The Earth Dies Screaming (1964)

A very low-budget science-fiction horror film but does an amazing job with what it has. Tough American pilot Jeff (Willard Parker) arrives in an English village to find everyone dead. Finally he comes across a small number of survivors including Peggy (Virginia Field) and the mysterious Taggart (Dennis Price). Jeff thinks the Earth has been hit by a gas attack, he and all the other survivors all had reasons to evade the gas (aircraft, oxygen tent, air raid shelter). Then Jeff sees some cranky looking robots staggering through the village...

The motley crew of survivors do not get very far, They have a pregnancy to deal with, and alcoholism from one of their members. Finally Jeff discovers that the robots, and dead people bought back to life as zombies, are being controlled by a nearby transmitter. He and Mel (David Spenser) head off with a Land Rover full of explosives...

The film drips with suspense and a moody atmosphere and shows that you don't need a big budget and a wife range of sets and locations to produce an effective science-fiction film. The robots are rather ridiculous, who look like they have been made out of any junk which was handy, the mystery of Taggart is not really explained but our plucky survivors manage to defeat the robots and go home happily for tea.

The Bat (1926)

A very odd though fascinating film. Van Gorder (Emily Fitzroy) and her niece Dale (Jewel Carmen) have taken over a remote country house, unknown to them the previous and now dead owner's money has been concealed in the house. Now a mysterious character and master criminal who dresses as a giant Bat has come to steal it! What follows is a series of spooky antics via hidden passageways and red herrings.

Brooks (Jack Pickford), Dale's fiancé, is the man suspected being behind the (quite frankly) bizarre Bat character. With the help of Detective Anderson (Eddie Gribbon) the Bat is finally run to earth, quite literally thanks to a man trap. But who was the Bat? At the time audiences were asked not to tell people who it was (an early example of no spoilers!), we'll honour that too!

This is basically a dark house mystery with some added suspense and horror and indeed humour thanks to the Bat. The thought of a man dressed as a giant bat to commit murder and robbery is quite surreal and the wonderfully atmospheric sets and clever cinematography really make this film something special. This film was remade in 1930 and that version of the Bat was said to have been a big inspiration behind Batman! 

Country Town (1971)

A tale of drought, tension and romance in the Australian bush. At times this film is very soapy which is no surprise as it was a movie spin-off from the long running Australian TV drama Bellbird. 

The country folk have been hit hard by a drought, many farms are failing and businesses suffering without any cash. Reporter Philip (Gerald Maguire) arrives in town to discover what is going on. His arrival stirs up tensions but the locals rally round to hold a gymkhana to raise funds. Will the rain finally return? 

It probably helps to have seen the soap opera but this is a decent portrayal of country folk and some good rough humour (not always intentional). Also starring Terry MacDermott, Gary Gray and Lynette Curran. This film was made in the middle of the soap's run which continued into the late 1970s.

The Hideous Sun Demon (1958)

Awfully low budget science-fiction nonsense, Scientist Dr Gil (Robert Clarke) is exposed to radiation, however it does not appear to have harmed him... until he sits in direct sunlight and he turns into a reptile! Naturally the only thing to do when this miracle happens is for Gil to be allowed out hospital and live alone in his mansion! He hits the bottle, seduces singer Trudy (Nan Peterson) and kills her minor hoodlum boyfriend George (Peter Similuk) when he faces the sunshine again and re-enters lizard mode.

The police are on the case, well vaguely. Considering a mutant murdering lizard-man is on the loose the police search is rather low-key. But Lizard Gil is finally tracked down to a showdown atop a gas holder...

The film is rather cheap and makes little sense (of course). Gil apparently has a thing for fellow scientist Ann (Patricia Manning) though that doesn't stop him with Trudy. The lack of interest from the government also makes no sense, but then again this was the 1950s so crazy science accidents and bizarre monster threats was probably quite mundane. It might not make much sense but scores high on the cheese-ometer of course.

