Eye of the Tiger (1986)

The streets of a small town have been taken over by drug crazed bikers, only one man can stop them (natch).

Buck (Gary Busey) returns to his small hometown for a spell in gaol to find things have changed for the worst, a biker gang led by a cardboard cut-out (William Smith) are running rampant, killing and beating and raping people in the streets in between selling crack cocaine. The sheriff (Seymour Cassel) has been paid off.

After Buck stops the gang raping a nurse, they turn on him and kill his wife (Denise Galik) and wreck his house. They also kidnap his young daughter (Judith Barsi). With the help of his old army buddy JB (Yaphet Kotto) faces down the gang with the help of a lot of hi-tech weaponry...

So, a silly and unoriginal premise but an entertaining violent romp. The action scenes are well done and spaced out by a reasonable amount of story. Blade the main baddie could have been better though, he looks pretty cool but we don't really see much from him until the very end of the film.

Wanted: Dead or Alive (1986)

You can't beat a bit of violent 1980s cheese.

Nick (Rutger Hauer) is ex-CIA and now a bounty hunter plying his trade in the inner city war zone that is 1980s Los Angeles. He lives in an industrial unit full of guns and various junk. 

He is employed to track down a terrorist called Malak (Gene Simmons) who has arrived in town and started to blow things up. Malak plans to cause a major disaster by blowing up a chemical plant in LA. The hunt for Malak is complicated by the meddling of the CIA, soon Nick's nearest and dearest are in the firing line...

An enjoyable film though fairly generic in many ways. The violence is fairly low budget but decently done and there is quite a lot of it. 

Sunset Strip (1985)

A rather generic 1980s action film, for 80s nostalgia though this can't be beat.

Mark (Tom Eplin) is a photographer (taking photos of breakdancers) and who pays his land lady with sex. He helps his friend Roger (John Mayall) against the mob led by Moran (Danny Williams) who are targeting his LA rock club where Mark's ex Carol (Cheri Cameron Newell) sings. Moran wants to use it as a front for his prostitution racket. When the mob kill Roger, Mark is framed for the murder and the police are after him as well. Mark discovers that the mob has a link in the police too...

There isn't much to recommend on this film as a piece of work. It is rather poorly made and acted, the story is basic and padded out with filler including Mark riding his motorbike a lot. As with most bad movies though Sunset Strip is hugely enjoyable for the wrong reasons. The film also has lots of gratuitous female nudity (of course).

The film is incredibly 80s. If you grew up in those times you will certainly feel nostalgic.

Master Ninja II (1984)

The Master was an American TV show about an old ninja, it didn't run for very long but some of the episodes were put together to create TV movies.

So, this is basically episode 3 and 4 of the TV series. No attempt is made to make the join between the two episodes seamless by the way, which is quite funny. Lee Van Cleef plays McAllister, an Army veteran who became the only gaijin ninja master in Japan. However, he is now in the US with his young apprentice Max (Timothy Van Patten) looking for McAllister's daughter, trying to avoid being killed by other ninjas, and fighting injustice (of course!)

In the first story, McAllister and Max help Carrie (Crystal Bernard) with her fight against a corrupt company boss, who was involved in her brother's death. The second story involves terrorists and secret agents and includes guest appearances from George Lazenby (who wears a tuxedo throughout of course) and David McCallum.

Watching this you can see why this only lasted for thirteen episodes on TV. Van Cleef isn't a very convincing ninja master if we are going to be honest. The story is often quite generic 1980s US TV action show but is fun enough if not taken very seriously.

Robot Holocaust (1987)

The post-apocalypse has never been more dangerous... or boring.

It is the post-apocalypse on a planet called New Terra (even though a rather intact Manhattan is clearly visible in some of the outside shots and Central Park in others). People in rags fight and die until the evil rule of Dark One and his robot army, led by the incredibly campy and over the top Valaria (Angelica Jager).

Neo (Norris Culf) arrives at this hell on ..er.. New Terra and is persuaded to help Deeja (Nadine Hartstein) rescue her scientist father Klyton (J. Buzz von Ornsteiner) from the Dark One as he has invented a weapon to finally defeat the Dark One. Neo assembles a mixed crew of scantily clad heroes and an annoying robot to face a series of dangers and quite a few rather inept fights.

The plot alone means this film won't be a cinematic classic but films like New Barbarians had ropey plots too but were still great fun to watch. The main problem with Robot Holocaust is that it is all so lifeless and dreary. Fights are slow and pointless, the characters move between somewhat similar looking though apparently completely different areas of the "wasteland" slowly for no reason. It is a terrible film, one of the worst ever. It is however, well worth watching for Angelica Jager alone. An astonishing performance is more ways than one.

