The Scarecrow (1920)

An enjoyable and highly inventive comedy from the legendary Buster Keaton.

Buster Keaton and Joe Roberts are poor farmhands who manage to survive in very inventive ways, including reusing the same coin over and over again in the gas meter! They are both interested in the farmer's daughter Sybil Seely. Buster disguises himself as a scarecrow to cause trouble for Joe and soon he and Sybil are engaged. But of course they get married in a madcap road scene while on a motorbike and sidecar combination!

A great comedy, inventive (the hut they live in at the start with all the hidden gadgets and tricks is brilliant) and slipstick which culminates in a frenetic and fairly spectacular final scene. 

Paul Temple's Triumph (1950)

Frenetic crime fighting antics from Paul and Steve Temple.

A scientist (Andrew Leigh) is kidnapped by the mysterious criminal Z. The scientist's daughter (Anne Hayes), a friend of Steve (Dinah Sheriden), asks for help but she is later found dead. Paul Temple (John Bentley) and Steve begin to investigate, their search taking them into the countryside but where Z's organisation seems to have agents everywhere...

A fast moving film that stretches a small budget as far as it can go, unfortunately a lot of the film takes place in hotel rooms or driving around country lanes (though Temple drives an early Aston Martin which is interesting). The film is based on a radio serial and has that feel with regular cliff hangers. Basic but effective.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

This isn't just Bond, it is Bond at it's most bonkers. Total genius!

British and Russian ballistic nuclear submarines go missing. James Bond (Roger Moore) joins forces with a top KGB agent in the Bond-friendly form of Major Amasova (Barbara Bach) to investigate. As usual the trail leads to exotic locations, in this case Egypt where Bond and Amasova first encounter the man mountain Jaws (Richard Kiel) who has a mouthful of iron.

Bond and Amasova soon discover that mega rich industrialist Stromberg (Curd Jürgens) is somehow behind the plot, he is obsessed with creating a new society living under the seas. Bond wonders why has he got a new gigantic oil tanker with a curious bow which looks like it could open. Why the tanker looks big enough to be able to store two large submarines...

It is completely over the top of course. The gadgety and gimmicks are dialled up to the max. The film includes one of Bond's most iconic cars, the Lotus that could become a submarine. So many British boys (including myself of course) in the late 70s / early 80s had model versions.

Curse of the Fly (1965)

The third instalment in the Fly trilogy, don't actually expect any flies, do expect a surprisingly good film.

Martin (George Baker) is heading home when he spies a young woman running in her underwear. Naturally he stops to help her. He falls in love with Patricia (Carole Gray) and marries her after a quick romance, even though she is on the run from a psychiatric hospital!

Martin brings Patricia home to meet his father Henri (Brian Donlevy) who is conducting mysterious experiments involving teleportation, why Henri is the son of the man who became The Fly... 

There are no flies in this film but there are hideous mutants, the results of teleportation experiments gone wrong, and kept in the stables. Henri's servants Tai (Burt Kwouk) and Wan (Yvette Rees) are also rather odd, especially Wan who takes a dislike to Patricia and tries to drive her insane. Soon the poor girl is recoiling in terror from the dark secrets of her father-in-law's house...

This is a fine film, marred only by the low budget which is felt sometimes in the effects. The film has a real feeling of doom and menace and plenty of twists, including the final deadly one.

A Night in the Show (1915)

Charlie Chaplin goes to the theatre, obviously mayhem ensues. Firstly he has trouble getting a seat he likes, and of course causes a lot of disruption changing it. Finally he gets into a fight with the conductor and is thrown out! 

Meanwhile in the cheap seats is a tramp, who looks rather like Chaplin's future iconic character, who causes even more trouble. When a fire eater is on stage he thinks the building is on fire and starts to hose down the stage... and the audience!

The film is of it's time, violent slapstick without any real story or meaning. Chaplin at this stage was randomly punching people for laughs, which in itself is sometimes funny though something better was yet to come.

Yesterday's Target (1996)

Incoherent, cheap and shabby. Perfect trash movie then.

It is the dark far future (well 2025 anyway) and three people are sent into the past to perform a secret mission. Unfortunately when they arrive back in the mid-1990s they have no memory of who they are or what they are supposed to be up to. Thus Paul (Daniel Baldwin) only has a vague idea of who he is, and doesn't know he has special powers. Holden (Malcolm McDowell) does have some idea about it, thanks to Winstrom (LeVar Burton) and his powers of clairvoyance. 