In the Park (1915)

Fun and frolics with Charlie Chaplin in a park. A thief is loose in the park stealing handbags, but when he tries to pick Charlie's pockets he ends up losing his ciggies. The thief isn't very good at keeping his loot either as the handbag switches from park user to park user. In the end the handbag is reunited with it's owner but she is so angry at her boyfriend, he decides to jump in the lake with Charlie's help! A light film without a huge amount of plot, just a sprinkling of decent gags. Charlie Chaplin was still developing his comedy character and there was still some work to do but a pleasant watch. Edna Purviance is around of course as a maid enjoying the park.

The Detective (1968)

A tough realistic crime drama. Leland (Frank Sinatra) is a tough uncompromising hard-bitten (almost but not quite to the point of self-parody). He investigates the brutal killing of a homosexual, eventually catching an unstable young man (Tony Musante) who ends up in the chair. 

However, the suicide of businessman MacIver (William Windom) opens up a whole new can of worms, which leads Leland to the realisation that he was wrong before and there is a whole nest of vipers behind the scene...

Meanwhile we also explore Leland's life in flashback including his troubled marriage to Karen (Lee Remick) and his various run-ins with his superiors and peers. Leland is a troubled soul in a troubled city...

This is a highly entertaining film with Sinatra playing the role with suitable intensity. The film takes a very mature approach to society and policing and was one the first mainstream films to explore homosexuality. 

The book which this film was based up also had a sequel which was turned into a movie. That movie was Die Hard, so in a way this is a prequel to the Bruce Willis film!

A Fire Has Been Arranged (1935)

A superbly strange crime-comedy-musical with many elements of classic British music hall humour. Bud Flanagan, Chesney Allan and Hal Walters rob a jewellery store and hide the loot in a field before they are pinched by the Old Bill. After doing ten years bird and now free men again, they come looking for their buried loot and find a swanky Art Deco department store has been built on top of it!

The store, run by the even more crooked Cutte (Alastair Sims) and Shuffle (C. Denier Warren), is in trouble though. The books have been thoroughly cooked and the shareholders are in revolt. Cutte has the bright idea to have the store burnt down to claim the insurance money. He needs to commit arson, when his security catch Bud, Chesney and Hal casing out the store he discovers the perfect men to carry out his dastardly deed. What can go wrong? Well basically everything!

A very funny and silly film full of gags and silly situations. There are also a few sound and dance routines by the Buddy Bradley Rhythm Girls. Betty (Mary Lawson) is the daughter of the jewellery store owner who now works at the department store, however this bit of plot isn't really explored in any depth. Despite that a definite hit.

Five Elements Ninjas (1982)

An exhilarating martial arts film and also incredibly violent and bloody. The martial arts headquarters comes under attack from Japanese ninjas led by Kembuchi Mudou (Michael Chan). The master is poisoned and his troops, which includes Xiao Tian Hao (Ricky Cheng), fortify their base. However, the ninjas in the lovely form of Junko (Chan Put-Sai) infiltrates the base and then facilities a full ninja attack. The master is killed and Kembuchi now rules the martial arts world...

Xiao is the only survivor and escapes, with the help of Junko who seems slightly conflicted - probably the only depth or shade of grey in this film - to learn ninja fighting skills himself. With three friends he returns to challenge the ninjas in a final showdown against the five elements of ninja: gold, wood, water, fire and earth...

Don't expect a huge amount of story here, the film is about 95% fighting, but that's really what you want from a film like this. The action is often rather over the top with various wire-fu and mysterious bending of the laws of physics. There is also quite a lot of literal destruction of the human form. An amazing film full of bizarre ninja weapons, men in white capes and Junko in her leather and fishnets outfit.

Lizzies of the Field (1924)

A frantic auto-race comedy short with some incredible (and dangerous looking) stunts. Two garages have a heated rivalry. When an auto-race with a large prize is announced then both garages enter cars. Billy Bevan and Sidney Smith hope to win the race and will do anything to win, unfortunately their rivals feel the same way...

This is an incredible little film packed full of visual gags (for example a car which is actually a bed) and superb stunts. The film's plot (such as it is) lacks much in the way of sophistication. What it certainly doesn't lack is spectacle. 