Galaxina (1980)

A campy science-fiction comedy that unfortunately isn't that funny.

A police space cruiser captained by Captain Butt (Avery Schreiber) - the name features in a number of jokes, as does Uranus, thats the level of humour here - is sent into deep space to discover a jewel called the Blue Star which contains unimaginable power. 

His crew are mostly misfits except for gorgeous android Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten) who basically runs the ship. Indeed the rest of the crew seem more interested in getting stoned and getting their legs over with either alien prostitutes with three breasts or Galaxian herself...

The film meanders along fairly amicably, the weirdness keeps you interested. In some ways this film reminds me of Dark Star, though this film is no where near as good or funny. It needed to be a bit more subtle. 

It's watchable, pretty ridiculous but could have been so much more.

Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)

These arn't just any old monsters, these are super monsters!

Evil Lord Tyrannos leads the Dinosaurs back to the surface of the Earth, having been living deep underground in secret all these years. He unleashes his monsters and waves of terrestrial mammals mutated by his evil powers on Earth to destroy mankind. He starts with a wave of red dogs. The only thing that can save humanity is, of course, four teenagers! Two of which have the Gemini power which means they merge using cyber power to become a super flying machine with drills.

You might have guessed by now that this is Japanese. The monsters are played by guys in rubber suits, destroyed cardboard buildings. The rest of the footage is anime and it can be a bit jarring at times switching between the two.

This film is made up of four episodes of a TV series (Dinosaur War Izenborg), each episode following the same formula so we get quite a bit of repetition. It is great fun though doesn't make a lot of sense, Tyrannos sounds terrific, though he it does seem like he needs something for his sore throat.

Robo Vampire (1988)

What on Earth is going on here, it seems like at least three films all spliced together. Well it is by Godfrey Ho...

Thai drug lords have a highly effective though also unusual weapon in their armoury: Chinese hopping vampires! Meanwhile, anti-drug agent Tom is killed in action, but then bought back to life in a knock-off RoboCop-like manner in a highly scientific operation carried out in a battered looking spare room at the police station. This version of the robot policeman however, looks rather laughable with his silver padded jacket and helmet. He battles the vampires, and the drug barons' hoods. Meanwhile, a female agent is captured by the drug lords...

This film makes no sense whatsoever! Godfrey Ho spliced together a Thai action movie with new footage (1984's Paa Lohgan to be precise) with some new footage of the Not-Robocop fighting hopping vampires. The result is incredibly incoherent but the film is undoubtably entertaining and frequently unintentionally hilarious with it's endless but also senseless action scenes. 

This film is pretty amazing, for most of it you won't really believe your eyes and maybe you will wonder if someone spiked your drink. Just be glad a film like this exists.

Ghostbusters (1984)

An iconic film from the 1980s, maybe one of the most 1980s films of all. Who you gonna call?!

Peter (Bill Murray), Raymond (Dan Aykroyd) and Egon (Harold Ramis) are three paranormal scientists who get kicked out of university while they are investigating ghosts (though Peter is more interested in getting laid). They go into business to detect and catch ghosts. After a chaotic adventure at a hotel where they capture a ghost after wrecking a ballroom, the Ghostbusters become overnight sensations...

But the EPA is interested in closing down their laser containment system and unlicenced nuclear accelerators. Meanwhile, in a mysterious NY apartment block Dana (Sigourney Weaver) appears to have a Hittite god in her fridge. The god is getting ready to return to the world and herald a new dark age...

This is a great film, full of funny lines which entered 1980s pop culture. The visuals were great for their day and many images from the film are pretty iconic, including the giant marshmallow man...

Chopping Mall (1986)

A simple but effective horror film, perfect if seeing a killer robot wipe out annoying young people is your thing.

A shopping centre has deployed a number of rather sinister looking robot sentries to guard the centre at night. The manufacturers of course reassure people that nothing can go wrong but we all know something will. A lightning strike on the central computer turns the sentries into homicidal maniacs.

Meanwhile a group of young shop workers are having an after hours party. As they have fun including lots of sex they are unaware the robots are on the way. Soon the group, led by Alison (Kelli Maroney), Ferdy (Tony O'Dell) and Rick (Russell Todd) are having to fight for their lives as the robots pretty unstoppable...

A highly enjoyable film. The human characters are probably as annoying as the robots are sinister with their red wrap around vision and arsenal of weapons (including laser cannons for some reason). The plot is pretty straight forward but the thrills are well delivered with some impressive horror high-spots. The title is great as well.

Blue Thunder (1983)

One of many films in the 1980s about advanced technology (gone wrong), and one of the best.