Paul finds his two comrades, Jessica (Stacy Haiduk) - who can see into the near future and thus uses her skills to rip off casinos, and Carter (TK Carter) who can set fire to things and works as a cook (handy). Holden and Winstrom's goons are out to capture them, or kill them. Paul discovers that they were sent back into the past to change the future and facilitate the next development in humanity. Or something.

What does this film mean? Who really knows? There probably was a reasonable science fiction story somewhere but it seemed to get discarded fairly early. LeVar Burton tries his best to be a bad guy, but some people are just too nice for it to be convincing!

Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

America under attack by spiders and even William Shatner cannot save the day.

Walter's (Woody Strode) prize calf dies mysteriously, the local cowboy vet Dr "Rack" (Shatner) investigates. With the cause of death a mystery he calls in expert Diane (Tiffany Bolling), though as she is a girl Rack seems to have trouble taking her seriously, or is more interested in getting into her pants than anything else. Basically this is Captain Kirk in a Stetson.

Diane discovers that the calf was killed by incredibly potent spider venom, soon tarantulas are everywhere and people are dying fast. Rack, Diane and a few others end up holed up at a lodge surrounded by millions of tarlantulas...

This is a standard spider attack film, including plenty of shots of people opening hatches above their heads (for some reason) and spiders falling on them. Shatner is Shatner, which will probably make or break the film for you. I think its great, even though i hate spiders!

Giant from the Unknown (1958)

A 1950s monster movie with a difference, well a little bit of difference anyway.

Something monstrous is killing animals in the Californian woods, local scientist Wayne (Ed Kemmer) has discovered a living example of an extinct lizard which was kept alive in a rock for millennia so something odd is going on. Dr Cleveland (Morris Ankrum) and his daughter Janet (Sally Fraser) have meanwhile arrived to look for evidence of a Conquistador giant. With the help of Wayne they find Conquistador remains but the giant himself is not quite as dead as might be expected...

A standard and perfectly reasonable monster film, though the monster is not from outer space but Renaissance Spain (someone should have told the poster maker that). However, the film has a rather gaping plot hole. We see Vargas the giant (Buddy Baer) seemingly coming back to life but if that is so then what was killing and mutilating the farm animals mentioned earlier in the film? Vargus has the typical motivations of a Spanish officer bought back to life after centuries in suspended animation: kill everyone or find something to have sex with!

Hands of a Stranger (1962)

An interesting premise but drowned in a sea of overacting.

A man is gunned down in the street, later that night a rising young pianist called Vernon (James Noah) is being taken home after a concert when his smugness is interrupted by a terrible car crash leaving him with mangled hands. Dr Harding (Paul Lukhather) decides he can save the young pianist's hands and career by transplanting the hands from the man killed earlier. Afterwards, the operation appearing to be successful, both Vernon and his creepily close sister Dina (Joan Harvey) both react bizarrely when told about the transplant...

They act like Dr Harding cut Vernon's hands off and stuck them on his head! Later on is when the trouble really starts though, and the killings and revenge begins. Has Vernon been given the hands of a killer? 

This could have been a decent film, it has a Noir look and a decent (if unoriginal) story. However, the acting is awful and the film spends too long getting going with too much conversation and not enough action (baby).

The Power (1984)

Low wattage horror thrills.

A mysterious idol, which gives the holder demonic power, and also tears the holder apart ends up in the possession of a bunch of American High School kids (naturally!) They witness mysterious goings on in a crypt while using an Ouija board. Later on the guard at the crypt is mysteriously killed. Journalist Sandy (Suzy Stokey) isn't really interested in the kids' story though her ex Jerry (Warren Lincoln), who for some reason is in town, becomes really interested...

Jerry becomes the next person to possess the idol, and become transformed into a deranged beast while life around him is torn apart...

Not a bad horror film though somewhat disjointed. The start of the film, setting up the story of the idol, is like three separate films or the film makers couldn't decide how to start the film so filmed all three ideas. The horror is good, with plenty of poltergeist action and some average prosthetics. The story doesn't make a lot of sense (of course).

Safety Last! (1923)

An iconic film, even if you are normally unfamiliar with silent movies you probably have seen the scene of Harold Lloyd hanging off the side of a tall building holding onto the hand of a clock!

Lloyd is a country boy who heads off to the big city. He gets a job as a clerk at a department store. In love with Milfred Davis, he needs plenty of money to get married. To get a big reward from the boss for promoting the store he ends up climbing the side of the building with some truly death defying stunts...

There is more to the film than the building climb but that is what you will remember (the earlier parts of the film can be a bit run of the mill at times) and the stunts are extraordinary. The scene where Harold tries to trick Milfred that he is a store manager though is also a delight.

The Magnetic Monster (1953)

A strange but enjoyable sci-fi thriller.