Shoot to Kill (1947)

An enjoyably tough crime drama with Noir touches. When a police chase ends in the felon's car crashing the police find to their surprise the occupants of the car was wanted gangster Dixie Logan (Robert Kent), DA Laurence Dale (Edmund MacDonald) and his wife Marian (Luana Walters) - the only survivor. In hospital Marian recounts to reporter Mitch (Russell Wade) exactly what happened, which we see in flashbacks.

DA Laurence Dale was corrupt, and had framed Logan for a serious crime. Marian knows that Laurence is in cahoots with the mob and worms her way into firstly the DA's employment and then his affections, with the help of Mitch. Marian is playing a dangerous game though and wants Laurence to bring down the mob, this puts her directly in the firing line. Why exactly is she risking so much?

A rather complicated plot full of double crosses though the rapid pace of the film means you seldom have enough time to get too confused. The Noirish edges and the strong female character help make the film a decent watch.

Love on Delivery (1994)

Ho Kam-An (Stephen Chow) is a hapless dim sum delivery boy who falls in love with martial arts student Lily (Christy Cheng). Unfortunately, she is also the object of the creepy and slimy Judo Master Blackbear (Joe Cheng). 

When Ho Kam-An is humiliated because he can't stand up to Blackbear and Lily gets hurt, he goes to a bizarre kung-fu teacher called Tat (Ng Man Tat) to learn a very strange form of martial arts (which is more a scam) so he can be a hero...

And it is all very very strange, a classic HK comedy which ruthlessly takes the piss out of the likes of the Terminator, Rocky and Karate Kid, to set up a number of very odd comedy situations and an avalanche of gags, weird tangents and Cantonese puns. Although a funny film and very madcap, it's also quite a violent film with a number of crazy and very well choreographed fight scenes. A classic example of a Stephen Chow comedy and very entertaining indeed.

The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965)

A ridiculous if funky surfer monster movie. America's youth are doing what they do best on the beach in the mid-1960s, dancing to rock and roll, fooling about with the opposite sex, and surfing of course. The local marine scientist, Dr Lindsey (Jon Hall), has a very dim view of these activities, especially as his son Richard (Arnold Lessing) for some reason prefers girls and surfing to helping Dad out with fish and test tubes...

Then one of the bikini clad girls is killed by some sort of monster. Dr Lindsey thinks it may be a mutant fish though Richard just thinks it is a local maniac. Soon another surfer is killed, as well as Dr Lindsey's bitchy new wife Vicky (Sue Casey) and even Richard's best friend Mark (Walker Edmiston) is attacked. Maybe Richard is right and it is a maniac dressed as a giant fish...

The film is a joyous mess, with a cool surfer rock soundtrack. The monster is rather unscary and laughable and the film is shamelessly exploitative with plenty of footage of girls in bikinis dancing on the beach. Drivel but fun.

The Land That Time Forgot (1974)

One of many films in the 1970s when Doug McClure ends up punching lots of men and monsters. During World War 1 a German u-boat torpedoes a British freighter. Bowen (McClure), Lisa (Susan Penhaligon) and Bradley (Keith Barron) amongst the few survivors. When the u-boat surfaces Bowen leads his small band of men to capture the u-boat from the command of von Schoenvorts (John McEnery).

Due to sabotage the u-boat is sent off course and ends up at a strange uncharted island in the Antarctic. The crew discover that beyond the icy cliffs there is a lush tropical paradise inside... inhabited by cavemen and dinosaurs! Bowen and team have to try and survive in this strange world, mostly by shooting anything which moves...

This is a fun monster romp with good use of stop motion animation and models. The effects are only let down by the pterodactyls which fly around without moving a muscle. While the submarine scenes can drag a bit once we get to the "Land That Time Forgot" the action and excitement really picks up. Reflections on the morality of war and the nature of civilisation elevate this film over the average monster film.

Diary of a Lost Girl (1929)

A fine meaty role for the peerless Louise Brooks. 

