Red Dawn (1984)

Drivel but highly entertaining drivel all the same. It is 1984 and the Soviet Union is on the march, NATO having collapsed due to European liberal weenies (this is a pretty right-wing film to be honest). As a teacher bores his history class he notices paratroopers landing in the playing grounds. He goes out to see who they are and is gunned down. America has been invaded by the Cubans!

A group of kids led by Jed (Patrick Swayze) and Matt (Charlie Sheen) flee into the woods with a pick-up truck full of guns and cans of Coke. With the men in the town rounded up and Soviet tank regiments rolling into the Mid-West, there is only one thing these kids can be: the resistance. They take the name of their school football team, the Wolverines and begin a fight back!

They also make partizan warfare look rather easy as a bunch of untrained teens mow down highly-trained Russian and Cuban troops time and time again. After brutal reprisals don't stop the Wolverines, the Soviet commanders led by Bella (Ron O'Neal) and Bratchenko (Vladek Sheybal) resort to more subtle methods...

Complete nonsense and fairly brain dead fun. The battle scenes are well-done in that very Hollywood-esque way that the "bad guys" can't shoot straight while the heroes never miss. If you brush aside the ridiculous premise and often overt propaganda-ish feel then it is perfectly enjoyable.

Zoltan... Hound of Dracula (1977)

We've had plenty of films about Dracula, and Dracula's brides... but here is a film about his... dog? 

When a Transylvanian vault is disturbed, a demonic black dog and his owner are bought back to life. These were the servants of Count Dracula. Now Veidt (Reggie Nalder) and Zoltan the dog seek the last descent of their master to serve him. Veidt finds out the last Count Dracula is known as Michael Drake (Michael Pataki) and is in the US.

Veidt and Zoltan head across on a boat. Also heading to the US is vampire expert Inspector Branco (José Ferrer) who also wants to find Drake. As for Drake, he is on holiday in the woods with his family. Strange films begin to happen as the family dogs are drawn away by Veidt and Zoltan and the attempts begin to bite Drake so he can become their master. Branco arrives in time to help Drake against Veidt and Zoltan (who to be honest are  rather inept...)

A strange vampire film, often quite ridiculous and low-budget cheesy. Some of the dog attack scenes do have some genuine horror but this is soon replaced by (unintentional) hilarity. A film that is a lot of fun though lacking in too much in the way of chills. The dogs who play Zoltan and the other demonic hounds are very well done.

Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)

Charlie Chan (Warner Oland) and his huge family take centre stage for a change as they all visit a circus while on holiday and Chan gets approached by the circus co-owner Kinney (Paul Stanton) who has been receiving threatening letters. Before Chan can do anything though Kinney is found murdered, suspicion immediately falls on an escaped gorilla. However, Kinney had many enemies and the police (Wade Boteler) suspects everyone including the trapeze artist (Maxine Reiner) and two midgets (George Brasno and Olive Brasno), Can Chan and Number One Son (Keye Luke) find the real culprit?

The crime is a complicated one, which would appear to require circus skills to carry out. Chan devises a complicated scheme to draw the real murderer out into the open and there is a genuine surprise when it is completed. Number One Son genuinely proves his worth (even saving his father's life) for a change and not just provides the comic relief. Not quite the best Charlie Chan film but certainly a very good entry in the series.

Restless Natives (1985)

A joyous and very Scottish romp. Will (Vincent Friell) and Ronnie (Joe Mullaney) are a couple of lads in boring, dead end jobs. They decide to get some excitement and cash in the best way possible: putting on masks and holding up tourist buses in the Highlands! They quickly become folk heroes and even a bit of a tourist attraction. The police (Robert Urquhart) remain clueless, even when the CIA in the form of Bender (Ned Beatty) get involved.

However, things start to get complicated when Will falls in love with the tour guide (Teri Lally) of one of the held-up buses. Ronnie meanwhile starts to get ideas above his station and falls in with a bunch of real criminals...

A great comedy drama with a superb Big Country soundtrack. The nostalgic view of mid-1980s Edinburgh is also a delight.

Monstrosity (1963)

An utterly awful and rather repellant film. A rich and bitter old woman, Mrs March (Marjorie Eaton) is funding the deranged medical experiments of Dr Frank (Frank Gerstile), who is transplanting brains using atomic energy (back in the 50s and 60s atomic radiation was seemingly capable of everything). March wants her brain transplanted into the body of a young woman. She has three maids imported and chooses Bea (Judy Bamber) for her new body even though she has the worst British accent ever.

Things do not run smoothly though, one of Dr Frank's earlier experiments where he put a dog's brain in a man's body menaces the grounds. Dr Frank puts a cat's brain in one of the other maid's Maria (Lisa Lang) body, Cat Maria proceeds to attack and mutilate Bea. The last maid, Nina (Erika Peters), is the new chosen one. When the transfer operation takes place there is a rather surprising twist...

A terrible film, shoddy and awkward and shamelessly exploitative. The best acting on show is probably by Maria when she becomes a cat. Worth experiencing once for the sheer inanity. A very aptly named film.

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Aha another video game movie... which has little relation to the actual game. Evolved dinosaurs led by the maniacal King Koopa (Dennis Hopper) exist in a parallel dimension. Koopa wants to merge the dimension with our own so he can conquer our world with his (to be honest pretty cool) dinosaur tech. However, Daisy (Samantha Mathis) holds the key in the form of a crystal. Can Koopa get his hands on Daisy and the crystal. Bumbling plumbing brothers Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (John Leguizamo) are there to stop him... eventually.

A silly film though the world building is pretty well done, a world of trolley wire powered police cars, rocket boots and guns that can de-evolve creatures. 

It is terrible, though has it's moments and can entertain. The film has plenty of comedy packed into it though much of the comedy does backfire. The film goes on a little too long and the plot meanders too much. The characters ham it up like a pantomine, though it makes less sense.

Terror (1978)

A baffling but highly enjoyable low-budget horror romp. Many years ago a witch is burned and curses the Lord Garrick who ordered her death, with some immediate effects... 

However, this is just a horror film made by director James Garrick (James Nolan) about his ancestors and he has held a private showing to the cast and crew including his cousin Ann (Carolyn Courage).

Things soon going strange, Ann is hypnotised and tries to kill James with a sword! After she runs off, her friend Carol (Gynis Barber) heads off looking for her and is menaced by an unseen threat and then stabbed to death. Ann returns to her shared home with other girls, more deaths follow her including a pervert punter at the club she works at, he winds up impaled on railings! Deaths also start to mount up at James' studio. Really does seem being around the Garrick family is rather unhealthy...

A great horror film, the story is a bit light and is mostly a framework upon which a number of horror scenes are hung. The horror is full of suspense, violent, gruesome and frequently erotic. It is full of weirdness too, its trashy for sure and brilliant.