Dr Stewart (Richard Carlson) is called to a mysterious case of magnetism at a home appliance store, even lawn mowers moving about on their own. He and his team discover a deadly radioactive substance was in a lab above the shop (was that a thing in the 1950s? Science labs above shops?!) Another scientist called Denker (Leonard Mudie) has accidentally created a terrible new radioactive substance which requires huge amounts of energy every few hours and will reach out with magnetic claws to get it...

Dr Stewart and team decamp to Canada where a huge dynamo exists underground, the plan is to overfeed the substance before it grows powerful enough to destroy the world...

The underground dynamo footage comes from the 1934 film Gold, a decent job is made of integrating the footage though it is pretty obvious. This is a good sci-fi horror, the "creature" is a faceless unthinking substance, this film reminds me of Quatermass to some extent. The film tries to keep a degree of scientific realism, including a narrator going into detail about various scientific and computational activities. Maybe this kills the film of a bit of drama though it does add to the historic interest.

Steptoe and Son Ride Again (1973)

Feature length movie versions of popular British sitcoms were popular in the 1970s, this indeed was the second film based on Steptoe and Son and unfortunately they should have quit while they were ahead.

Steptoe (Wilfred Brambell) and his son Harold (Harry H Corbett) are rag and bone men in London, trying to turn people's trash into treasure (and unfortunately usually failing). With money running out and bills mounting, Steptoe and Harold are in trouble. Things are made worse when their horse becomes lame and needs to be retired. Harold is given his Dad's life savings to buy a new horse, he comes home drunk with a greyhound instead!

Harold claims the greyhound will win them enough money to turn their business and lives around. Naturally things do not go to plan. In desperation Harold concocts a plot to fake Steptoe's death and claim the insurance...

The film is a reasonable watch but it just doesn't seem to be that funny. The situations are comical, and there are some good guest stars including Diana Dors, but the magic just seems to be missing and, with most sitcom movie conversions, the ideas just get overstretched. That is not to say the film isn't worth a watch, the view of a soon to vanish London is fascinating and the greyhound is a lovely dog.

Fatty Joins the Force (1913)

Fatty Arbuckle thinks joining the police will sort him with his beau.

Fatty's girlfriend Dot Farley likes a man in uniform. When a child falls into the lake she encourages Fatty to save it, by pushing him in after it! Happily Fatty does save the child after much splashing about and it turns out that the child is the daughter of the Police Commissioner (George Nichols). Fatty is rewarded by being made a police officer. However, he soon finds out that being a police officer and tackling criminal types isn't that much fun...

A perfectly fine if unexceptional little slapstick comedy film. Not all the gags work but Arbuckle does a decent job with the material he is given.

Dark Tower (1987)

A rather strange horror, not without some bright spots though few and far between.

Carolyn (Jenny Agutter) is the architect of a rather horrible looking new skyscraper in Barcelona. Mysterious happenings which result in grisly deaths and plenty of gore. Investigator Dennis (Michael Moriarty) brings in a paranormal investigator in Dr Gold (Theodore Bikel) after he suspects something really weird is going on. Dennis thinks that Carolyn's missing presumed dead husband might be behind the evil spirit...

Not the best horror film by any means, the film is rather cheap and not very cheerful. It is also rather disjointed and illogical. The horror thrills though are frequently quite exciting if ridiculous. 

Don't Talk to Strange Men (1962)

A neat little thriller warning nice middle class girls of the dangers of talking to strange men.

Jean (Christina Gregg) is heading home, waiting at the bus stop the telephone rings in an adjacent phone box. She answers it and speaks to a smooth voiced man. Jean gets a bit teenager giddy about it, telling her younger sister Ann (Janina Faye) though not her parents. Every day she speaks to the man again, falling in love, and eventually arranges to meet him for real.

Meanwhile there is a manhunt going on for a maniac who murders young women. Jean starts to get cold feet but is it too late?

A modest but well made film, the pacing is slow but the tension rises. You know Jean is making a big mistake but her teenage innocence drives her on and, well we have plenty of examples of how that innocence has been taken advantage of by groomers in real life. A good film.

The Trespasser (1929)

An early talkie, sometimes a little melodramatic but an interesting film all the same.

Marion (Gloria Swanson) is a stenographer who falls in love with the boss' son Jack (Robert Ames). They elope and get married but the father-in-law disapproves of his son marrying a poor girl. The marriage is quickly annulled but Marion is already pregnant. Despite great difficulty (this is the 1920s after all), Marion raises the boy herself. She suffers all sorts of troubles (she has some remarkably bad luck) and ends up losing the son but can she regain him and Jack?

