Missile X: Tehran Incident (1979)

Unintentionally hilarious sub-Bond nonsense. A peace summit is due to be held in the Persian Gulf but the Baron (Curt Jurgens) seeks to attack it using a stolen Russian nuclear missile (which so obviously looks like it has been made out of cardboard). CIA agent Franklin (Peter Graves) is sent to Iran where he meets up with his Soviet counterpart Senyonov (Michael Dante) to find out whats going on.

Quite what their plan is remains a mystery as they seem to aimlessly move from one fight to the other, including a formless brawl in a casino. Luckily for our heroes the Baron's men are low-rent thugs including a man with a metal arm that can project spikes. They all share a lack of ability to fight and shoot straight in scene after scene. 

Franklin meanwhile sleeps with women young enough to be his daughter (at least). As the film progresses you get the impression he might be a little too old to be throwing himself around an Iranian backyard. It probably would have been a decent role for Graves about fifteen years earlier into his career.

It is a fun (if approached in the right manner) if nonsensical film. The film does have a great funk soundtrack, though most of the time it rather jars with the action, sometimes drowning out the dialogue too. This adds to the "joy" of the film of course. The view of Iran just before the revolution is also fascinating and revealing.

The Skull (1965)

A superbly creepy supernatural horror. Maitland (Peter Cushing) and Phillips (Christopher Lee) are keen researchers of witchcraft and always looking for interesting items to further their research. Marco (Peter Wymark) brings Maitland a book about the Marquis de Sade... bound in human skin. But that's not all... he also has the skull of the Marquis de Sade himself!

The skull once belonged to Phillips but was stolen from him... but he is not keen to get it back. He tells Maitland the skull is possessed by demonic forces. This doesn't put Maitland off but when he goes to Marco's to buy it he finds the man killed. When Matland has the skull she soon finds dark forces are also driving him... to kill his own wife (Jill Bennett)...

The film is tremendous fun, maybe verging on cheese at times especially when the skull flies around the room. Everything is saved by the great cast. The horror is mostly by suggestion instead of overt gore but that usually makes for a better horror film.

Knee Deep in Music (1933)

A curious but enjoyable little film. A tycoon (Nat Carr) seeks a song to sell his tinned fish on the radio. He hires Ruth Etting for the job but the search is on for the correct song. This short film though is basically a vehicle to showcase Etting's singing with some light humour and even a bit of music industry satire added to pad the film out.

Her singing is pretty good though some of the other songs ain't so hot. But will any of the songs sell fish? The jury is out on that one.

Secret of the Incas (1954)

A rather shabby American adventurer in grubby khakis and a floppy fedora seeks hidden treasures in lost civilisations. But wait this isn't Indiana Jones but Harry Steele (Charlton Heston)! Steele is a shady bum who guides/rips off tourists in a remote Peruvian town while also seeking the gold and jewel encrusted star burst from the Incan Temple of the Sun.

He needs a plane though to get to Machu Picchu, his chance comes when fleeing Romanian lovely Elena (Nicole Maurey) arrives in town. He uses her as bait to steal a plane hired by the Romanian secret service. He and Elena begin a trip through jungle and across mountains until they reach Machu Picchu. There to his dismay he finds there is already a party of archaeologists led by Dr Moorehead (Robert Young) and who have already found the tomb...

A very satisfying adventure, Heston plays Steele as a real anti-hero (though turns out to be the good guy in the end which is perhaps a bit of a cop out), he doesn't want to find the Incan relic to advance our knowledge of history but to become rich! The film is worth seeing for the number of scenes ripped off in Raiders of the Lost Ark nearly thirty years later. The rather extraordinary singing by Yma Sumac is also something which deserves a watch (or listen).

Stargames (1998)

A bizarre low-budget science-fiction film. Lugos (Conrad Haden), a giant bug who wears a rug, wants to conquer the universe of course. The ruler of the universe is.... Tony Curtis! Or rather Curtis playing King Fendel. Fendel sends his grandson Kirk (Travis Clark) off to Earth for his own safety...

Meanwhile on Earth video gamer Brian (Trevor Clark) is hating bring dragged into the countryside by his parents. He gets lost in the woods after being chased by a bear and bumps into Kirk. Together with Kirk and his magic watch Brian then has to fight Lugos' somewhat inept warriors and finally Lugos himself...

The special effects are poor even for the period and most of the film consists of aimless running around in the woods. The acting is almost universally terrible and the prop and costume design awful. Kirk for example looks like he is a page boy in a Regency drama, Lugos' warriors look like Lego people.

In the tradition of low-budget trash movies everything is unintentionally hilarious... especially the hologram computer Happy (Daran Norris) which uses the avatar of a clown! The sheer strangeness makes the film worthwhile.