Alien from L.A. (1988)

A cheesy 1980s sci-fi comedy, it is totally nonsense but looks amazing and is great fun.

Wanda (Kathy Ireland) is a nerd girl who never does anything exciting. She finds out her archaeologist father (Richard Haines) has gone missing in Africa and heads out to try and find him. She ends falling down a large hole her father once dug and ends up in a weird subterranean world. The inhabitants of this underground world look like extras from Mad Max but do speak English. Wanda travels with Gus (William R Moses) to the city where she soon finds herself hunted by the authorities who want to suppress knowledge of the world above...

This is a crazy film which doesn't make a lot of sense but it looks great. Aesthetically it is a mixture of Mad Max and the sort of future shock pop videos popular in the late 1980s. A feature length pop video therefore and well worth seeing.

Village of the Giants (1965)

Annoying teens eat a weird chemical created by an even more annoying pre-teen and become giant annoying teens.

A group of delinquents led by Fred (Beau Bridges) turn up in a small town. In that town Mike (Tommy Kirk) is trying to make out with his girlfriend (Charla Doherty) when little Genius (Ron Howard) invents a weird orange goo which turns animals into giants. 

Naturally its not long before Fred and his gang take the goo themselves and become giants who terrorise the town. Normal size teens and adults are at their mercy...

Now, it doesn't sound very promising, the special effects and acting are not up to much and most of the characters are hard to warm to. However, despite that the film is great fun, maybe because it is just so ridiculous.

In the Year 2889 (1969)

We are in the future, actually no we arn't. In fact this is a rather low budget slice of nonsense set firmly in 1969.

World War 3 has occurred, radiation is killing everyone but smug Captain John (Neil Fletcher) has a plan in his remote house protected from the fall out by geographical oddities. Unfortunately his remote house doesn't turn out to be that remote after all after a number of unwanted guests come to join him and his daughter (Charla Doherty). While some of the visitors including Steve (Paul Petersen) are benign, Micky (Hugh Feagin) is a wrong-un just waiting to cause trouble. There also appears to be a radiation mutated monster prowling in the gardens...

Low budget and low thrills, it also has a distinct lack of good acting (though Doherty isn't bad). The story is a bit slow and stilted and sometimes you wish for the radiation to put us all out of out misery. The title by the way has nothing to do with the film, but is taken from a Jules Verne short story. That probably is the most interesting thing about this disaster.

Firepower (1993)

Its the near future, street gangs have taken over parts of the city where the police are afraid to go.

However, police detectives Darren (Chad McQueen) and Nick (Gary Daniels) are operating undercover to investigate Drexal (Joseph Ruskin) who runs illegal drugs including counterfeit AIDS vaccines in the no-go zones and also runs death matches, his champion The Swordsman always wins. The Swordsman is Jim Hellwig aka The Ultimate Warrior in what is probably his only movie role!

So, this is pretty basic stuff. Violent and cheap, everything is rather dark despite all of the open fires. Nothing really makes a lot of sense but it doesn't really matter as there will probably be another killing in ten seconds. The Ultimate Warrior is probably the best part of the film even though he doesn't really say much. 

Death Race 2000 (1975)

One of the ultimate future shock road movies.

It is the year 2000 and America is run by a brutal regime pacifying the masses by the entertainment of the death race across America where bonus points are available for running people down! The regime's hero is Frankenstein (David Carradine) and ranged against him a strange crew of over the top characters including Italian pseudo-mafioso Machine Gun (Sylvester Stallone).

Meanwhile, a group of freedom fighters are aiming to bring the regime down and plan to crash the race to do it. Frankenstein himself though isn't quite what he seems...

Satirical, unusual and very violent. Death race certainly isn't lacking in kills (bonus points!) Its not lacking in good humour too. The racing perhaps is nonsense but the cars had a certain quirky feel about them. A really great film. 

The Lost Missile (1958)

New York is threatened by a mysterious missile from outer space, no amount of incorrect stock footage can stop it!

A missile of extraterrestrial origin is hit by a Soviet missile, now it is out of control and making it's way across Canada, scorching everything in it's path. New York is due to be hit in about half an hour, which gives the US plenty of time to evacuate the city. They wouldn't be that efficient these days, it's take them a few hours to choose the font for the evacuation notices.