This was Gloria Swanson's first talkie (though the film was made in sound and silent versions) and her triumph earning her an Oscar nomination. Some of the acting is a hybrid of the highly expressive silent era style and the new more static talkie style. The film is rather melodramatic, cliched and a bit corny but a very interesting and stylish watch.

The Gold Express (1955)

A nice little crime drama, though the criminals are rather inept!

A gang plan to steal gold which is being bought down to London on the sleeper train. Their heist will involve Rover (Patrick Boxhill) overpowering the guard in the van and then tossing the gold out while the train is travelling very slow uphill to where his mates are waiting (after being stopped multiple times by the police for dodgy lights or speeding).

Also on the train is newly married journalists Bob (Vernon Gray) and Mary (Ann Walford), Bob combining writing a piece on the gold with his honeymoon. Also there are the rather eccentric old ladies Agatha (May Hallett) and Emma (Ivy St Hellier) who write bloody crime novels. Plus the determined Pearl (Delphi Lawrence) who plans to shoot Rover...

All rather bright and breezy, cheap and cheerful with a motley crew of standard British characters. Not a great film though certainly worthwhile.

Empire of the Ants (1977)

A film about radioactive giant ants, probably as good as it could have been which isn't saying much.

Marilyn (Joan Collins) is arranging a tour of a Florida island, which she wants to sell plots of land to naive customers. Don't show the drum of nuclear waste which has been dumped on the beach. Some ants get enveloped in leaking nasty stuff.

Marilyn and her motley crew of 1970s disaster/monster film stereotypes are soon menaced by human sized ants. Their boat is attacked and destroyed leaving them marooned on the island. A battle for survival begins as they try and flee the giant ants, many falling and being torn to pieces in some rather graphic scenes...

It is ridiculous of course, the giant ants don't look too bad as puppets in close-ups (though scenes with magnified real ants not so good) but the horror and gore hit the spot. The film lacks some menace though for some reason and the plot is the usual nonsense with people behaving very strangely and annoying. For a giant insect monster film however, it isn't bad, though that isn't exactly a high bar.

The Comedy of Terrors (1963)

A comedy horror romp that skirts a little too close to the edge between hilarious and terrible.

Smug undertaker Waldo (Vincent Price) is horrible to everyone including his assistant Felix (Peter Lorre) and his wife Amaryllis (Joyce Jameson). He is also trying to kill his father-in-law Amos (Boris Karloff). However, Waldo has a problem, there isn't enough business and he has a big bill to pay given to him by Mr Black (Basil Rathbone). 

If enough people arn't dying in the town then Waldo has a dark and depraved way to solve that... kill people himself!

An interesting black comedy with a superb cast. It does include some truly delicious wickedness (i like the joke that Waldo reuses the same coffin over and over, tossing the occupant out when everyone has gone and taking the coffin home for a clean!) At times though the film is a little too goofy and cheesy. The cast makes it worthwhile.

Curse of the Faceless Man (1958)

Nothing that new in the genre perhaps, but pretty well done. An enjoyable 1950s monster film.

From the ruins of Pompeii a petrified gladiator is unearthed. It doesn't take long for terrible things to start happening, the gladiator comes to life and kills the driver taking it to the museum! Dr Mallon (Richard Anderson) begins to investigate and finds that the gladiator carries a curse though is sceptical that the gladiator's body is still alive however, soon he comes face to face with the brutal creature.

Meanwhile, Mallon's secretary Tina (Elaine Edwards) begins to have strange visions of the gladiator. A link between her and the gladiator starts to develop. Maybe the monster's motivation isn't just to destroy but something a little deeper...

An interesting film that raises itself above the herd (though lets face it a lot of that herd are pretty terrible). The film is well constructed and paced. The monster scenes just edge the right side of the chills / cheese divide. The story has a little bit more intelligence than usual.

The Primrose Path (1925)

A decent melodrama though it certainly packs plenty in.

Bruce (Wallace MacDonald) is well off, unfortunately he spends his money on gambling and booze. Despite the fact he is a bit of a loser, his gal Marilyn (Clara Bow) sticks by him. Bruce ends up gambling with the boss Tom (Stuart Holmes) of the establishment where Marilyn works as a dancer. Bruce loses big and can't pay up. To avoid jail he has no choice but to be involved in diamond smuggling with Tom.

The troubles however, continue to rack up for Bruce. He gets involved in a death and it all spells ruin (and the electric chair) for Bruce, and despair for his widowed mother and crippled brother (just in case you haven't got enough melodrama!)

An emotional film but handled with enough subtlety to keep things just about bearable.