal, who is the master of disguise, called Crackerjack has gained notoriety. He also raises the ire a gang of US crooks led by Sculpie (Noel Madison), when he beats them to a bag of diamonds on a mid-air heist. 

Crackerjack is Jack Drake (Tom Walls) who uses his ill-gotten gains to fund charities like childrens' hospitals and also to live the high life in a posh hotel, he even writes about his exploits in a best selling book! In that hotel is his ex-beau the Baroness (Lilli Palmer) who feels that she knows who Crackerjack is...

Crackerjack foils another of the US gang's heists and, with their society backers, hatch a plot using the Baroness to lure Crackerjack to their country home hideout. However, the master of disguise is always one step ahead...

A great little film, light and breezy. A ridiculous and endearing tale of a gentleman thief and a luscious look at the high life in the late 1930s.

Target Earth (1954)

An interesting take on the 1950s "alien invasion" theme. Nora (Kathleen Crowley) awakes after an attempted overdose, she finds all her neighbours seem to have gone, in fact the whole city seems to be empty! Finally she runs into Frank (Richard Denning), who also had been out of it for some time - though in his case due to a mugging. They explore the eerie empty city, finally they hear piano music and discover Jim (Richard Reeves) and Vicki (Virginia Gray) getting hammered in a bar!

Soon after the four discover something else is stalking the streets. The US has been invaded by a mysterious army of robots from outer space. The foursome flee to a hotel and hole up there until escaped convict Davis (Robert Roark) forces them to help him facilitate his own escape from the alien robots. Meanwhile the US Army races against time to find a counter to the robots, if they don't... well they are going to nuke the city!

This is a great sci-fi film, full of suspense with it's empty streets and air of mystery. A lot of that mystery is lost though when we finally see the robots, which are ridiculously clunky. However, this film is elevated above other films in it's sub-genre by how it explores the human reactions to an alien invasion not just lots of laser gun firing. A great little film.

Blood Theatre (1984)

Quite simply one of the most baffling films ever made. Murdock (Rob-roy Fletcher) adds another movie theatre to his chain, unfortunately it is one which was the scene of a massacre on the opening night. Murdock, when he is not being bullied by his "assistant" Miss Blackwell (Mary Woronov), sends some of his employees to prepare the theatre for re-opening. Jennifer (Jenny Cunningham), Adrian (Andrew Cofrin) and Malcolm (Daniel Schafer) all encounter much weirdness, such as flying movie film canisters and Jennifer even encounters a strange old man (Jonathan Blakely) who tries to strangle her.

The deaths begin as opening night nears, including sassy employees Selena (Joanna Foxx) and Darcy (Stephanie Dillard) - which is a bit of a shame because they are probably the best part of the film. Opening night itself becomes a bit of a blood bath with various and innovative methods of execution including decapitation by a projection room shutter. Jennifer encounters the old man again, and apparently she reminds him of someone from his past...

By then you won't really care as the film makes zero sense. It is hilarious though (and intentionally) with randomness and weirdness throughout. The film includes a fake trailer for Clown Whores of Hollywood. To be honest that film would probably have made more sense. A kind of genius.

Trapped (1949)

A taut and tough noir. The Feds are on a case of counterfeit dollar bills, they need the plates to stop the near perfect fake bills being printed. They arrange with the plate's creator Stewart (Lloyd Bridges), for him to help the Feds track down the plates in return for parole. The Feds arrange for him to "escape" and he links up with his old squeeze Dixon (Barbara Payton).

Unknown to Stewart and Dixon, the Feds already have a line on Dixon. Agent Downey is posing as small-time hustler Hackett (John Hoyt) and he arranges for himself to become part of Stewart's plan to get the plates back from Sylvester (James Todd). Downey and the Feds' plan runs into trouble when Stewart decides that escaping to Mexico with Dixon and a pile of cash is preferable to going back to the jail...

A great crime film with plenty of double dealing and intrigue, not a small amount of violence too. All you want in a really good noir crime film.

Towed in a Hole (1932)

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy decide to get a fishing boat... not that they get anywhere near the sea in this comedy short! 

The boat is bought from a junkyard and needs some work doing to it, of course nothing can go wrong there can it? Or should we say nothing can go right?

Stan and Ollie suffer various mishaps as they try and fix the boat, leading to a bit fall out between the guys. Finally, however the boat is ready to take to the docks... it is all going to OK now isn't it?

Not the best Laurel and Hardy comedy short though still very good fun with plenty of slapstick and comedy timing magic.