Top nuclear scientist Dr Loring (Robert Loggia) and his assistant/lover Ellen (Joan Wood) are due to get married when the alert goes up. Instead they work on Loring's plan to fire an experimental nuclear missile at the incoming menace. This involves carrying deadly plutonium across the city to the launch site with only the most minimal of security...

So, this film doesn't make sense on many levels but it is a genuinely exciting, tense and fast moving film. It is somewhat marred by incorrect stock footage. This isn't exactly uncommon with films (of any era to be honest) but it does feel like the makers threw every scrap they could at this film to pad it out. Despite the flaws this is a great watch.

Robot Monster (1953)

A laughably bad 1950s science fiction film, though with a clever twist.

Johnny (Gregory Moffett), an annoying all-American boy, is sleeping off his picnic with his parents. He wakes up and reaches a cave, suddenly the world is torn upside down, dinosaurs fight in a valley, most of the human race is wiped out and... an alien gorilla in a space helmet is looking to complete the job!

What is going on? Why have we gone from a picnic to a post-apocalypse scene were just a handful of humans are left alive in just the blink of an eye? Apparently the survivors are protected from the evil cosmic ray weapon of Ro-Man (George Barrows/John Brown) by a serum developed by The Professor (John Mylong). Ro-Man, despite his space simian nature, puts his plans to complete the wipe out of humanity when he takes a fancy to Johnny's older sister Alice (Claudia Barrett)...

This is very low budget fare, for some reason Ro-Man has a bubble making machine. Nothing really makes sense, well when we do get the twist it kind of explain a lot of the nonsense we have just seen. Very strange stuff indeed.

Stranger from Venus (1954)

A fairly dreary though not uninteresting science-fiction film.

After flying saucers are spotted, a mysterious stranger (Helmut Dantine) appears in a small town. He speaks rather strangely, has no pulse and has the power to health illnesses and injuries including those of Susan (Patricia Neal) who is in a car crash. The stranger says he is from Venus and warns the Earthlings that their nuclear weapons threatens everyone in the solar system...

The film is very heavily based on The Day the Earth Stood Still (which also starred Patricia Neal!) The film has an interesting plot though plods along without much energy though it does have some other worldly menace. The location of the film is rather confusing, although British made it appears to be set somewhere else. Where that somewhere else is unknown, it's probably not Venus though!

Moon Zero Two (1969)

While mankind was reaching the Moon for real, this film explored what might be happening there in a few decades time: salvaging junk, drinking awful booze in Moon based saloon bars and having purple hair.

Kemp (James Olson) is a former hero astronaut (the first man on Mars) but is now relegated to flying a worn out old ferry and salvaging broken satellites. He is hired by mega rich JJ Hubbard (Warren Mitchell) for a secret and fairly illegal job: force an asteroid that is basically a giant sapphire to crash on the Moon so it can be much easily mined. Kemp, in need of cash, carries this out.

But meanwhile Clem (Catherine Shell) has arrived on the Moon and also need Kemp's help to find her missing Moon miner brother. As he helps her he finds himself drawn into JJ Hubbard's darker and much more deadly plan...

This really is a great film, great fun and action from start to finish. The limited special effects do not detract from the story (and indeed were not that bad for the day anyway). Surely a film that can bring you Bernard Bresslaw as a hired thug in a spacesuit can only be great?!

Robot Holocaust (1987)

The post-apocalypse has never been more dangerous... or boring.

It is the post-apocalypse on a planet called New Terra (even though a rather intact Manhattan is clearly visible in some of the outside shots and Central Park in others). People in rags fight and die until the evil rule of Dark One and his robot army, led by the incredibly campy and over the top Valaria (Angelica Jager).

Neo (Norris Culf) arrives at this hell on ..er.. New Terra and is persuaded to help Deeja (Nadine Hartstein) rescue her scientist father Klyton (J. Buzz von Ornsteiner) from the Dark One as he has invented a weapon to finally defeat the Dark One. Neo assembles a mixed crew of scantily clad heroes and an annoying robot to face a series of dangers and quite a few rather inept fights.

The plot alone means this film won't be a cinematic classic but films like New Barbarians had ropey plots too but were still great fun to watch. The main problem with Robot Holocaust is that it is all so lifeless and dreary. Fights are slow and pointless, the characters move between somewhat similar looking though apparently completely different areas of the "wasteland" slowly for no reason. It is a terrible film, one of the worst ever. It is however, well worth watching for Angelica Jager alone. An astonishing performance is more ways than one.

