Escape from El Diablo (1983)

A terrible film really though a useful guide at what not to do when you visit a rough bar next to a brutal Mexican prison.

A group of young Americans, tired of getting into fights they somehow win in California, instead decide to head over the border to a notorious bar. Daniel (Jimmy McNichol) and Pauli (Timothy Van Patten) arrive in town, already heading into trouble, given dire warnings by the sinister looking Patrick Mower and a fight with a prison guard. 

Despite this the two lads are happy to stay, ending up in a brawl after stealing Mower's (who turns out to be a senior guard at the prison) girlfriend. Naturally Pauli ends up stuck in prison, Daniel hunted by the guards (though at the same time as Mower is trying to extort money from him which obviously makes sense)...

Yes the film makes no sense what so ever. The sheer stupidity of the mains makes it hard to care about them. They are the kind of idiots who would fire guns at a nuclear reactor for the laughs. The early 1980s cheese factor may entertain you some what but the film can't really be recommended.

Speed Zone (1989)

An unofficial third Cannonball Run film, and it is all pretty awful.

The notorious Cannonball Race across America is due to be held again, though the tough (and chihuahua holding) Police Chief (Peter Boyle) is determined to stop it and arrests half of the drivers. The race goes ahead with a new crop of stereotypes... i mean drivers. The driving antics continue across America with the police in hot pursuit, and nothing you haven't seen before with a much better cast.

This isn't that good a film, its watchable and enjoyable enough but your attention will soon waver after about the 6th smashed up police car. 

The main cast is a little unknown compared to the real Cannonball Run films apart from John Candy though the film does have some great cameos including Lee Van Cleef (in one of his last films) and Brooke Shields. James Farr as The Sheik is really the only character from the earlier/real films in the series.

Riding the Edge (1989)

A bit cheesy, it is the 1980s after all, but also a pretty good film.

John Harman (Lyman Ward) is working on a top secret solar energy project in the Sahara. His facility is raided by terrorists who want the revolutionary chip that will change the world. The terrorists want the chips in return for John's safety. They also want his son Matt (Raphael Sbarge) to deliver the chips to them. So begins Matt's adventure who quickly wants to go his own way as he doesn't trust the authorities. He gets help from Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart) - who just happens to be travelling the desert in a white jeep...

This is a great film underpinned by a straight forward plot and drips with 1980s cheese. The only drawback of the film is the character of Matt who can be unbelievably naive at times, he seems genuinely shocked when Maggie turns out to be a US agent and not a young white woman taking a joy ride across Libya. However, he does have the good luck to find people who speak excellent English no matter how remote he gets in the desert! 

It is a fun film with some good action scenes, recommended.

Buy and Cell (1988)

Our 1,500th review!

A zany, maybe sometimes a little too weird, comedy set in the world of high finance and other crime.

Herbie (Robert Carradine) is set up to be the fall guy by his boss. Now in prison for fraud, he finds himself sharing a cell with the somewhat deranged Sly (Michael Winslow) and threatened by the various prison hard men including Cowboy (Roddy Piper). He is also abused by the Warden (Malcolm McDowell) who wants to use Herbie's skills to make himself rich...

Herbie's only way out is to use his skills in high finance and make the convicts rich. He also has a plan to bring down the Warden and his crooked former bosses...

This is a rather crazy film, the prison filled full of bizarre characters, sometimes a bit predictable. It is an enjoyable film with plenty of high points though at times it does veer over the thin line between zany into annoying. Michael Winslow reprises his sound effect gimmick from Police Academy though this treasure could have been made a lot more of.

1984 (1984)

A superb adaptation of the George Orwell classic tale.

It is 1984 and the world is now a dark dystopia of authoritarian rule by Big Brother, who uses disinformation and lies to control the population (with brutal security forces as well if all else fails). Winston Smith (John Hurt) is a low-level party operative whose job is to literally rewrite history to present the reality Big Brother wants, and to be happily consumed by the brain washed population. Smith however, is not a true believer and writes subversive thoughts in his diary.

He meets and falls in love with Julia (Suzanna Hamilton), another party operative who also wants something more than Big Brother will allow. They begin a secret (and illegal) love affair. Winston is contacted by a higher up party official (Richard Burton) who appears to be part of an underground movement. However, once again all is not what it seems and the secret double life of Smith and Julia soon comes crashing down...