Who Killed Teddy Bear (1965)

A dark film indeed, a remarkable piece of 1960s noir and sleaze. Difficult and dangerous, a deep exploration of the dark side of humanity.

Norah (Juliet Prowse) is a DJ at a swinging New York club, not very hip though judging by the awkward dancing (more drugs obviously required, the later 1960s would help there). She starts receiving strange phone calls. Then, she realises she is being stalked as the caller knows everything about her and what she has been doing. He even breaks into her apartment to leave a broken teddy bear! Her stalker (Sal Mineo) is a co-worker and is obsessed with her and obsessed with sex, however unable to sexually function because of what happened to him in the past as a boy...

Lt. Madden (Jan Murray), on the vice squad, is investigating. He fills his apartment with all sorts of porn and filth to help him understand the sex criminal mind, but is this corrupting him too? It certainly seems to be corrupting his young daughter (Diane Moore) who starts using words she shouldn't be at her age.

A very moody and sleazy piece of work. Artily filmed in black and white though at times flirts with falling into self-parody. The film has a number of superb performances, including Elaine Stritch as a lesbian who befriends Norah though doesn't get much of what she was hoping for but a lot of what she wasn't. Mineo steals the show though as the bodybuilding weirdo who calls up his dream girl wearing just his tight shorts and sweating profusely, and goes looking for porn while his mentally retarded sister (Margot Bennett) is locked in a cupboard. A film that stretched taboos and is a compelling and irresistible watch though rather exploitative. It's riveting for sure.

The Severed Arm (1973)

An amazing film, an amazingly strange film too. It is a tale of revenge and psychological horror with a superb twist. 

A number of years before a group of friends get trapped as they explore a cave. As time goes on and they get hungrier, Jeff (David Cannon) has the idea that they eat each other. They draw lots and unfortunately Ted (Ray Dannis) is chosen to have his arm cut off and consumed. Of course just as soon as the arm is cut off the rescuers arrive. Jeff and the others (sans Ted who is rather annoyed) decide to concoct a cover story and say they cut off Ted's arm to save his life...

Now a number of years later Jeff receives a horrific present in the mail, a severed arm! He finds out Ted has left the mental hospital he has been in and must plan a revenge. One by one the others are killed in various macabre ways, finally just Jeff is left with Ted's daughter Teddy (Deborah Walley), who has been helping him. Well Jeff thinks she has been helping him...

The twist is immense when it happens (though can be seen coming a mile off). The film is dripping with menace and suspense, assisted by a superb synthesiser led soundtrack. The only real criticism you can make of this film is that a little too much takes place in the dark and it is difficult to tell quite what is going on. Weird but great.

The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)

The first in the Hammer series of Frankenstein films, and the first Hammer film in colour. With the help of his former tutor and friend Paul (Robert Urquhart), Baron Frankenstein (Peter Cushing) conducts a series of ever more extreme medical experiments. Frankenstein's ultimate aim is to create life, Paul increasingly wants out especially when Frankenstein starts to steal human body parts in order to create the "perfect man"...

Paul tries to convince Frankenstein's fiance (Hazel Court) to leave, but to no avail. Meanwhile, Frankenstein manages to create a monster of true horror (Christopher Lee) but with a damaged brain. The monster manages to escape and kill, forcing Paul to kill it. However, Frankenstein resurrects his creature which ends up killing his creator's mistress Justine (Valerie Gaunt)...

Although the film starts off a bit slowly, once the creature makes it's debut the film transforms into a truly remarkable horror. Wonderfully macabre.

Mad Mission 2 (1983)

For our 1,000th review it has to be the greatest film we ever saw on VHS...

Mad Mission 2 (also known as Aces Go Places 2) is an extraordinary film. A completely madcap series of stunts and amazing situations held together by a vague sub-plot of diamond theft and gangland revenge. 

King Kong (Samuel Hui) is a jewel thief / graphic designer. After he stole diamonds in the first film, the US mafia hire Filthy Harry (Joe Dimmick), in full Clint Eastwood cosplay gear, to deal with the situation.

That involves sending a robot to kill King Kong, then chasing him with multiple Jaguars and motorbikes across Hong Kong in a mass crashathon. For help, he calls on his friend in the police Albert (Karl Maka), not that he is that much help. The antics end with a final showdown with Filthy Harry's forces: another robot, another car chase with Jaguars (the number of cars wrecked in this car is astonishing) and finally Filthy Harry himself in his missile firing golden Rolls Royce...