Mesa of Lost Women (1953)

A rather mediocre mad science horror, the only really scary thing is the soundtrack.

Scientist Aranya (Jackie Coogan) (and as this is a movie he is of course a mad scientist) is conducting twisted human experiments using spider venom to create a race of indestructible and obedient women. Another scientist called Dr Masterson (Harmon Stevens) discovers the vile experiments and is driven insane. He escapes the asylum and forces a group of people including Richard Travis and Paula Hill back to Aranya's bizarre desert lair...

This isn't a very good film. It's very slow moving and dull though does have some enjoyable science weirdness and 1950s style sleazy exotica. 

The main problem with this film though is the soundtrack, a short piece of music which is on continuous repeat throughout the movie and will make you irritable and on edge after five minutes.

Galaxina (1980)

A campy science-fiction comedy that unfortunately isn't that funny.

A police space cruiser captained by Captain Butt (Avery Schreiber) - the name features in a number of jokes, as does Uranus, thats the level of humour here - is sent into deep space to discover a jewel called the Blue Star which contains unimaginable power. 

His crew are mostly misfits except for gorgeous android Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten) who basically runs the ship. Indeed the rest of the crew seem more interested in getting stoned and getting their legs over with either alien prostitutes with three breasts or Galaxian herself...

The film meanders along fairly amicably, the weirdness keeps you interested. In some ways this film reminds me of Dark Star, though this film is no where near as good or funny. It needed to be a bit more subtle. 

It's watchable, pretty ridiculous but could have been so much more.

The Night the World Exploded (1957)

Low budget though not low interest science fiction.

Dr Conway (William Leslie) has developed a machine that can predict earthquakes. Unfortunately he has predicted that an earthquake is about to hit California in the next twenty four hours and even more unfortunately his machine appears to work when a quake does hit!

Conway's machine detects more imminent earthquakes but doesn't know what is causing these quakes. With his assistant Laura (Kathryn Grant), he descends into a cavern to see if he can discover the cause. He discovers a dangerous new element which could destroy the world in days...

This is a bit of a pedestrian film that takes a while to get going but ultimately is worth persevering with. An fairly intelligent science-fiction plot (for the period especially) and good use of stock footage overcomes the shortcomings with the budget. A reasonable little film.

Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)

These arn't just any old monsters, these are super monsters!

Evil Lord Tyrannos leads the Dinosaurs back to the surface of the Earth, having been living deep underground in secret all these years. He unleashes his monsters and waves of terrestrial mammals mutated by his evil powers on Earth to destroy mankind. He starts with a wave of red dogs. The only thing that can save humanity is, of course, four teenagers! Two of which have the Gemini power which means they merge using cyber power to become a super flying machine with drills.

You might have guessed by now that this is Japanese. The monsters are played by guys in rubber suits, destroyed cardboard buildings. The rest of the footage is anime and it can be a bit jarring at times switching between the two.

This film is made up of four episodes of a TV series (Dinosaur War Izenborg), each episode following the same formula so we get quite a bit of repetition. It is great fun though doesn't make a lot of sense, Tyrannos sounds terrific, though he it does seem like he needs something for his sore throat.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

The Citizen Kane of bad movies, a legend in the trash movie genre. But it is really that bad? Yes.

Flying saucers (wobbly ones at that) are visiting the Earth. For some reason they are bringing the dead back to life, including the rather unfortunate Bela Lugosi (this was indeed his last film). These zombies can be controlled by the aliens for their own nefarious ends. The police and military vaguely mill around and eventually confront the aliens including Vampira and Tor Johnson on their wobbly space saucer...

A very low budget film indeed, and often unintentionally hilarious (such as when a soldier is supposed to be standing in the open but you can see the wrinkles in the "sky" behind him). The acting veers between basic and terrible and the story is very confused (is this a science fiction film or a horror?) 

It is wonderful though because of that, it's cult classic status is well deserved. Everyone needs to see this film at least once.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

Teenagers versus little green men, not as terrible as you might expect!

A UFO lands near a small town, the aliens having large heads and eyes and fingers that spread venom. They are encountered by some of the town's "teenagers" (who look on average 27) who are busy on Lover's Lane doing teenager things. When Johnny (Steven Terrell) and Joan (Gloria Castillo) run down one of the aliens all their troubles start, especially with an incredulous police force. Little green men eh? 