The world building here is top notch, the world of Big Brother is dark and terrifying (especially the torture scenes) and also a warning to us all. A very good film. This was Richard Burton's final film before his death.

North Sea Hijack (1980)

The tension builds and builds in this slightly eccentric action tale.

Criminals led by Kramer (Anthony Perkins) seize an oil rig tender in the North Sea and hook up explosives to two rigs, they want millions in cash or there is going to be a rather large explosion. Admiral Brinsden (James Mason) is to negotiate with the criminals, though his assistant ffolkes (Roger Moore) is really an expert in anti-terrorist operations at sea and his team are planning an attack...

The film has a great set-up though you have to wait a long time for the big action set-piece (which probably isn't that big after all). It is worth the wait though as the tension is built up very well thoughout. Ffolkes character is superbly odd (and very unlike Moore's Bond in many ways) and adds a great deal of interest to this otherwise fairly straight forward tale.

Light Blast (1985)

An insanely violent 1980s crime/science fiction film.

Dr Soboda (Ennio Girolami) is a renegrade scientist who has developed a death ray. He uses it to blow up a train and melt the unfortunate couple getting it on inside a boxcar. Soboda wants millions of dollars from the San Francisco authorities otherwise he will use his death ray again. He indeed does use this at a race track to deadly effect.

Supercop Inspector Ronn (Erik Estrada) is tasked with stopping Soboda. His investigations consists of getting into a string of fights including in a morgue! In fact there are a lot of fights in this, many many fights and many many deaths.

This is a fun 1980s action romp, full of stunts and action scenes and doesn't make a lot of sense. Not a film for character development, much in the way of plot or any logic. But the film is highly enjoyable as a mindless action romp so who cares?

Thief (1981)

A gritty crime drama on the mean streets of early 1980s Chicago.

Frank (James Caen) is a successful safe breaker but he always works for himself. Unfortunately when he crosses paths with the mob led by Leo (Robert Prosky) and is forced to work for him instead. 

Life is going well for Frank though, he is married to Jessie (Tuesday Welt), has a nice house and an adopted child (which Leo arranged). The big diamond heist in California goes well but when Frank wants to quit, Leo doesn't take no for an answer. To escape, Frank has to put everything at risk...

A highly enjoyable film and involving film, especially the safe cracking scenes. Appearances by Jim Belushi and Willie Nelson are also very welcome.

Cold-Blooded Murder (1981)

A violent and rather confusing, though thrilling, crime and martial arts film.

A maniac (Michael Chan), who we learn in flashback saw his baby son die due to his wife cheating with a gangster, begins killing prostitutes in a number of horrific ways. The Inspector (Carter Huang) has been tasked to catch the attacker but is coming under increasing pressure as the body count rises and his investigations turn up blank. One of his men (Bruce Le) is also in a personal war with gangster Lau Dan who brings in the buff Bolo Leung to help him out...

Actual policework seems quite hard to find though, apart from using policewoman Lam Hoi-Ling as a hapless decoy. There is a lot of fighting and violence instead, a hell of a lot. This is an enjoyable film if you like kung fu, in fact a very good action film. Though if you like a coherent plot, and characters who don't do bizarre things for no apparent reason, then maybe this isn't your night. 

The film's main problem is the two unconnected plots, the gangster plot seems to be here just so the film can have it's Bruceploitation fix, it does detract from the more interesting crime plot which would have benefited from more screen time. The film is still a great watch, even if it should have been two films...

Ninja Strike Force (1988)

Another Godfrey Ho cut and paste martial arts film mixing an older Asian film with new ninja footage. 

Gordon (Richard Harrison) is a ninja who discovers that his master (Edowan Bersma) owns an ancient sword which bestows great power. However, that doesn't stop the evil Black Ninja from killing the master and taking the sword! Gordon vows to avenge his master, first though he must warn the leader of the five ninja clans and warn them not to be killed by the Black Ninja else he will become unstoppable...

Meanwhile we also have a rather tedious older Taiwanese film starring Eagle Lee which has been added to pad the film out, clever editing giving the veneer of the characters of the two films interacting. 

Unfortunately while some of the films of this type like Ninja Terminator actually end up being pretty good, Ninja Strike Force doesn't really work. The ninjas having headbands which have "ninja" written on them really doesn't scream quality and the older film is a bit boring. The modern ninja fighting footage is campy but fun making the film watchable but not much more.