She plays Thymian, daughter of a chemist (Josef Rovensky), who is raped by her father's assistant (Fritz Rasp). She becomes pregnant and is sent to a tough reform school (and her baby taken away from her) as she won't marry her rapist. Thymian eventually escapes and ends up working in a brothel. There is a way for Thymian to escape her dark life with the help of a Count (Andre Roanne) but will she be able to take it? Or will she be always haunted by her past?

This is a tough film which Brooks brings a lot of emotion into (but let's face it she is put through a lot). The film portrays upper and middle class society as moral free, sadistic and hypocritical. 

This is a melodrama for sure but so artfully and skill fully done. Louise Brooks is mesmerising. 

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

A sequel? Well not really as none of the characters from the first Wizards of the Lost Kingdom appear in this, which is just as well because all that was achieved in the first film has been thrown away and the land is under the control of evil wizards again! 

Broken down old wizard Caedmon (Mel Welles) is tasked to find a youngster who is the last hope to defeat evil. Caedmon soon finds Tyor (Robert Jayne), a floppy haired teenager who is to learn how to be a wizard and save the world. So this is a bit like Harry Potter, only in this case the teenage wizard is a bit of a whiny loser.

Caedmon and Tyor travel through the three kingdoms, meeting heroes including the Dark One (David Carradine) and defeating the evil wizard controlling the land with various awkward sword fights and mediocre magic. The scene is thus set for the final showdown which ends up being an incredibly clumsy romp where most of the protagonists stand out doing nothing as if waiting for their cue.

A campy and inept film with banal dialogue, terrible fighting scenes and cheap looking effects; it's not to be taken seriously. It is funny though I suspect not quite as the makers intended. The film feels like a comedy sketch show parody that went on far too long. Hilariously bad, and thus very watchable for that point alone.

The Tong Man (1919)

A rather dated view of Chinatown, containing a fair bit of action though certainly full of dated stereotypes. Louie Toy (Tojo Fujita) is a merchant (and drug smuggler) who refuses to pay the Tongs protection money. The Tong task their top assassin Luk Chen (Sessue Hakayama) with assassinating Toy. One complication however, is that Chen is in love with Toy's daughter Sen Chee (Helen Jerome Eddy)... 

Another complication is that Toy has given safe harbour to a murderous sailor on the run from the police (Yukata Abe), and he is obviously keen to have Toy's back. Yet another complication is the San Francisco Police sniffing around...

So, a world of opium dens, gambling debts, pigtails and endless intrigue and murder. The fact the Tong seem to get their orders from the statue of a dragon is genuinely hilarious. The film is a bit contrived but the film is well made, the story is nonsense though!

Time Chasers (1994)

A ridiculously low-budget time travel film. Nick (Matthew Bruch) has developed a time machine, which for some reason only works in a light aircraft fitted with a Commodore computer. Nick interests CEO J.K. (George Woodard) in investing in his machine. 

Unfortunately when Nick heads to the future with his lady friend Lisa (Bonnie Prichard) they find the future has changed and now has become a rather low-rent dystrophia.

Nick discovers that J.K. has misused the time machine and changed history for the worst. Nick and Lisa try and change history themselves by stopping J.K. which involves them heading back to the U.S. Revolutionary War but also crashing a car...

An enjoyable if ridiculous film which seems to have the budget of about $5. The film eschews any complications with time travel to keep things straight forward and reasonably exciting. The best thing about the film is that Nick and Lisa are so ordinary and yet have such amazing adventures.

Bruce Lee's Ways of Kung Fu (1979)

The title implies this is a Bruceploitation film though in reality this is standard Kung Fu fare which just uses Bruce Lee's name. The film takes place in the base of a Manchurian warlord (Ki-Ju Kim) and his eighteen female bodyguards. Many try to challenge the warlord but none get out alive, until Dragon Lee.

Dragon is seeking to avenge his father who was killed by the warlord, and does get badly beaten up but manages to escape and receives training from his new master (Choe Mu-Ling). His master is killed too by the evil warlord's forces but finally Dragon is ready to enter the base along with his friends Philip Cheung and Pearl Lin, defeat the eighteen female warriors and take on the warlord in a final showdown...