Murphy (Roy Schneider) is a grizzled helicopter pilot working for the LAPD, haunted by his past in Vietnam. He is invited to take part in a secret new programme with an advanced helicopter called Blue Thunder which can listen in on conversations, travel silently when needed and has a Gatling gun!

The helicopter has been developed by a team involving Murphy's old comrade Cochrane (Malcolm McDowell) whom Murphy loathes. Murphy and his assistant Lymangood (Daniel Stern) discover (using Blue Thunder's capabilities of course) that a secret government group including Cochrane is planning to use the helicopter for nefarious purposes...

So, this is a very good technology action film with a good helping of conspiracy and corruption as well. To be honest if you are an aviation fan Blue Thunder looks a bit suspect (a light Gazelle with extra plates bolted on basically) but the action scenes are solid and very tense.

Amsterdamned (1988)

A great title, a great premise and indeed a great film.

A maniac in a wet suit is killing people in Amsterdam with a rather large knife and using the city's extensive canal network to get away. The police force's top man Eric Visser (Huub Stapel) is on the case though doesn't really have much to go on in the way of any leads except maybe the perpetrator can swim. 

He hooks up with Laura (Monique van der Ven) who has something to do with a diving club but mostly because he fancies her. With the government putting the police under pressure as the victims start to mount up, it seems Laura might have some idea that her therapist friend Martin (Hidde Maas) is the killer, or is he?

The police work is rather haphazard and the film does meander at times but this is overall a very solid crime / slasher horror drama with some superb action set pieces including an incredible speed boat chase through the canals of Amsterdam. The ending is rather bleak and abrupt but it suits such a bloody and gruesome film.

Dead Heat (1988)

A cheesy zombie buddy cop movie, which somehow is brilliant!

LA cops Roger (Treat Williams) and Doug (Joe Piscopo) investigate a series of brutal robberies by men who are very hard to kill. Coroner Rebecca (Clare Kirkconnell) discovers that the men are zombies, bought back to life somehow using chemicals and something else. Roger and Doug track down these chemicals to a shady bio-tech company where they discover bizarre human experiments taking place, including bringing the dead back to life. After Roger is killed by the company's henchmen, Rebecca and Doug bring Roger back to life as a zombie cop!

Roger unfortunately only has a few hours before his body breaks down. With the help of the company's former PR head Randi (Lindsay Frost) they discover a shadowy plot to give the rich immortality, after a fee of course. Quite how is Loudermilk (Vincent Price) involved?

A terrific action romp of a film, part buddy cop, part zombie horror. At times it gets very gory indeed, and also pretty violent. A highly entertaining film which maybe shouldn't be but the makers and cast managed to pull off a bit of magic here.

Look out for a number of interesting appearances as well as Price in one of his last few films, including Robert Picardo (Star Trek Voyager's EMH) and Keye Luke who was of course Charlie Chan's Number 1 son!

Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

A rather odd and also rather graphic film about an Aztec monster on a killing spree in New York.

Someone... or something... is killing people at random in NY. Detectives Shepherd (David Carradine) and Powell (Richard Roundtree) are on the case of some horrific murder cases of people being skinned alive. Are these linked to the other murders, which some eyewitnesses say are being done by a horrific looking flying creature? Shepherd begins to think so, investigating Aztec human sacrifices and the summoning of a winged serpent god (Quetzalcoatl natch), though the rest of the police are somewhat sceptical...

Low-rent cowardly crook Jimmy (Michael Moriarty) is less sceptical, especially after while on the run from the police he climbs to the top of the Chrysler building (a perfect Art Deco setting in this macabre film) and finds the creature's nest, including the remains of victims and a giant egg...

The film takes a while to come together, the early scenes with Jimmy seem completely out of place but eventually it all makes sense in a sometimes irreverent and satirical early 1980s style. The film reminds me a bit of Buckaroo Banzai at times, and as that is one of my very favourite films then that is, of course, a good thing. Not that this film is anywhere near as good as Buckaroo, it does drag at times but overall is a perfectly decent monster horror film with pretty good special effects for the day.

The Power (1984)

Low wattage horror thrills.

A mysterious idol, which gives the holder demonic power, and also tears the holder apart ends up in the possession of a bunch of American High School kids (naturally!) They witness mysterious goings on in a crypt while using an Ouija board. Later on the guard at the crypt is mysteriously killed. Journalist Sandy (Suzy Stokey) isn't really interested in the kids' story though her ex Jerry (Warren Lincoln), who for some reason is in town, becomes really interested...

Jerry becomes the next person to possess the idol, and become transformed into a deranged beast while life around him is torn apart...

Not a bad horror film though somewhat disjointed. The start of the film, setting up the story of the idol, is like three separate films or the film makers couldn't decide how to start the film so filmed all three ideas. The horror is good, with plenty of poltergeist action and some average prosthetics. The story doesn't make a lot of sense (of course).