Devil Dynamite (1987)

A very very strange film. Imagine the strangest film you have ever seen, multiply that strangeness by a million. This is twice as strange.

Steven Cox (Tseung Ha) is a gambler who was sent to prison for ten years because of crime boss Mary (Angela Mao). Now back out of prison he wants revenge. Police officer Alex (Ling Yun) is also after Mary but he has a secret, he turns into a kind of super hero with a silver painted helmet and an outfit made out of tin foil! Mary employs the help of an evil Taoist priest to provide an army of Chinese zombies. There are also some ninjas who get involved in various fights and a child who can vanish...

This makes no sense what so over, but when you realise this is a Godfrey Ho project which mashes up a number of earlier films you can quite understand why this is as characters who are supposedly working together are actually from completely different films!

The story is quite simply bizarre and confusing but the fights between Alex, the zombies and ninjas (which occur a number of times) are actually quite good in a completely over the top cosmic kung fu sense.

Howard the Duck (1986)

This is either something completely awful or a work of genius (twisted admittedly).

Howard (voiced by Chip Zien) is just an average duck on a world of ducks but then he is bought to a world of humans (Earth!) when a science experiment by Dr Jenning (Jeffrey Jones) goes wrong. Howard is trapped in a strange land, the only friend he has is Beverly (Lea Thompson), the singer in a failing rock band. 

With the help of Beverly and her friend Phil (Tim Robbins), Howard tries to find a way to get home but that might be the least of his troubles when the experiment goes wrong again and unleashes an extraterrestrial evil on the world...

This is a really crazy film, the star being a sarcastic anthropomorphic duck! The special effects, especially Howard's puppetry and suit work, are pretty decent and the film has some good action set pieces including a microlight chase, some good sassy humour, and even a human-duck sex scene! Once you reassure yourself that you are really seeing such a film and not having an acid trip then there is much here to enjoy, and occasionally cringe over. 

The Thundering Ninja (1987)

Incredible martial arts nonsense as the CIA take on a ninja crime organisation.

Plans for a ballistic missile are wanted by the ninjas (quite why is unknown) led by Pedro Ernyes. However, despite ambushing some suits, the ninjas are still to get their hands on the plans. CIA agent, and ninja, Sydney (Stuart Smith) employs his investigator (Wang Yin) to find out who is behind the ninja's plans. The investigator's son (Jimmy Wang) is part of the ninja's support gang and gets into many fights. Finally, Sydney foils the ninja plans to get the plans and prepares for a showdown with the boss...

This film is one of those 1980s ninja epics which employed much footage from another, earlier, film to pad it out. The scenes with Jimmy Wang and Wang Yin comes from the 1970s Taiwanese film The Criminal. The footage is heavily doctored and re-dubbed to try and fit in with the ninja plot. It doesn't quite work though as in all of these mash-ups as the actors from the two films of course never meet (though they do "speak" over the telephone!)

This is a fun film though, completely crazy. The ninja action is incredibly over the top, just as it should be. It shouldn't work, but somehow it does.

Escape from DS-3 (1981)

Very low budget science fiction, which is surprising good even though not that much happens.

In some future nightmare where everyone wears matching bright polyester outfits, intelligence agent Lavette (Jackson Bostwick) is framed for a crime and sent to an orbital prison. After a short tour of the prison (which includes brutal future electro torture by sadistic guards, constant surveillance and scheduled sexbot sessions) Lavette decides to escape. He concocts a complicated plan with his three of his fellow prisoners including Bubba Smith who would later star in Police Academy.

This is a very cheaply made film, the future seems to consist of endless grey corridors and matching jumpsuits. This film does not have a great deal of action until the very end and then the film concludes quite abruptly. Before that we have a lot of slow build-up and tension as Lavette prepares for the escape. 

Somehow this is quite an enjoyable and watchable film, despite everything.

P.O.W.: the Escape (1986)

David Carradine and his buddies kill the enemy so easily you wonder just how the US lost the Vietnam War?

With the Vietnam War drawing to the close the US are desperate to get their men held prisoner by the North Vietnamese. Colonel Cooper (Carradine) is captured on an unsuccessful raid on a prison camp and ends up a prisoner himself in a camp under the control of the brutal Vinh (Mako). However, Vinh is not a true believer, he in fact wants to flee to the US with a load of gold he has stolen. He manages to persuade Cooper to help him escape, in return for letting Cooper and the other prisoners flee.