And it is all pretty terrible if we are to be honest. The film makes very little sense and sometimes feels like scenes from different films spliced together with various tangents and dubious comedy scenes. The fighting is not bad, frequently very over the top with the usual weird sound effects and lots of use of wires. Quite an experience for sure, from a cheese point of view it is highly entertaining.

The Perils of Pauline (Serial) (1914)

This is one of the earliest movie serials, although was more a series of standalone adventures with an overall theme rather than the multi-part adventures of later serials. Pauline's (Pearl White) uncle and guardian Sanford Marvin (Edward Jose) died and left Pauline a fortune. However, the money is in the care of Marvin's unscrupulous secretary Koerner (Paul Panzer) until Pauline marries. Koerner wants to keep the money for himself, he takes advantage of Pauline's zest for adventures by coming up with various schemes to get rid of her.

One example of this is she is tricked into getting into a balloon which is then set free and out of control. Others involve escaped lions, Indian tribes, bombs and various traps and kidnaps. Pauline escapes death often with the help of her beau Harry (Crane Wilbur) but not suspecting Koerner, he is free to try again next time!

Pearl White became the original serial queen, starring in a number of highly popular serials. She was notable for doing many of her own stunts, some of which did cause her life changing injuries. In many ways the serial is a bit obvious and nonsense but it had a huge influence on future serials and pop culture.

Hoop-La (1933)

Clara Bow's final film, although not a huge hit at least she went out still at the top of the bill. Chris (Richard Cromwell) runs away to join the circus, but its OK as his Dad Nifty (Preston Foster) works there as the manager. Hawaiian dancer Carrie (Minna Gombell) has her hooks into Nifty but she is resentful that Chris is ahead of her in Nifty's affections. She decides to get her fellow dancer Lou (Bow) to seduce Chris to sour the relationship between father and son and hopefully get the son sent packing...

But Lou falls in love with Chris for real. They end up getting married and an enraged Nifty kicks them both out of the circus. The couple head to Chicago where they fall on hard times. Can their fortunes be turned around and will Nifty forgive them?

An enjoyable film though fairly average overall, the cast make the most of a fairly thin script though the circus and carnival life is always an interesting watch. Clara Bow successfully made the switch to talkies, it is just such a shame she could not have continued her career due to personal problems. 

Lords of the Deep (1989)

A car crash of a movie, though as it takes place underwater maybe it should be called a sub crash? In an underwater base, Claire (Priscilla Barnes) is studying a mysterious goo... and getting an LSD trip by touching it. Then stranger things start happening such as a colleague returning to the base from a dive replaced by the same goo. A series of earthquakes rock the base. Claire also falls for O'Neill (Daryl Haney) with a really terrible 'tache. 

The always glaring base commander Dobler (Bradford Dillman) is hiding something from his team, and also killing them off with the help of his computer and control over the oxygen supply. Claire discovers the goo is a fast mutating life form. Dobler calls it a threat but Claire knows the real threat is elsewhere...

This is a terrible load of tosh. It has cheap sets, cheaper special effects, baffling plot and indifferent to terrible acting. Unintentionally hilarious and tremendous fun of course.

Planet Outlaws (1953)

If this seems similar to the 1939 serial Buck Rogers it is because it is a condensed version! Buck Rogers (Buster Crabbe) is a 20th century pilot who, along with Buddy (Jackie Moran), is put into suspended animation after an airship crash. When he is awaken in the future he finds the world to be much more advanced, and much more dangerous. He helps the good guys out against the evil plans of Killer Kane (Anthony Warde)...

Naturally as the nearly four hour original serial was edited down to a single film that's just over an hour long it is all rather breakneck. In fact it is maybe a little too frenetic as we move from action scene to action scene with hardly any time to breathe. The action is great though and includes rocket ships with sparks flying out of them, ray guns and an army of mindless robots - slaves controlled by fiendish helmets and worked until they die. 

Little to no subtlety maybe but it is all tremendous fun.