The US military know about the UFO though, and manage to blow it up. They blame the explosion on a jetplane crash, however a group of the aliens are still running rampant through the countryside worrying cattle. Looks like the teens may have to save the day...

A low budget science-fiction film, and often pretty silly and cheesy. However, the film holds together, remarkably well despite everything. Its a fun film and a decent watch.

Mars Needs Women (1968)

A rather bizarre science-fiction film, about the Martian need for Earth women...

Mars is dying due to reasons, the Martian Dop (Tommy Kirk) leads a team to Earth to find some suitable fertile females for breeding purposes. Dop announces this plan to the US military beforehand for some reason. Dop and his team begin selecting suitable females. Pole dancers and flight attendants seem to be the preferred choice (natch). 

However, Dop selects the female scientist Dr Bolen (Yvonne Craig) for his target and falls in love with her. The authorities are meanwhile searching high and low for the Martians...

This is a pretty awful film to be honest. The overall premise is sound perhaps though crudely implemented and overall the film is pretty sleazy and cheap. The story makes little sense of course and often is (unintentionally) hilarious.

Journey to the Center of Time (1967)

Low budget and fairly low quality time travel science fiction fare, some of the ideas are quite interesting though.

Dr Gordon (Abraham Sofaer), Mark (Anthony Eisley) and Karen (Gigi Perreau) are working on a science project to see into the past. Unfortunately they can only see 24 hours into the past. Their backer Stanton (Scott Brady) tells them they need to show some better results or he is pulling the funding. During a last gasp experiment various things go bang and they can see into the far future. In fact they can't just see the future... they are there.

After a short period where they get involved in a short battle between future human barbarians and light blue skinned aliens, they are sent into the far past and get menaced by rather dodgy looking dinosaurs (even though they've only gone back 1 million years)...

This film is nonsense and takes place mostly on one set padded out with a lot of stock footage. The lab does have the necessary amount of dials and flashing lights so you know that SCIENCE is taking place! Various weird events take place and are explained using large amounts of scientific mumbo jumbo, thus this film can be seen as the forerunner of many awful Star Trek episodes. The film isn't very good but is entertaining enough to be able to hold your interest.

Cyber Tracker (1994)

We are in the future (2024 or thereabouts) and justice is dispensed by a cold heartless android killing machine. This is Terminator meets Robocop meets Judge Dread with about one hundredth of the budget.

Don (Don "The Dragon" Wilson) is a secret service agent tasked with protecting a senator (John Aprea) in a future America where the state has merged with a giant corporation. By now policing is done by near invincible androids who also act as judge, jury and executioner (one assumes they are not used to police jaywalking or parking offences). Don protects the senator from a terrorist group who want to stop the cyber police. 

The senator tries to bring Don into their dark secret though he wants to remain a good guy (of course). He is framed for murder and now the cyber cops and the human enforcer in the form of Ross (Richard Norton) are sent after him...

The story isn't up to much and doesn't have much originality. The film does have a lot of action and a lot of violence. Cars don't just crash, they explode. Most characters end up butchered by heavy calibre rounds. The violence does help to make the film watchable though overall the film isn't that great. The hi-tech "future" graphics and computers which look dated even by 1994's standards are funny though.

The Visitor (1979)

An entertaining if somewhat confusing and bizarre piece of science-fiction / horror.

The forces of good and evil are battling across the universe. On little old Earth a young girl called Katy (Paige Conner) is possessed by telekinetic powers and a desire to cause evil, her poor mum Barbara (Joanne Nail) gets crippled after Katy (accidentall? Maybe, maybe not.) shoots her in the spine. Police detective Durham (Glenn Ford) is convinced there is something going on with Katy, though the girl's demonic pet falcon soon sorts that out...

Meanwhile, Jerzy (John Huston) has arrived on Earth to find Katy and prevent her mum becoming pregnant again as the second child will be bad news for the universe...

It is all rather confusing with often strange visuals and a bizarrely inappropriate soundtrack. The demonic horror does work at times though, the film may have been better if it had concentrated on that and not the outer space battle stuff. However, the nonsense and oddness does make the film pretty unintentionally funny. Conner plays a great role as the demon child, though as with most 8 year olds it probably wasn't entirely acting.