An incredibly film, it is sort of film you would get if you gave a bunch of 10 year old boys unlimited budget and complete carte blanche. Some of the HK humour and antics are a bit dated but the sheer energy and craziness of the action makes this film well worthwhile. Many times i hired this from the video shop in the 1980s, it never failed to entertain me.

Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

A pleasing if rather goofy fantasy tale. Evil and rather camp wizard Pendragon (Torin Thatcher) has been defeated but unbeknownst to the King of Cornwall (Dayton Lummis), the evil wizard plots his revenge. Pendragon targets the lovely Princess Elaine (Judi Meredith) and sends a giant to capture her. However, the wizard is defeated by the heroic farmer boy Jack (Kerwin Matthews) who is rewarded by the King.

Pendragon isn't giving up yet though, he sends his forces of darkness to capture Elaine. Jack travels to Pendragon's island with his friends Sigurd (Barry Kelley), Peter (Roger Mobley) and his imp in a bottle (Don Beddoe)! With the imp's help Jack faces the evil of Pendragon once again...

A fun film. The characters are rather pantomine-esque with their costumes and cackling, the monsters average claymation and the special effects at times a bit dodgy. However, despite the obviousness and the lack of depth of any characters, this is a fine film. A straight forward fairy tale fantasy adventure.

Tex Rides with the Boy Scouts (1937)

A reasonable if unexceptional western. A gang has stolen a million dollars worth of gold. Tex (Tex Ritter) and his two partners (Horace Murphy and Snub Pollard) are looking for the gang when they discover a suspicious looking gold mining operation in a small town. The mine is owned by Dorman (Forrest Taylor) and his goons are seen selling gold nuggets in town.

Tex tricks Dorman into making a move and, with the help of some boy scouts (who actually would not be around until the twentieth century but anyway bear with the film), the gang is rounded up and they all head home happily for tea. 

A standard 1930s western with plenty of horse riding, sixgun shooting, fighting and some fine songs sung by Tex too. Norma (Marjorie Reynolds) is the love interest for Tex. 

White Cargo (1973)

A sometimes funny, oftentimes terrible comedy. However, it does showcase two future superstars in their early careers. Albert (David Jason) is a nobody with an overactive imagination where he fantasies about being a secret agent (so basically this is kind of a British Walter Mitty film). 

When Albert receives a flyer inviting him to a seedy gentleman's club he gets drawn (by accident) into a criminal scheme involving the sale of women to Arabs. Stella (Imogen Hassell) is an undercover policewoman (though Albert doesn't know it until the end) who is investigating the gang led by Fox (Raymond Cross) with the considerable presence of Harry (David Prowse) as muscle.

With two inept civil servants (Hugh Lloyd and Tim Barrett) following on, Albert discovers the hide out of the gang though his attempt to foil them doesn't work (it works fine in his head though in practice is a complete failure). However, at the docks he has another chance to save everyone, including himself before he is sold to the Arabs as well and become a eunuch!

A silly limited film like so many British comedies of the period, and very much of it's time with vaguely saucy antics and some dated attitudes. While not a brilliant film, it does have it's moments and is a decent watch. It offers a great view of Britain in the early 1970s, a simpler and less complicated time. It is also a film where you get to see the future Darth Vader beat up the future Del Boy!

Devil Girl from Mars (1954)

Despite the interesting sounding premise: a Martian woman in a black leather outfit arrives looking for men, this is a slow and plodding science-fiction film. Escaped convict Simpson (Peter Reynolds) turns up at a remote Scottish hotel where guests are few and far between but include scientist Professor Hennessey (Joseph Tomelty) and reporter Carter (Hugh McDermott) who are looking for a meteorite. Prestwick (Hazel Court) is also present though mostly just to look pretty. Just at the moment Simpson is recognised a UFO lands in the back garden! What are the chances eh?

Nyah (Patricia Laffan) descends the ramp in her kinky leather outfit and declares that she is looking for men to take back to Mars to help rebuild the population. As she landed at a Scottish hotel populated by stoic 1950s British people and not a high school full of horny boys she has trouble finding willing males. Much slow plodding plot proceeds as the Earthlings are powerless before Nyah's powers and her ridiculously clunky robot...

This is not a long film but it feels it because of the slowness of the plot. The budget was low and the special effects poor, though pretty much standard for their time. Nyah and her outfit are superb and give the film enough camp and cheese to get you through the slow moments (of which there are quite a few!)