Dark Tower (1987)

A rather strange horror, not without some bright spots though few and far between.

Carolyn (Jenny Agutter) is the architect of a rather horrible looking new skyscraper in Barcelona. Mysterious happenings which result in grisly deaths and plenty of gore. Investigator Dennis (Michael Moriarty) brings in a paranormal investigator in Dr Gold (Theodore Bikel) after he suspects something really weird is going on. Dennis thinks that Carolyn's missing presumed dead husband might be behind the evil spirit...

Not the best horror film by any means, the film is rather cheap and not very cheerful. It is also rather disjointed and illogical. The horror thrills though are frequently quite exciting if ridiculous. 

House of the Long Shadows (1983)

An enjoyable horror romp with a twist, also the last time Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing appeared together in a film.

Annoying American author Ken Magee (Desi Arnaz Jr) is set a curious bet by his publisher (Richard Todd), he is given 24 hours to write a novel and will win a $20K bet if he succeeds. As he needs peace and quiet, he is offered the use of a remote empty mansion in Wales. Reaching the mansion in a storm is not that easy but Ken makes it, and he sets up his typewriter. However, he immediately hears noises... the mansion is not empty after all.

In fact there is soon a whole dining room full of people there, including a man who claims to be the housekeeper (John Carradine), as well as some former inhabitants (Vincent Price and Peter Cushing) and a man (Christopher Lee) who is wanting to buy the mansion. However, there is a dark secret in the house involving a murder, and an imprisoned beast. Ken is joined by secretary Mary (Julie Peasgood) to try and discover the secret, and survive once the bodycount starts to rise...

This is a terrific film with it's cast of horror legends and a real old skool horror feel, it may be a bit slow to get going but once the action gets started it is pretty relentless. The film does have a rather large twist at the end which some will feel is inspired but others might feel a bit of a cop-out. 

Rats: Night of Terror (1984)

One of a number of Italian Mad Max rip-offs, though this time the gang of raggedy marauders from the bad lands, in their beat up old vehicles, have to face... rats?

The group, led by Kurt (Ottaviano Dell'Acqua), arrive at a mysterious abandoned town that seems to be only inhabited by rats. They discover an underground science base with fresh food and flashy light bleepy tech. However, then the rats start to attack. In various gruesome ways too, the gang desperately battle for survival with their guns, tankettes and flamethrowers. Unfortunately as the gang seem to collectively have less brain cells than bullets the rats outwit them time and time again. Help is on the way, well they think anyway...

This really is a strange film, the gang really are inept. Characters like Deus (Tony Lombardo) and Duke (Henry Luciani) are pretty one dimensional and wouldn't last five minutes against the New Barbarians for example. Video (Gianni Franco) provides some moments of really strange humour. Violent, rather nasty and pretty weird.

Final Justice (1984)

A ridiculous film but certainly fun.

Deputy Geronimo (Joe Don Baker) is a tough (though also rather large) Texan lawman. His friend is gunned down by Mafiosi Palermo (Venantino Venantini), but Geronimo arrests him. Palermo is to be extradited back to Italy, Geronimo is sent to accompany him. However, mysterious engine trouble means the plane lands in Malta instead. Palermo is soon rescued by his henchmen.

Geronimo seeks to recapture Palermo with the help of a young policewoman (Patrizia Pellagrino), much to the annoyance of the local police (Lino Grech), and the Mafia. Geronimo gets into many scrapes, and a number of gunfights. He also gets into a rather bizarre bar fight where he fights people with rather terrible props. It ends up in a dogged battle to the death with Palermo... eventually.

This isn't a good film by any measure though is bizarre and silly enough to be very watchable. Geronimo, with his stetson, cowhide jacket and great size stands out a mile in every Maltese scene. 

Scared to Death (1980)

Remarkably good sewer monster thrills.

Some kind of deranged super strong maniac is killing random women, not that unusual in LA of course but the police are baffled by this case... no wonder because the assailant isn't human! Ex-cop and now novelist Ted (John Stinson) is finally persuaded by his old buddy (David Moses) to help investigate the case. His girlfriend Jennifer (Diana Davidson) arranges to meet shy nerd girl Sherry (Toni Jannotta) who has vital information on the attacks but before she can meet her at a former research centre she ends up the latest victim (though survives).

Ted is told by Sherry that the attacks are being made by an artificial life form which lives on human spinal fluid. Ted and Sherry head into the sewers to find... and ultimately get chased by the creature...

Although the story is fairly generic (and an early Alien inspired film), this is an entertaining film that rises above the obvious cliches and makes the most of the low budget (the monster itself when we see it is pretty cool).