But the escape is a difficult one, with the North Vietnamese Army pursuing them and dissent between the US soldiers themselves. This includes Sparks (Charles Grant) who wants the gold for himself and isn't afraid of killing friend or foe to get it...

So, this is gung ho nonsense of course but is terrific fun if you fancy a bit of mindless war action. It is a very butch film, the only female character being a bar girl (Irma Alegre) who spends most of her screen name naked! A high body count makes up for a meagre plot.

King Solomon's Mines (1985)

With a great cast, this film ruthlessly and hilariously sends up Indiana Jones.

Jesse's (Sharon Stone) father has gone missing in Africa, and she has hired Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) to help her find him. In fact her father has discovered the location of King Solomon's fabled mine and massive diamond wealth. Unfortunately the unscrupulous Colonel Bockner (Herbert Lom) and Dogati (John Rhys-Davies) have captured him and are trying to get the information out of him by fair means or foul (actually no just foul)...

Their adventure becomes a series of exciting though somewhat improbable action set pieces across Africa including on a train and in the air. All the time our heroes are trying to avoid getting eaten by wildlife and the natives...

A very silly film, a well done parody of Indiana Jones and the like. The jokes are corny and the action frequently improbable but that is the point. Very entertaining.

Fear City (1984)

A sleazy tale of vice and murder in the big city that doesn't quite get out of third gear.

Strippers in NY are being attacked and soon murdered by a mysterious attacker (Neil Clifford) whose motivations and background are never really explained apart from that he knows martial arts. The strippers are managed by Nicky (Jack Scalia) and Matt (Tom Berenger) who is an ex-boxer whose career was ended by his mental trauma after killing an opponent in the ring. Nicky and Matt think their rivals are behind the attacks but when their rivals' strippers are also attacked they know something more is up. 

The police in the form of Wheeler (Billy Dee Williams) are keen to bust everyone's ass though don't seem to be doing much to find the attacker, but then again neither does Matt until the very end of the film and the inevitable final showdown...

Despite being a rather gory film about a serial attacker the film lacks a lot of tension, you do get a lot of near naked women gyrating in seedy glubs though. Much of the film deals with Matt's demons and his eventual redemption. As for the attacker, well he doesn't say a word. Not a bad film but could have been so much more.

Lady Mobster (1988)

An enjoyable TV movie showing how a young woman rises through the mobster ranks on a mission of revenge.

After mobster Victor Castle (Joseph Wiseman) announces plans to go straight, his accountant and his wife are killed by an assassin (Anthony James). The daughter Laurel (Susan Lucci) manages to escape and is bought up by the Castle family. 

A number of years later she is a promising young lawyer but returns to the Castle family as Victor is ailing and his plan to finally become legitimate is in trouble. Despite Victor's misgivings, Laurel becomes involved with the family business with the help of Nick (Michael Nader) but discovers the assassin who killed her parents is still at large...

A good mobster film though perhaps contains nothing you haven't seen elsewhere. This is done very well though and has a suitably dark conclusion after a number of twists.

Alien from L.A. (1988)

A cheesy 1980s sci-fi comedy, it is totally nonsense but looks amazing and is great fun.

Wanda (Kathy Ireland) is a nerd girl who never does anything exciting. She finds out her archaeologist father (Richard Haines) has gone missing in Africa and heads out to try and find him. She ends falling down a large hole her father once dug and ends up in a weird subterranean world. The inhabitants of this underground world look like extras from Mad Max but do speak English. Wanda travels with Gus (William R Moses) to the city where she soon finds herself hunted by the authorities who want to suppress knowledge of the world above...

This is a crazy film which doesn't make a lot of sense but it looks great. Aesthetically it is a mixture of Mad Max and the sort of future shock pop videos popular in the late 1980s. A feature length pop video therefore and well worth seeing.

The Salamander (1981)

Not quite as good as it could have been but this is an engaging and complex thriller.

A number of prominent figures in Italian society have been murdered. Police officer Dante (Franco Nero) investigates the murders which are linked by a calling card of the figure of a salamander. Dante begins to unravel a fascist plot to stage a coup and now his life and that of Lili (Sybil Danning) is in danger...

This film has a great cast including Anthony Quinn and Christopher Lee though at times can be a bit hard going. The storyline is complicated but lacks the right amount of energy and dynamism to make this compelling and not a bit of a slog. The film is worth seeing though for the good performances and the intrigue which can be down right dark at times, especially in the torture scenes.